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Old 23-03-2010, 03:16 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #1
Hazzle
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Twisted Wish

I swear we used to have a thread like this (if I remember rightly, I started it, but it doesn't appear under threads I've started), but lots of searching and even trawling through 40 pages (yes, 40) of threads couldn't locate it.

So I figured I'd just start a new one. Grant the wish of the person posting above you but twist it so much that they wish they'd never wished for it.

Then make a wish yourself.

Example:

Person 1: I wish for a Ferrari.
Person 2: Granted. You smash your Ferrari into a wall and end up in a full-body cast.

I'll start. I wish it wasn't so fucking cold in my house.
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Old 23-03-2010, 09:12 PM   #2
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Granted, it's on fire!

I wish this bloody snow would go away!
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Old 23-03-2010, 11:40 PM   Senior Registered Member #3
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Granted Sweden is underwater.
I wish for my Masters degree to be done already.
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Old 24-03-2010, 12:07 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #4
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Granted. You failed.

I wish I had a million pounds.
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Old 24-03-2010, 03:53 PM   #5
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Granted, you now have one million pounds of body fat, congratulations!

I wish I didn't have physics revision to do!
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Old 24-03-2010, 08:24 PM   Senior Registered Member #6
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granted you now have to do a propaganda piece detailing the gloriousness of the socialist republic of china at gunpoint.
I wish for an adventure.
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Old 25-03-2010, 07:46 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #7
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Granted. Your adventure consists of being seized in the middle of the night and taken to Guantanamo Bay. The guards take a "special liking" to you and soon you begin to long for the waterboarding sessions that are your only respite from the daily rapings.

I wish I didn't have so much fucking work to do.
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Old 29-03-2010, 06:20 PM   Senior Registered Member #8
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Granted. You lose your job, your bank account gets mysteriously deleted, you spend your savings on booze and prostitutes until you have to sell your own body to pay for the cardboard box under the bridge that is now your home.

I wish I knew another language.
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Old 29-03-2010, 06:48 PM   #9
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Granted, you can now speak Maltese (spoken by about 400 000 people) but have forgotten every other language you ever knew.

I wish I had more self control.
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Old 29-03-2010, 07:33 PM   Senior Registered Member #10
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Granted, you gradually become completely introverted and incappable of expressing emotion. You then suffer from multiple ulcers, heart attacks and horrifying self deiscoveries.

I wish I had limited immortality so as to maintain a slacker's way of life while still achieving things which I consider "great".
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Old 29-03-2010, 07:42 PM   Senior Registered Member #11
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Granted. You develop a mental illness which consists of extreme delusion, until you are convinced you are a character in some Playstation/computer game and try to live your life accordingly. Needless to say you die tragically after attempting to climb a skyscraper with your bare hands or attacking a mana-sucking monster way over your level. Or something along those lines.

I wish my parents would back off.
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"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense." Elizabeth Bennet

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Old 30-03-2010, 12:28 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #12
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Granted. Your parents "back off"...literally. They start walking everywhere backwards. Which is fine and dandy until the time comes to cross the road...

I wish my rotator cuff injury wasn't still bothering me.
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Old 01-04-2010, 11:18 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #13
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Granted! Your arm was cut off and now you have a stubby where your arm used to be which coincidentally is the same one you use for wanking.

I wish I didn't have period cramps.
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Old 01-04-2010, 11:21 PM   First Class Member Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #14
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Granted. You now have cramps all the time you're not having your period.

I wish I didn't smoke so damn much.
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Old 01-04-2010, 11:58 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #15
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Granted. You stop smoking. Cold turkey. Unfortunately your withdrawal is pretty severe and you end up turning up for work with a sawn-off shotgun. Whilst in prison you become a bitch to someone called "Tripod" (and let's just say, he's not called that because he likes photography...)

Walking will never feel the same again

I wish people weren't such dicks.
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Old 02-04-2010, 08:11 AM   #16
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Granted, they're all assholes instead!

I wish my biology teacher was dead!
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Old 02-04-2010, 10:06 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #17
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Granted. He/She comes back as a zombie and wants to eat your brains...

I wish less games were Windows-only (I hate using Windows).
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Old 02-04-2010, 10:33 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #18
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Granted. All games are Mac-only. Windows goes out of business and Apple computers take over the world. With all of Apple's new cash flow, they create the world's first life-sized robot. It goes well, so they create more. Soon, these robots take all of our jobs and eventually take over the world. Human life ceases to exist.

I wish I could fly.
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Old 02-04-2010, 10:47 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #19
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Is it wrong that I love the idea of Apple robots taking over the world?

Anyway...granted. Only you, like Icarus before you, fly too close to the sun. Your hair catches fire; in order to put it out you fly headfirst into the ocean. Where you are then stung by box jellyfish. The pain becomes so bad that you can't bear it; eventually you ask for people to pee on you. Since the whole of KKW loves you, we all oblige. You're forever haunted by the nightmares...

I wish it were Saturday already.
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Old 02-04-2010, 10:52 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #20
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"Is it wrong that I love the idea of Apple robots taking over the world?"
I have a comment similar to that based on your previous post.
...


Granted. It is now Saturday, and you wake up with a huge zit on your head. You stub your toe on the way to the bathroom and break it. You take a leak and realise that you have some horrible purpley green rash on your penis. You then remember the girl you banged in the bathroom the night before. It is a serious terminal condition and you die. Members of KKW have an OMGWTFKKWBBQRIPHAZ in your honour with a huge banner that says "What a way to go."

I wish my period was over. (tmi, but seriously, it sucks)
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