help neede especially from girls

[SHIZON]

Ok I have been dating my girlfriend for about four years now. All of a sudden she says she has to date other people before she can go further in the relationship, but also says I am doing nothing wrong. I don't want to date other people and if she wants to I don't want to date her. Why does she have to give up something good. We have been faithful to eachother and all has been well for a long time. What do you think I should do , and keep in mind I don't want to date other people.

Thanks in advance

[Lizzie Bennet]

Well it seems to me that there are two possiblities as to why she has decided to do this. One: She is lying when she says nothing is wrong or Two: She really cares about you and possibly thinks you could be the one. If it is the latter then she probably just wants to date other people to make sure that you are the one for her. Sometimes before people really decide to commit, they need reassurance that the feelings they are feeling towards someone are true, that they can not feel these strong feelings toward anyone else.

It seems to me that if she wants to date others the only thing you can do is let her go and hope that if you two are meant to be together she will come back after a short period of time. I am sorry I could not be of more help.

[SHIZON]

thank you for your input. This is sort of the same thing I have been thinking. Maybe I will have to set her free and see if she returns :icon_err:

[Asudai]

You should hire a bunch of guys to go on dates with her, and be complete jackasses... then you'll look awesome and all will seem well again =)......

Until one of the hired dates decides he loves your girlfriend, turns off the jackass, turns on the charm, and challenges your position as "The Boyfriend"! When it seems you are winning the game, he will drop the bomb and tell her all about the deal you made with him. He will apologize and give the classic "It started out as a job, but it's turned into so much more than that" line, and she'll buy it and leave you....

A few months down the road, after numerous attempts to show that you only did it out of misguided love and the best intentions, she'll see what kind of conniving jerk this guy really is and come crawling back to you =D



ok... it may not work in real life, but I claim rights to the movie


::EDIT:: Afterthought - After rereading it it seems kind of anti-climactic, but I'll work the kinks out and get back to you

[Pygmalion]

Dump her uncommitting ass. Evidently the relationship doesn't mean that much to her.

[Asudai]

I wouldn't say that, if the relationship didn't mean anything to her, she would break it off. But apparently it does, she just wants to have her cake and eat it too...

Now I don't know how well you should take being her back up plan, but that's completely up to you =/


Don't listen to me though, I haven't been in a relationship in about 6 or 7 years, what the hell do I know?

[Pygmalion]

But if she's screwing him around NOW, chances are she'll do it again later.
Or she's scared of not being in a relationship at all, but wants to find someone else. I have an ex who was like that.

[duckula]

Dump the whore.

[SHIZON]

[SHIZON]

I don't know what to do!

[AureaMediocritas]

Just rediscuss the matter using the points you were shown here, for instance.
Communicate. Debate. Juge.

[CaptainStigmata]

How did things turn out, SHIZON?

[Mandy]

She murdered him.

[Jacoby]

I agree with the people who think she's screwing you over. Basically she wants more options but at the same time wants you to still be there for her if she doesn't find anything better. Making you her puppy. Fuck that. I bet you don't care about our advice because we don't 'know her like you know her'. But this same thing has happened to me twice before. They're all the damn same. If they show you one side of greed and bullshit like that, get out. I mean, if she did date around for a while, and then eventually come back to you, wouldn't that feel awkward? I would question why she would have left in the first place, and I would never feel the same about her. Fucking women.

You posted this a month ago, though. So it's probably worked itself out, but that's what I think about the situation.

[billie]

am i late for this reply? anyways, from what i see in ur situation..i should let her go and give her space.. maybe she just needs some time to think things over or she just needs more assurance that she really do love you.. to test her feelings.. or maybe ur being too serious about the relationship, ur going too fast.. u know some ladies do get scared when their gf/bf are so much into relationship.. act freely and let her see that its ok with you if she went out with other people.. its not ur lose anyway.. give her the time to realize something..

[dave]

Originally Posted by Jacoby

I agree with the people who think she's screwing you over. Basically she wants more options but at the same time wants you to still be there for her if she doesn't find anything better. Making you her puppy. <snip>
You posted this a month ago, though. So it's probably worked itself out, but that's what I think about the situation.

One question. Did you ever sleep with this woman? The answer to that one question should make a difference in how you handle the situation.

1) No I never slept with her.
Since I'm the poster child for this sort of thing; (Married 20 years, 15 good ones and 5 waiting for her to sign the divorce papers.) Let her go. If she comes back, you both will have great stories to tell. Odds are she is already gone.

Do any of you guys listen to "The Blues?" Do you know what a "backdoor man" is? There are so many great songs about this sort of situation. Go buy a "Koko Taylor" record. Play it for awhile, and go find you a woman who loves you to love. There are more women out there than men.

2) Yes, we are lovers.
You'd better talk this through. Your options are limited. I know many men who end up paying child support for 18 years to a woman they never sleep with again. Especially in Texas. Their laws are very strange. My daughter has to send my granddaughter out to Houston about once a month to see her other grandparents. The granddaughter's father is never there. The absent parent must pay transportation to see the granddaughter. Actually, the grandparents pay, the father is r$%^&*. Enough! ).

(The following statement does not apply to my daughter, believe me, I know.) Note that several of the abandoned fathers I know later had dna tests done, found out they were not the father, had to pay the child support anyway. (The mother was sleeping with both of them and picked the one she thought would pay.)

In which case you might need this link.

I agree with Tabrasa below. And I wanted to add the caution about AIDS and (the equivalent of) cheating spouses. You do not want to sleep with someone who is "sleeping around". If she slept with you, and is looking for better, she is most likely sleeping with the candidates.

[Tabrasa]

Actually it sounds to me like she's wanting to break up, but using the classic passive method of doing so. That way he finds someone else, or at least she is able to distance herself so there is no confrontation, or the guilt is lessened by hurting him. "I think we should date other people" = "I've decided you're not the right one for me, I DO care about you though and don't want to hurt you, but I'm too scared to tell you outright, so this way I can quietly fade away."

Just another opinion to the mix...

Tab

[Jacoby]

Originally Posted by dave

One question. Did you ever sleep with this woman? The answer to that one question should make a difference in how you handle the situation.

In my situation, I never slept with the woman (if you can call her that...immature,) no. She had told me she was a virgin, and I found that appealing because I actually am lacking any type of experience on the p-in-the-v dance. BUT, here's the kicker. At the same time she was telling me that she was a virgin and found sex kinda gross, she was fucking her exboyfriend. Well, not the same exact time, because I would have noticed something like that, but within the same time period. She then came up to me, crying, saying her ex kissed her when she was trying to work thinks out with him. She was "unwilling" to kiss him but he was 'so persistant'! Ugh. But yeah, I took that as her not wanting him to kiss her, but then I found out they were having sex from one of his friends and had it validated later by a few other people, the girl actually never came out and said it. She danced around it a bunch, though. "What you heard isn't exactly how it happened." But I didn't care because I'd been through enough emotion and lies and deceit.

I'm not even absolutely sure if the question was directed at me, but I answered it anyhow. I'd just hate to see another kid go through something so stupid as my experience (50% of the depression I felt was brought on by my own ignorance and naivety, it's proven, i have pie-charts) But I agree with your theory Dave. We were not lovers, but I couldn't grasp the idea of having feelings for someone without being lovers. Stupid, I know, but hey I wanted to be in love and I have a stubborn sense of optimism.

[dave]

Originally Posted by Jacoby

<snip> I'd just hate to see another kid go through something so stupid as my experience (50% of the depression I felt was brought on by my own ignorance and naivety, it's proven, i have pie-charts) <snip>

Be careful how loudly you mention pie around here. There is some guy who does truly disgusting things to pies around this board.

And no, I was asking "SHIZON" whether he had. As to your answer, back when I was 17 I would have told the same story. Well, not precisely the same one, you see I thought (because she told me...) that she was 18, a virgin, and truly in love with me. Somehow when she was obviously pregnant, I had to reassess the situation; found out she was 16, and that the father-to-be was a 34 year old barber in the next town... Hello Marilu, Goodbye Heart... As I said before, that girl was absotively wrong. "Twisted".

Originally Posted by Jacoby

She had told me she was a virgin, and I found that appealing because I actually am lacking any type of experience on the p-in-the-v dance.

You don't need experience your first time. There's a trick to it. Lick it for two hours before you even think of doing more. She'll tell all her friends. :icon_redf

[Jacoby]

Originally Posted by dave

You don't need experience your first time. There's a trick to it. Lick it for two hours before you even think of doing more. She'll tell all her friends. :icon_redf

Lick it? I can't reach it. I've been trying for years though, even looked into rib removal.

Just kidding. I'll keep that in mind, though. I always wondered about stamina on the first go. My goal is more than 4 pumps. I won't make it.