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Old 03-03-2008, 09:34 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #1
hasselbrad
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Bottom Three Films

We've all listed our favorite cinematic treasures, the films that we can watch over and over, never growing tired of them.
Now, here's your chance to rip into the films that you consider to be a waste of celluloid. You know the movies I'm talking about, the ones that make you cringe every time you think of the money spent on tickets to see them. Or the ones that you're thankful you saw on cable or at someone else's house, and the whole time you're watching, you're thinking "I sure am glad I didn't pay for this steaming pile of dog squeeze".

I'll start us off...

3. Van Helsing
Didn't pay to see it, and boy am I glad I didn't. The only redeeming quality this turd boasted was Kate Beckinsale in some skin tight pants and corset/bustier thing-a-ma-bob that would have given Keira cleavage.
The story seemed like it was simply a vehicle to get more CGI into it. I was sure if I saw one more swarm of *name of CGI created creatures goes here* came tearing out of a newly opened door, I was going to puke.

2. Windtalkers
Awful. Absolutely and completely awful. I'm a sucker for war movies, and you couldn't pay me to sit through this fecal festival again. It took a true story, that could have played wonderfully on the screen, and utterly ruined it. If there is any justice in the world, somewhere, somehow, a Navajo shaman has put some sort of curse on John Woo that's made his life a living hell for what he did to the story. It makes Pearl Harbor seem like a really good war movie. Utter nonsense, from beginning to end, highlighted by Nicholas Cage's over the top performance. And, by "over the top", I mean stereotypical and hamfisted in its approach. No subtlety whatsoever, but then when an Garand M-1 magically turns into a fully automatic firearm during a fire-fight because John Woo is in the director's chair, subtlety ain't really in the program.

1. In The Cut
Terrible. The beej in the director's cut in the first five minutes is the climax of the film. It's downhill from there. It wasn't thrilling. I found myself not really caring what happens to any of the characters. It wasn't thought provoking. Unless of course the thought is "why the fuck did I just sit through this?" It wasn't even really erotic. I have never seen a film that features as much sex as this one did that made me not want to have sex. I felt like a needed a shower instead...and not a cold one.
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Old 03-03-2008, 10:23 PM   Lifetme Service Award Officer #2
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You really didn't like that movie you saw last night, did you? :P
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Old 03-03-2008, 10:30 PM   Senior Registered Member #3
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There's too many to mention.

But I have to say my least favorite films are the ones that remake older movies that have no need to be remade.

Recently I can think of Disturbia and The Brave One. They're not really remakes, but they're almost exactly like older films (Rear Window and Death Wish) I don't know, maybe Death Wish wasn't an original idea, but when movies are using an older idea, it upsets me. There's hardly any creativity anymore.

That's generally speaking, of course! There's still some good stuff, but the majority is rehashed bullshit.
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Old 03-03-2008, 11:01 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leonie View Post
You really didn't like that movie you saw last night, did you? :P
Whatever do you mean?


No, I didn't...and it got me to thinking.
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Old 04-03-2008, 06:56 AM   Officer #5
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Dude Brad, you just reminded how much I hated Windtalkers. John Woo's direction was just as horrible as his take on MI:2. There was one scene focusing on a submarine or ship, and I forget exactly why, but it pissed me off so much because it was so bad.

There are so many dumb movies out there. White Chicks comes to mind first.
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Old 04-03-2008, 02:09 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Renegade View Post
Dude Brad, you just reminded how much I hated Windtalkers. John Woo's direction was just as horrible as his take on MI:2. There was one scene focusing on a submarine or ship, and I forget exactly why, but it pissed me off so much because it was so bad.

There are so many dumb movies out there. White Chicks comes to mind first.
Thankfully, I've never seen White Chicks. I'm sure it's a retina burning mess. Pretty much anything the Wayans brothers do anymore is a ridiculous farce.

Dishonorable Mentions include:

The Hole - Shocking, I know. For me, Keira is the only redeeming factor. There are so many "holes" in the plot, it just wouldn't allow me the luxury of getting into it. I found myself simply thinking about how silly it was.

Alexander - Oliver Stone has lost the ability to tell a coherent story. I must admit, I watch the war scenes if I pass it on cable, but I tune out for the rest.

Platoon - Rhymes with cartoon. Sorry, but this isn't the best war movie ever made (I've seen that posted)...it isn't even the best Vietnam War movie ever made. Full Metal Jacket buries this turd like a cat in a fresh litter box.

Jade - Should have been called Basic Instinct II. David Caruso is in it, which drops it in the "worst ever" category by default.

How To Eat Fried Worms - Watched this gem with Taylor. I don't know which is more nauseating...the thought of eating fried worms or sitting through this again. I read the original screenplay for it, and if that had been produced it would have been good. It wasn't.
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Old 06-03-2008, 08:21 PM   Senior Registered Member #7
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I'm really not even going to bother giving my reasons as to why I didn't like these movies, because I tend to wash out and forget a bad film after I see it. Notice most are all rather recent films -- from this decade I mean.

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
Let's Go to Prison
AVP: Alien vs. Predator
Yours, Mine and Ours (2005)
The Fog (2005)
The Grudge
Halloween (2007)
Here on Earth
Seed of Chucky
Without a Paddle
Darkness Falls
Bad News Bears (2005)
Exit Wounds
Halloween: Resurrection
Mission Impossible II
Resident Evil: Apocalypse
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Old 06-03-2008, 08:49 PM   Lifetme Service Award Officer #8
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Since Richard did a lot, I'm going to to balance that out by just mentioning two.

Deuce Bigalow - I can't believe I spent money on that. Or time.
Shallow Hal - hey, I didn't pick it, but I suffered alright.
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Old 09-03-2008, 02:52 PM   #9
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Haven.
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