Twisted Wish

[Hazzle]

Granted. He's full of piss instead and decides to give you a golden shower.

I wish this place was back to being as active as it used to be.

[hasselbrad]

Granted... the place is buzzing and your post count breaks the 10,000 barrier, but you lose gainful employment and can no longer afford internet access.

I wish these fucking horseflies would disappear.

[Hazzle]

Granted. They disappear. They're replaced by a swarm of giant (think elephant-sized) mosquitos from a far off alien planet who drain your blood and proceed to take over the world. Future generations will curse your name since you were the one who brought this curse on the planet.

I wish there weren't so many bloody Sex And The City repeats on. People, the show sucked the first time, repeating it is simply inflicting yet more torture on us. Let it go already; Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a tranny.

[hasselbrad]

Granted. The reruns are replaced by another ten seasons of endless prattling about cosmos, ridiculous expectations and shoes.

I wish I didn't need to mow the lawn.

[eelliiinn]

Granted, instead of mowing the lawn you have to shovel the snow, milk the cows, feed the chickens, repair the roof, change old peoples diapers, and clean up in the garage.

I wish I didn't have so much homework to do this weekend!

[Hazzle]

Granted. Instead of having loads of homework to do this weekend you have loads of homework to do every single day for the rest of your life. Eventually you die alone because of your homework-induced lack of a social life.

I wish I didn't have this annoying blood clot on my little finger.

[hasselbrad]

Granted. The annoying little clot isn't on your finger any more... it's in your brain and you are a vegetable, stewing in your own feces.

I wish I was finished with this paper on Child of God.

[michael22]

Granted, you finish then are inspired to travel to the south where you are trapped by mountain men and raped inncessantly.
I wish landlords would be forced to eat shit everytime they where assholes.

[hasselbrad]

Granted... but your landlord feels guilty for being an asshole and invites you to dinner.

I wish A&E would show more Criminal Minds and less Dog the Bounty Hunter.

[Hazzle]

Granted. They show more Criminal Minds. And less Dog The Bounty Hunter. Unfortunately they become a subscription channel charging $1,000 an hour. Since they have the exclusive rights to Criminal Minds (and you're clearly hooked) you run up huge debts and have to live on the streets, fellating Japanese businessmen to earn money to feed yourself.

I wish PeeDee was here (KKW, that is, not London. Although that would be cool too.)

[eelliiinn]

Granted, she's here, although she's turned into a horrible bitch, scaring away everybody else and the place in one again dead. The only new posts are PeeDee's hardcore gay porn spam. (Sorry PeeDee )

I wish I could be tired now and go to sleep.

[michael22]

Nice one Elin, but do you really expect Peedee's lesbian porn would make the site dead?
Anyway your wish is granted and you fall asleep. You do not wake up for twenty years, you are in a post apocalyptic Austrailia and have to contend with other people while looking for gasoline and bullets.

I wish I lived in a post apocalyptic Austrailia while being invincible.

[eelliiinn]

well it wouldn't be lesbian, it'd be all boys, so yeah, I would expect it to be kinda dead, but you never know...

As for your wish, it is granted but I have to idea what post apocalyptic is, so I'll just say you get bored, try to kill yourself, but since you are so invincible you can not die and you spend the rest of your looooooong life alone, depressed and smelly.

I wish dinosaurs still existed, but they weren't as aggressive.

[Surprize]

Granted. They are not aggressive and turn to be a race more intelligent and civilized than ours. Thus the humanity is not domineering anymore having to call all that dinosaurs bosses. (Wow, what a gibberish)

I wish May holidays continued more than ten days.

[Hazzle]

Granted. May holidays now last 11 days. Unfortunately all other holidays are cancelled and you're expected to attend from 7am until 11pm every day, including weekends.

I wish the hot weather would come back.

[Surprize]

Granted. The hot weather is back where you live but you're sent to Siberia for some scientific research (even if you have nothing to do with science).

I wish I got a job.

[michael22]

Hey, some of us might have to do that yet. (woot archaeology).

Granted, you have the job of working with me as you dig up human civillizations in Siberia and the mega fauna around them. you are paid in vodka and gruel.

I wish that I was not stuck in the unhireable phase of life. I am overqualified acording to most employers of dead end jobs (noone will hire me) and anything that would pay me enough to maintain a cash flow that would allow me to live on my own requires a degree or training. mabye I should accept the Siberian job.

[Hazzle]

Granted. You're not in the unhireable phase of life anymore. You're not in any phase of life anymore because you're dead. Your corpse is dumped in an alley and homeless guys take it in turns to make love to it. Then the rats tuck in.

When they've stripped most of your flesh from your bones the worms do the rest.

I wish the day was longer.

[Surprize]

Yeah, granted. The day is longer for you because you're on another planet where day/night duration differs from Earth's.

I wish I went abroad right now.

[eelliiinn]

Granted, you're in Siberia and you freeze to death.

I wish I wouldn't have been locked out tonight.