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Old 28-07-2008, 07:06 AM   #1
Hollysince1985
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Why Keira needs a well-publicized tumble with a married man.

Dear KK Nation,

Impairedgirl and I consider ourselves to be the authority on Keira Knightley's popularity in the States.

We are the chicest cunts in the US! We are both semi-anglophiles. Naturally our love of the arts oozing from your little British Isles brought us to the hottest thing to come out of England since The Beatles: Keira Knightley.

As we consider Keira as such, we can also tell you all that her hotness is dwindling more with each new day. Why? Because she is free of scandal and eccentricities. Here in the states, we prefer our starlets to develop baggage at a tender age. Take for example, Natalie Portman, Lindsay Lohan, and Scarlett Johansson. NatPo--the closest we have to a KK--is a Jew who is currently dating an unshaven Yeti. Fucking a Yeti can only have deep psychological repercussions that, if she is wise, NatPo will pour into her work. Lindsay is mentioned in the gossip rags for at least a dozen different reasons each week. Right now LiLo doesn't even have a movie to promote, but we know that she is 40 days sober and has traded in condoms for dental dams. Furthermore, we LOVE LiLo for this; she makes us feel better about who we are. As for ScarJo: she has the voice of a phone sex operator who possibly used to be a he. Tragically, she comes with a hyper-sexualized image that belies her credibility as an actress. We like to see out starlets struggle, and to win out in the struggle. Here in the States we have not witnessed any sign of Keira's inner demons. All that can be said of her is that she's possibly an anorexic…which we doubt to be true because anorexia already had a name in the states: Nicole Richie, and Keira ain't that fucking skinny.

Furthermore, we believe KK must do something completely irresponsible to get stateside love. I personally want to see Keira involved in a passionate love affair. She's so stuffy with the period pieces, the itty bitty titties, and the quiet private life. Furthermore, as a star, the girl is banal, matronly even. She needs to come unhinged and let the desire we all know she is hiding see the light of day. Her Orlando Bloom knock-off of a boyfriend seems gay and probably does not satisfy her. Keira Knightley as anything other than an actress is a fucking bore. She's been dating Mr. Wickham since '05--and he's not the kind of guy most heterosexual gals cream their panties for--he's the kind I see Impairedgirl's queer ex getting with. Keira would fair better by making out with her brother at the Oscars.

We've come to the conclusion that she needs a full blown grown MAN!

But who will be the lucky guy to remind the world that KK is indeed a celebrity and therefore allowed a morally objectionable lifestyle?

Impairedgirl suggests Henry Cavil the hottie of The Tudors. However, I think Daniel-Day Lewis would be the more convenient candidate. Keira has a very delicate beauty; and Daniel a more rugged. Also, they're both extremely talented. Furthermore, the timing couldn't be any more ideal either. They're both at their peaks and making huge contributions to our generation's pop culture bubble. They both come off as refined, sensible Artistes. So, it would be utterly captivating to see them let their hearts run wild and possibly descend into madness. All great legends have some kind of decadent love affair to be chastised, criticized, or crucified--but never forgotten--for.

In conclusion, we believe Keira needs to either have a break down, start a lesbian affair, or start doing intravenous drugs. It'd be even better if she did all three at the same time. In order to prove that she is not merely an actress, but an ICON, she needs to survive a public judgment day.


Take care.
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Old 28-07-2008, 08:13 AM   #2
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can jou make it a little bit shouter (or how you say in english)
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Old 28-07-2008, 03:41 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #3
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Oh Yay! Newbies that make genuinely humourous posts! And Americans at that! Isn't that one of the signs of the apocalypse?

And yes, she needs scandal. Screw Winehouse and Peaches Geldof, Keira needs to be in one of those coke-snorting videos. Or something.

Or she could take after Sienna Miller and screw some really married rich guy - like you said.
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Old 28-07-2008, 06:16 PM   #4
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DDL and KK are supposedly starring in the My Fair Lady remake. Let's watch what happens, eh?
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Old 28-07-2008, 07:51 PM   First Class Member Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Administrator #5
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I like you. A lot.
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Old 29-07-2008, 12:38 AM   #6
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Yeah...like is a bit strong, there.
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Old 29-07-2008, 12:46 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollysince1985 View Post
Dear KK Nation,

Impairedgirl and I consider ourselves to be the authority on Keira Knightley's popularity in the States.

We are the chicest cunts in the US! We are both semi-anglophiles. Naturally our love of the arts oozing from your little British Isles brought us to the hottest thing to come out of England since The Beatles: Keira Knightley.

As we consider Keira as such, we can also tell you all that her hotness is dwindling more with each new day. Why? Because she is free of scandal and eccentricities. Here in the states, we prefer our starlets to develop baggage at a tender age. Take for example, Natalie Portman, Lindsay Lohan, and Scarlett Johansson. NatPo--the closest we have to a KK--is a Jew who is currently dating an unshaven Yeti. Fucking a Yeti can only have deep psychological repercussions that, if she is wise, NatPo will pour into her work. Lindsay is mentioned in the gossip rags for at least a dozen different reasons each week. Right now LiLo doesn't even have a movie to promote, but we know that she is 40 days sober and has traded in condoms for dental dams. Furthermore, we LOVE LiLo for this; she makes us feel better about who we are. As for ScarJo: she has the voice of a phone sex operator who possibly used to be a he. Tragically, she comes with a hyper-sexualized image that belies her credibility as an actress. We like to see out starlets struggle, and to win out in the struggle. Here in the States we have not witnessed any sign of Keira's inner demons. All that can be said of her is that she's possibly an anorexic…which we doubt to be true because anorexia already had a name in the states: Nicole Richie, and Keira ain't that fucking skinny.

Furthermore, we believe KK must do something completely irresponsible to get stateside love. I personally want to see Keira involved in a passionate love affair. She's so stuffy with the period pieces, the itty bitty titties, and the quiet private life. Furthermore, as a star, the girl is banal, matronly even. She needs to come unhinged and let the desire we all know she is hiding see the light of day. Her Orlando Bloom knock-off of a boyfriend seems gay and probably does not satisfy her. Keira Knightley as anything other than an actress is a fucking bore. She's been dating Mr. Wickham since '05--and he's not the kind of guy most heterosexual gals cream their panties for--he's the kind I see Impairedgirl's queer ex getting with. Keira would fair better by making out with her brother at the Oscars.

We've come to the conclusion that she needs a full blown grown MAN!

But who will be the lucky guy to remind the world that KK is indeed a celebrity and therefore allowed a morally objectionable lifestyle?

Impairedgirl suggests Henry Cavil the hottie of The Tudors. However, I think Daniel-Day Lewis would be the more convenient candidate. Keira has a very delicate beauty; and Daniel a more rugged. Also, they're both extremely talented. Furthermore, the timing couldn't be any more ideal either. They're both at their peaks and making huge contributions to our generation's pop culture bubble. They both come off as refined, sensible Artistes. So, it would be utterly captivating to see them let their hearts run wild and possibly descend into madness. All great legends have some kind of decadent love affair to be chastised, criticized, or crucified--but never forgotten--for.

In conclusion, we believe Keira needs to either have a break down, start a lesbian affair, or start doing intravenous drugs. It'd be even better if she did all three at the same time. In order to prove that she is not merely an actress, but an ICON, she needs to survive a public judgment day.


Take care.
I am also a bit of an anglophile, as I have a tremendous respect for British history and achievements (while simultaneous resentment for their still valid anti-Catholic laws and the potato famine).

I agree that her current boyfriend seems like he is still in a very transparent closet. However, the Lindsay Lohan's of the world are less actresses and more entertaining train wrecks. She has little validity in acting anymore, and is entirely a tabloid star.

Keira appears to be perfect in the public eye. No arrests, sex tapes, racy comments, etc... She keeps her personal life and opinions to herself and doesn't cloud her acting with politics.

I find keeping ones private life private to be a desirable quality.

She should definitely stay away from IV drugs. Heroin and crack are near instantly addictive and lead to desperation. Many people share needles, ending up with HIV.

ALthough people do love to hear recovered alcoholics list the number of days they have remained sober. At least I do.

I have nothing wrong with a lesbian trist, however.

And am I the only person who likes well-made period pieces?

Plus, is she stays like she is now, she can go from actress to role model.

But in all honesty, she definitely doesn't need marry a rich guy. She is fine financially.
Plus, is she stays like she is now, she can go from actress to role model.
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Old 29-07-2008, 03:05 AM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #8
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Ahh, why'd you have to come in here with your srs face?

BOOOO.

I think there should be some lesbian scandal. It doesn't even have to be true! That'd make all the lesbians come back to KK.com. And then we'd all be happy.
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Old 29-07-2008, 03:52 AM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #9
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Keiralover.

If you were present circa 2003-2004, you would've found a plethora of lesbians here drooling over Bend it like Beckham. It was more fun then, so yes, I vote lesbian!
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Old 29-07-2008, 01:22 PM   Senior Registered Member #10
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It's probably dangerous to make out with Sienna Miller....
Who knows what the hell she's carrying?
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Old 30-07-2008, 05:13 PM   #11
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And am I the only person who likes well-made period pieces?
I love period pieces, thats partially why I love Keira.

And I agree, she shouldn't need any tabloids to be loved. She should keep her private life private. It makes me proud that she can do that.
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Old 30-07-2008, 06:15 PM   #12
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that was a long post but on keira saide i like the fact shes famous for her acting not other things Sienna Miller isd the same yes she is in the media a lot now but she and her married man says he sparated from his wife before getting together with sienna and actually i would belive those too over website blogs or papers which alway make bull up
but keira is still qute famous shes the second highest paid actress behind cameron daiz last year and the only non american on the forbes list so she must be a bit popluar for ''forbes'' to put her on there list which they do a yearly celeb rich list

i couldn't care if she doesn't get as much media atention as others i would much like her to get media overs only when she has like movies or done something well in her carrer not saying cap about her personal life coz it really no one esle buiness britian should be proud that we have a big hollywood star thats from are country
we don't get many all we have are big brother "stars" or other socialites that aren't really famous for the work they do at all the bestwe have don't get that much attention at all, are magazines are covered with 'peaches galdolf' 'Daisy Lowe' or 'Kimberly stewert' who are only famous because of there families or the cheep sad pubicitly stunts they do yet they are treated like they do something for a living and are 'A listers' people like keira are slated or not talked about ever yet those other "stars" are prasied just for going to a celeb party and getting drunk the british version of nicole riche, rumor willis etc...
atlease keira keeps that stuff as part of her private life away from work which for others THAT IS WORK
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Old 30-07-2008, 07:58 PM   #13
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that was a long post but on keira saide i like the fact shes famous for her acting not other things Sienna Miller isd the same yes she is in the media a lot now but she and her married man says he sparated from his wife before getting together with sienna and actually i would belive those too over website blogs or papers which alway make bull up
\
I really dont care if she is doing a married man. I just don't want to hear about it every five seconds. For instance, all Bill Clinton had to say was that Monica-gate was a family matter.
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Old 01-08-2008, 10:35 PM   Senior Registered Member #14
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I'd say a lesbian sex-tape with Natalie Portman. The fact that the Israeli and the Brit look like sisters can only be a plus...how about if they use their old Star Wars costumes, but re-vamped with an S&M twist? "hit me harder with that lightsaber, you dirty Naboo slut!"

ComicCon would never be the same.
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Old 01-08-2008, 10:51 PM   #15
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I'd say a lesbian sex-tape with Natalie Portman. The fact that the Israeli and the Brit look like sisters can only be a plus...how about if they use their old Star Wars costumes, but re-vamped with an S&M twist? "hit me harder with that lightsaber, you dirty Naboo slut!"

ComicCon would never be the same.
well, it would be great, although the incest angle us a little odd. Hell, it would be perfect for this forum.
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Old 05-08-2008, 08:38 PM   #16
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DIRTY NABOO SLUT! I wish I could fucking swede that shit. I'd give you a writing credit!

But...I don't really think that Natalie Portman and KK look alike--but then again I'm from California and I can tell the difference between Puerto Rican and Mexican and between Korean and Vietnamese...there is a difference.
in the right light, they do look very similar, especially the eyes.
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Old 06-08-2008, 03:35 PM   #17
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The only thing they have that is remotely similar is the nose...their eyes are entirely different, bucko.

Different colors and different shapes...Natalie Portman's eyes are extremely middle eastern in shape--her eyes are a closer match to Queen Rania's(who is ethnically Palestinian)...Keira Knightley's, the set on top, are heavily lidded and this a trait common among those of Spanish descent, and I believe I read somewhere that Keira's mother is 'black' Scottish and claims to be the descendant of castaways of the Spanish Armada...if you don't believe me just look at pics of Penelope Cruz and Queen Rania and you'll see that NatPo's are similar to QR's and KK's are similar to PC's.

KL...you're entitled to your opinion, but having grown up in the ethnic melting pot that is the Bay Area CA, I can tell you that people of entirely different descent do not resemble one another if you are really looking closely.
Keira's Mother is Scottish and Welsh, her father is English. I was referring to the eye color when they are seen in the right light. Either way, give me a break, I don't where glasses for the fashion sense, though.
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Old 07-08-2008, 03:56 AM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #18
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Why has impaired girl deleted all of her posts? Odd.
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Old 07-08-2008, 05:28 PM   #19
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Why has impaired girl deleted all of her posts? Odd.
it makes me look like I am double posting. It makes me sad. I don't like double posting.
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Old 14-08-2008, 08:39 AM   #20
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KK is definitely more talented than the US starlets. She simply doesn't need scandals to keep being famous. That's why she's gained my respect and that's why I'm one of her fans now
Maybe Impaired Girl changed her mind after reading all your replies. She deleted her posts then.
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