My Turn

[ryan]

Originally Posted by Jacoby

Don't be an asshole. Especially not to a girl.

HA!

girls love assholes, yet claim they don't want one.

with enough experience, you'll realize that's all they date.

[Jacoby]

Maybe the girls you're interested in, Ryan. Not the ones I am. The ex-popular girls seem to go for the asses.

[ryan]

Originally Posted by Jacoby

Maybe the girls you're interested in, Ryan. Not the ones I am. The ex-popular girls seem to go for the asses.

much to learn, you have.
every girl ive met or even tried to become close to has always gone with the asshole because they're more mysterious and more of a challenge than a nice guy.
nice guys are predictable and boring. girls want someone they have to work for.
thats why i hate being a nice guy so much.

fact.

I think Ryan makes some good points but goes too far. I don't think women like being jerked around but they also don't like being smothered, and in my experience a good mix of being a bit of arsehole once in a while, a bit of work, but not too much, that's the way to go. Keep it interesting, keep it fun, be enigmatic and mysterious without totally treating her like crap, but at the same time don't deify her because that gets old fast.

I don't think it's as simple or black and white as girls want bastards or girls want nice guys, I think it's somewhere in the middle. There is such a thing as being too nice to the point where it gets annoying and smothering. There are also valid times to get angry, be a bit of an arsehole, because if you're justified in being it she'll realise that, eventually. Women are reasonable creatures, when they're calm, rational and unemotional (which isn't that often, granted).

[Jacoby]

Originally Posted by ryan

much to learn, you have.
every girl ive met or even tried to become close to has always gone with the asshole because they're more mysterious and more of a challenge than a nice guy.
nice guys are predictable and boring. girls want someone they have to work for.
thats why i hate being a nice guy so much.

fact.

Do you live in a highschool or something? Honestly, the girls I've met haven't always been like that. But whatever. You do have all the wisdom of a 20 year-old, so I better not question you. I'll stick with the nice guy thing, though. I'll tell you how it works out in 10 years. It would suck if you're right.

[Dyce_Blue]

it happened again.

different girl.

I got played again...

[dave]

Originally Posted by Renegade

How do you know it's her number? For all you know, the number could lead back to a broken down Asian restaurant in between a dark alley and a crackhouse full of whores who do coke lines in exchange for kim chee and chow mein.

Just send the number to me, I'll do the right thing with it... In the meantime, start reading some of the "Burke" series of books by Andrew Vachss... His phone number leads to a "broken down Asian restaurant in between a dark alley and a crackhouse full of whores". And I love his style. Andrew Vachss Website
The Burke Series

In the meantime, assuming that you are about 20, do yourself a favor. Ask out a thirty year old woman. You will be surprised at how much you enjoy the company of adult women. You'll gain all the experience you currently lack, and have fun as well. They are better dancers and conversationalists. When they talk/argue it is from logic and knowledge, not merely peer group consensus of opinion. They also are adult enough to pay half so you can go out twice as much. And you cannot believe how much better the sex will be. Just stay away from the married ones.

How many of the movie star women do you think are under thirty? Just Keira, Britney, and Christina... That tells you that only one in three is worth knowing. Forgot about Kirsten Dunst, Jessica Simpson and Jessica Alba, although I'm beginning to worry about a couple of them, too.

[Tabrasa]

My wife Wendy loves to discuss this topic, as she loves to throw her Masters in Anthropology expertise in there. Although I do have to agree with some of what she says. She tells me that under basic instincts, women are drawn to the need of having a strong provider (good looking, confident, successful, strong-willed, decisive)... unfortunately somewhere in the mix they are mistakenly drawn to loud, abusive, egotistic arseholes because they give that hard self-confident signal that cuts right down the basic instincts. Hence being drawn to the "Bad boys".

I don't know if she's right or wrong with assumptions, but it has a ring of truth to it from my experiences. Nice, shy, sensitive guys don't seem to hit that instinctual hot-spot from my observations in my life, despite being good-looking or not. When I was in my 20's I had a long string of being crushed for being a nice guy, and finally one day I snapped and said to myself "I'm going to be like the rest of the military arsehole guys I know, go out, find the best looking girl I can at the club, treat her like shyt, take her home, and throw her out in the morning". I did, found the hottest girl at the club, was a cocky son-of-a-bytch, even abusive in my conversation, and she jumped all over me. The more I was a jerk and tried to get rid of her, the more it seemed to turn her on. I'd tell her to go away and I never wanted to see her again, and she'd stalk me like a fanatic and wind up in my dorm room naked waiting for me. Took me three months to finally be rid of that crazy woman. But it wasn't me, nor who or how I was. I felt horrible for the whole fiasco and weirded out by how freakishly this drop-dead gorgeous girl latched on to me and behaved. Finally years later I met a woman who liked the me for me, and liked the "nice" guy. I've had many female friends over the years ask me "Why do I always get the total arseholes? Just one after another?", and I think on this mixed signal "bad boy" theory. All I can say is keep looking, eventually you'll find the right one who'll like you for who you are, not a false front, clothes, cockiness, or what car you drive.
Tab

[dave]

Originally Posted by Tabrasa

My wife Wendy loves to discuss this topic, as she loves to throw her Masters in Anthropology expertise in there. Although I do have to agree with some of what she says. She tells me that under basic instincts, women are drawn to the need of having a strong provider (good looking, confident, successful, strong-willed, decisive)... <snip>

I don't know if she's right or wrong with assumptions, but it has a ring of truth to it from my experiences. <snip>
Tab

I've noticed another thing as well. We all seem to try to "fix" our offspring. Tall girls date short guys. (More often, short girls date tall guys.) Ladies with large noses go giddy over guys with tiny ones. (Relatively speaking.) I suspect that someone, somewhere, has studied this propensity.

Sometime soon we will all be peloponesian(?) (i.e. look like the beautiful Hawaiian people.) Golden brown, tall and muscular, etc.

[Kirby]

OMGosh I know! its amazing! we go for our complete opposites normally, or if we are self absorbed we go for the ones that look exactly like us! its crazy how we work.......and wouldn;t we all love to be that way, tall tan and gorgeous@!

[dave]

You started this thread with this post:

Originally Posted by Dyce_Blue 13-10-2004

OK, I'll try to explain this the best I can...

There is this girl at school. She is in two of my four classes, and she parks in the same lot as me.

Long story short: I like her.

I finally got the balls to go and talk to her yesterday, and I met her and her friend. Today, my friend and I were walking about 20 feet behind her and her friend in the parking lot, and she was acting a little flamboyant. It's hard to explain, but it is the way I act around a girl I like. There was definitely some eye contact between her and I, but she would always look away quickly, so I couldn't wave or anything.

Tomorrow, the only class I have is with her, then we both leave to the same parking lot.

What do I do?
<snip>

After a couple of days you added this post:

Originally Posted by Dyce_Blue 15-10-2004

What a fucking idiot I was. I cannot believe how stupid I acted. I should have just gone with my original hunch and stayed away.

I don't feel like explaining the tangled backstory, but I will since my life is worthless anyway.

So yesterday, I wrote her a note in class asking if she wanted to do something afterwards. <snip>

This brings me to today, when I was surprisingly optimistic and confident. My plan was to meet her outside math class (where I usually see her), turn my homework in, and skip to go hang out with her and her friend. <snip> They snuck out the back door of the classroom to avoid me.

After not quite a month and a half you added this post:

Originally Posted by Dyce_Blue 24-12-2004,

So for this girl's birthday about a month and a half ago, I bought her the OC season 1 DVD. I looked EVERYWHERE to get it, and at my 4th Best Buy/Circuit City, I grabbed one of the last ones they had. This put me back at least a half tank of gas and $70 for the DVD. <snip> ...any feedback?

And you are asking for feedback...

Unless you are extremely rich, a $70.00 gift for a girl that you have only spoken to once on the way to the parking lot is excessive. The very fact that you know her birthday is suspect. You are doing things that are "wrong" on every level.

When I first read this I was new to the board, and I didn't realize that the post was over a year old. I hope that you have grown up in the last year and are not still trying to impress women with inappropriate expensive gifts before you have talked with them at least twice. If you are a devotee of the idea that you can fall in "love at first sight", you should realize that when people speak of that they are speaking of BOTH PEOPLE feeling that way. When both people feel that way they will BOTH feel that way. When only one person experiences that strong an attraction it is called "lust". Inappropriate lustful feelings should never be openly expressed. The way these internet conversations develop make it hard for people to realize what you were doing. You were "over the top".

Think about it from the lady's perspective. She gets a $70.00 "weird" gift from an almost stranger (you had no idea that she was an OC fan, or that she was "an OC type of girl.") You followed her around, trying to "talk". She had to assume that you were expecting an "OC" type of relationship, and were willing to pay for it. Were I her, I'd have had an older brother checking you out on the Internet, also. And, if you'd said anything wrong, I think the expression "beat the shit out of him" would have been discussed.

So, in the past year, what have you done to change? Have you taken some Psychology classes? Gone to some "group sessions"? Gotten a real girlfriend?