Room/Housemate Funnies - Keira Knightley.com Forums
Keira Knightley.com Forums  

Go Back   Keira Knightley.com Forums > Wavefront Community > General Discussion

General Discussion Talk about pretty much anything.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 31-08-2005, 08:00 PM   Lifetme Service Award Officer #1
Leonie
Elle
 
Leonie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Nottingham
Posts: 2,631
Room/Housemate Funnies

Right, so for the sake of anonimity I wont mention any names in the upcoming story, but its just so funny that I have to share.

A housemate of mine, we'll call him A, got a hamster. Now, this hamster, being male, has gigantic balls. I've had heaps of hamsters, male hamsters just happen to have balls that combined make up the size of their heads. My housemate's friend (B) obviously hasn't had hamsters before, and figured she'd google the massive balls to be sure nothing was wrong with him.

She uses my housemate's computer to google the 'problem'. Type 'h' for hamster and what do you find in the drop down menu? Hot boys! Hee. Turns out friend A has been watching loads of gay porn. B told this story to my friend C while they were sitting in the kitchen and A was slowly turning a nice shade of beetroot. A's one of those people who always feel the need to cuddle every girl within reach, so this comes as quite a surprise. I'm also fairly certain A and B have been sleeping together, which adds to the surprise. A also insists that he's straight as an arrow.

Why do I think this is so funny? How ironic is it to be 'caught' watching gay porn because your hamster has bigger balls than you do?! As far as manliness goes, this bloke got beaten by his hamster
__________________
Leonie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31-08-2005, 08:24 PM   Officer #2
Mags
Officer
 
Mags's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Uni
Posts: 423
Last year my roommate (19) was dating a 45 year-old man. And couldn't understand her family having a problem with it. And she would complain about it to me, and it was all I could do just to not burst out laughing. Like it's totally normal to be sleeping with someone older than your father.
Mags is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31-08-2005, 10:06 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #3
duckula
Nobler in the mind.
 
duckula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,214
Last year I had a housemate called Matthew (link to blog can be given to those who pm). He was a fat, useless, indigent fuck. He embodies, in essence, everything I hate about people (sadly it took living with him to work this out). Hilarious.
duckula is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 03:35 AM   Senior Registered Member #4
Ashley
Senior Member
 
Ashley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Kansas
Posts: 594
Why do things like rodents and hamsters have such ginormous balls? Seriously, huge.

Roomies are always a source of amusment... unless they suck.

A gem from my roomie while we both watched Dirty Dancing: "When I was young I didn't know what sex was, but I knew it was Patirck Swayze."

My old roomate fell in love with her adopt-a-soldier... it was fun.
__________________
Ashley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 06:22 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #5
acliff
llama llama duck
 
acliff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: London
Posts: 1,818
2 years ago, my rather large friend, being slightly (read terribly obnoxious) one evening while drunk, broke the hinges of my door by aimlessly throwing a fire exinguisher at it. Good times, considering in shared student accomodation with unsecured firedoors in between each block, the chances of something being stolen is almost guaranteed.

A couple of days later, said housemate gets carried home after a night out, having been rohypnol'ed. Being a cheap bastard, it appears that he picked up a random drink while he was pissed thinking that he'd swipe it and have a drink for free. Karmic justice, fucker. Although to be fair, while he doesn't remember a thing, I remember the stuggle of helping to carry his dead weight 16 stone bulk up 2 flights of stairs.
You have to be grateful that he probably stopped a girl from getting raped. But I very much doubt that he had any noble intentions, if in fact any thoughts at all at this point.

More stories when my memory wakes up
__________________
Leave a message...
acliff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 07:46 AM   Lifetme Service Award Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Retired Administrator #6
Liam
Bogan Elite
 
Liam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 1,446
Quote:
Originally Posted by duckula
Last year I had a housemate called Matthew (link to blog can be given to those who pm). He was a fat, useless, indigent fuck. He embodies, in essence, everything I hate about people (sadly it took living with him to work this out). Hilarious.
Is that the chap who drove us to the airshow?
__________________
The greatest delight is to mark one's enemy, prepare everything, avenge oneself thoroughly, and then go to sleep.
-Stalin
Liam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 09:40 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #7
duckula
Nobler in the mind.
 
duckula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,214
Yes. It went downhill from there.
duckula is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 09:47 AM   Lifetme Service Award Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Retired Administrator #8
Liam
Bogan Elite
 
Liam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 1,446
I remember him as a rather large, red headed bloke, whom I still owe 20 pounds.

Would it be fair to assume he is a proper slob who eats too much?
__________________
The greatest delight is to mark one's enemy, prepare everything, avenge oneself thoroughly, and then go to sleep.
-Stalin
Liam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 10:27 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #9
duckula
Nobler in the mind.
 
duckula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,214
That and more.
duckula is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 10:39 AM   Lifetme Service Award Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Retired Administrator #10
Liam
Bogan Elite
 
Liam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 1,446
Do tell. Let it all out.
__________________
The greatest delight is to mark one's enemy, prepare everything, avenge oneself thoroughly, and then go to sleep.
-Stalin
Liam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 10:54 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #11
duckula
Nobler in the mind.
 
duckula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,214
Ask cliff. I am blinded by rage.
duckula is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 01:01 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #12
hasselbrad
Senior Citizen
 
hasselbrad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Sugar Hill, GA... finally! Civilization!
Posts: 4,590
I had a roommate who bragged about various sexual exploits with several different females. Problem was, most of us were closer to said females than he. We managed to get two of them to bust him publicly...and most embarrassingly.

Oh, and we had a "roommate" who didn't pay any rent. Some bum took up under one of the shithole houses I lived in. He was a hoot, always shitting in the back yard and such.
__________________
"Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham."
I'll try being nicer...if you'll try being smarter.
hasselbrad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 03:06 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #13
acliff
llama llama duck
 
acliff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: London
Posts: 1,818
That Fat Matt, on our last day as housemates, did the unthinkable.

We were packing everything up in order to move into the new house the following day. Hoovering, tidying etc. Our future housemate Hannah was lovely enough to help us with the cleaning. Because matt is fat and useless and takes up lots of space which could be used for stacking boxes, we assigned him one job.
*sets the scene* - Matt was alone in the house for a month of so, because he hates his parents (because I assume his parents can't stand him, with just cause) and decides to stay in Southampton, the bumhole of Britain. Now he was the only person in the house, and for the life of me I can't understand, he didn't clean one bit. His diet is, as you would expect, shocking. His cooking is even worse. And he smells terrible. Which makes the next bit even more nasty.
He had somehow managed to shit all over the toilet seat and didn't have either the foresight, self awareness, house training, to actually clean it up till we arrived. And the toilet stank as if it had been filled with sewage for the previous 5 weeks.

So the one job that we gave him was to clean that shit up, because understandably we wouldn't clean up his shit. Which he proceeds to ignore until 5 minutes before we leave. I visit to see its status, and come out choking. I shout at him for a while until he goes in there to 'clean'.

Midday the next day, I get a furious call from the landlord, who (although he's a right cunt and has currently stolen 33% of our money) says that the house is in a state. I object, saying we spent ages cleaning, and the landlord says the toilet is full of shit. Which I can't object to because it was like that, and I didn't check after Matt was done. It transpires that all he did was wiped the top, (yes it was on the top) wadded up all the toilet paper, dumped it in the bowl, put the toilet roll cardboard tube in, and then put limescale remover in, thinking something would happen. From the sounds of it, he didn't even flush the fucking thing (although it probably would have flooded).

And from there our tenant - landlord feud started.
All because Matt is too fat to aim properly into a toilet seat.
__________________
Leave a message...
acliff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 04:35 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #14
hasselbrad
Senior Citizen
 
hasselbrad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Sugar Hill, GA... finally! Civilization!
Posts: 4,590
Quote:
He had somehow managed to shit all over the toilet seat and didn't have either the foresight, self awareness, house training, to actually clean it up till we arrived. And the toilet stank as if it had been filled with sewage for the previous 5 weeks.
Like you're own little New Orleans.
__________________
"Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham."
I'll try being nicer...if you'll try being smarter.
hasselbrad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 04:59 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #15
acliff
llama llama duck
 
acliff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: London
Posts: 1,818
Matt would work pretty well as a flood barrier...
__________________
Leave a message...
acliff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 05:06 PM   Lifetme Service Award Officer #16
Leonie
Elle
 
Leonie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Nottingham
Posts: 2,631
Right, here's another story.

One of my housemates recently moved out, and we aren't too sad about it. Said girl would wake us in the middle of the night (3am was normal) with her moaning and sighing, obviously enjoying her time with the boyfriend. She'd wake us at 8am too, after which she and her boyfriend would come down to the kitchen wrapped in a blanket together. Yes, that's just the blanket for the two of them. Did I mention it was a classy leopard print?

Now, you don't understand just how loud she was. She was loud enough to be heard in the kitchen. There is a room between her room and the kitchen. Two walls and two doors. Yet we could hear exactly what a good time she was having while eating our breakfasts in the morning. The girl had sex at least twice a day. I shouldn't fecking know that!

When we finally got over our embarrassment and confronted her, her reply was "Oh, yes *giggle* yeah, some other people told me too." There was no reasoning with her really. Also, her boyfriend loved to wear his hair in two pigtails. That's one on top of his head, and one at the back. Eejit.
__________________
Leonie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 06:06 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Officer #17
Kelsey
Holly Moderator
 
Kelsey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Wild Wild West
Posts: 1,188
I refuse to live with people for these exact reasons.
__________________
~* Kelsey *~

Check out my blog:
http://www.thingsephemeral.blogspot.com
Kelsey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 06:38 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #18
hasselbrad
Senior Citizen
 
hasselbrad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Sugar Hill, GA... finally! Civilization!
Posts: 4,590
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelsey
I refuse to live with people for these exact reasons.
They can't be trusted.
I knew a kid who lived with his cousin when I was in college. The kid I knew went to school full time and worked at Kinkos, while his cousin was supposed to be in school, but unbeknownst to anyone, had dropped out. Anyway, my friend kept paying his rent at the office every month and the cousin didn't. And, since he wasn't in school, he was always around to snatch the late notices off of the door so my friend wouldn't know what was going on.
One day, he's riding his bike home from work and he notices a shirt on the ground that looks like one of his. He keeps riding until he notices something gold out of the corner of his eye. He looks, and sees it's a weight from a set of barbells. His set of Gold's Gym barbells. Suddenly, he notices that all of this shit in the ditch is his. While he was at school and work, his cousin had packed up and left, leaving his things to be thrown on the curb when the apartment evicted him.
__________________
"Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham."
I'll try being nicer...if you'll try being smarter.
hasselbrad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2005, 07:07 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #19
acliff
llama llama duck
 
acliff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: London
Posts: 1,818
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leonie
Right, here's another story.

One of my housemates recently moved out, and we aren't too sad about it. Said girl would wake us in the middle of the night (3am was normal) with her moaning and sighing, obviously enjoying her time with the boyfriend. She'd wake us at 8am too, after which she and her boyfriend would come down to the kitchen wrapped in a blanket together. Yes, that's just the blanket for the two of them. Did I mention it was a classy leopard print?

Now, you don't understand just how loud she was. She was loud enough to be heard in the kitchen. There is a room between her room and the kitchen. Two walls and two doors. Yet we could hear exactly what a good time she was having while eating our breakfasts in the morning. The girl had sex at least twice a day. I shouldn't fecking know that!

When we finally got over our embarrassment and confronted her, her reply was "Oh, yes *giggle* yeah, some other people told me too." There was no reasoning with her really. Also, her boyfriend loved to wear his hair in two pigtails. That's one on top of his head, and one at the back. Eejit.
To be honest though, if one was having sex 2-3 times daily, firstly its quite hard to be discreet, and why would you want to be?

And Kels, you're going to Luuuurve college.
__________________
Leave a message...
acliff is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-09-2005, 06:27 AM   Lifetme Service Award Officer #20
Leonie
Elle
 
Leonie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Nottingham
Posts: 2,631
Perhaps, but should it wake me up in the middle of the night? That's every night? No. Should it be bothering me while I'm having breakfast well away from her room? No. I mean... you obviously don't understand the kind of loud we are talking about. It's... hard to avoid hearing her. People on the 2nd floor have been woken up by her (we're on the ground floor). It's also hard to tell whether she's being murdered or having a good time.

I couldn't care less if she had sex continuously, but I am someone who doesn't wake up very easily because my room is right next to the kitchen *and* the street, so I've learnt to block out the noise. However, she manages to wake me up in the middle of the night, which really takes effort. I pity the person living next to her in her new house
__________________
Leonie is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:27 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
By appointment to HM Keira Knightley.