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Relationships & Sexuality Advice? I-Told-You-So's? Confusion? Rabid Parents? Stick it in here and smoke it. Boys welcome too!

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Old 19-08-2004, 01:43 PM   #1
kilyncw
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a relationship arguement......

this is an arguement that has been going on between my roomates and i for the last few weeks. last night we had it out again my one roommate, his gf, and i are all on the same side.

here it is.

roommate john says that no matter what happens in his life he will always take his mother's word first.

we replied with the fact that even when he gets married, if he will still take his mother's side over his wife's

he said yes

we laughed hard.

he says that no one will ever love you as much as your mother and we don't know what his mother has done for him and whatever.

this is true mothers do provide a love that no other can replace, and mothers do make a lot of sacrifices for their children, typically. but that is their job. you form a completely different love with the one you choose to spend your entire life with.

we are not saying never consider anything your mother says or recommends but seriously.....anyone.......who are you gonna side with when it comes down to a disagreement between your spouse and your mother?

your thoughts.
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Old 19-08-2004, 02:49 PM   #2
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HA. That's such bullshit. What a mommy's boy.

Sorry, I'm a tad mean.

But no, really - I'm very close with my mom, but once I'm married and am making a new life of my own with someone, my mom's word isn't going to come first. My husband's word will, because he's the one who I live with and ultimately will face most consequences with.

Your friend is a dumbass if he can't see that.
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Old 19-08-2004, 03:07 PM   Senior Registered Member #3
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He should marry his mother if he thinks that way. Perhaps that's legal in Kentucky or Tennessee.



Seriously, the dude needs to realize that his mother is not all knowing. He's confused about this whole mother's love bit.
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Old 19-08-2004, 04:48 PM   Officer #4
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Hmm. Freud would have a field day with this.

But, seriously. No one can ever love you as much as your mother? I simply don't feel that that statement rings true. As I see it, your spouse is obligated to (and usually does) love you just as much, if not more, than your parents have/do. I mean, think about it. A grown man, married, with children, dies suddenly. Sure his parents are going to be horribly shaken by this, but don't you think it's reasonable for his wife, the person he shares his adult life with, to be all the more saddened and upset? To me, it's more tragic for someone to lose a wife or a husband than for a mother to lose her grown child. I know the example I'm using is kind of far-fetched, but I'm just trying to prove a point (and probably not very well).

Bottom line, your friend's being ridiculous. He sounds like a young guy, though (is he?). His opinion on this matter will most likely change once he meets that special girl that he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
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Old 19-08-2004, 04:49 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #5
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Is your friend majoring in something that will earn him a lot of money? I sure hope so, because he's going to need a lot of money to pay the divorce attorneys. Parental meddling, even when you don't agree with what the parent is saying is poison enough. Holding you mother's (or father's) opinion in higher regard than your spouse's is a Black Mamba in a suitcase full of money. Sorry, but I just saw Kill Bill-Vol. 2 last night.
Your friend is in for a world of hurt if he thinks he can continue with that attitude, unless he mail orders a bride.
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Old 19-08-2004, 07:08 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EmotionSickness
Bottom line, your friend's being ridiculous. He sounds like a young guy, though (is he?). His opinion on this matter will most likely change once he meets that special girl that he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
no he's older than i am, he is 21 and my other roommate and his gf are 20 and i am 19 and we are trying to tell him the same things that you are all saying.

right now we are making shit money and he's out in a year with no college education to get a decent job, maybe he'll go to school when he's out but i'm not sure.

but yeah we all definitely agree on this one.
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Old 19-08-2004, 07:31 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #7
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Having been brought up by Korean parents, I have to say, there is noone that loves you quite like your mother. Others will give you different types of love, but there is something in Asian culture which states that asian mothers will do absolutely anything for their kids. Make their kids become the best, and do the best, at detriment to themselves.
I love my mother to extremes. However, to be honest, she doesn't know everything. She's a little outdated in certain things. So you could say I don't take her words first, instead, I take her concerns first. I've found that there is a reason for parental worry. Especially when you fuck up as much as I do :P
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Old 20-08-2004, 12:11 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Officer #8
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I'd *definitely* have to disagree. I would take anybody's word over my mom's, considering the entire relationship we had was based on lies. And my mother doesn't love me either.

Luckily, I have other older female figures in my life, and it's their words and advice I'll be taking.
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Old 20-08-2004, 12:50 AM   Senior Registered Member #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by acliff
Having been brought up by Korean parents, I have to say, there is noone that loves you quite like your mother.
My parents must be Korean, because I agree with Cliff. The kid (that kilyncw is telling us about) is right, to an extent. No one will love you as much as your mother loves you. She brought you into the world. A spouse can love you, yes, but not as much as your mother (i.e. spouses having affairs.) I disagree with the 'always take your mother's word first' part...but I agree with the love thing.
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Old 20-08-2004, 04:36 AM   Senior Registered Member #10
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wow i've never heard of the asian mother thing, my mom goes with the whole "boys are better than girls and more important".

well back on topic, does your friend ever think of the situation that when he does meet the perfect woman that his mother could dissapprove of her and not want him to marry her. would he choose to make himself happy and go against his mother's wishes or do whatever she says even though he could end up alone and very unhappy. when it comes down to making choices in his life he should consider his mother's words as advise but to remember that he needs to make himself happy, not his mother.
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Old 20-08-2004, 07:25 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elijahfan
wow i've never heard of the asian mother thing, my mom goes with the whole "boys are better than girls and more important".

well back on topic, does your friend ever think of the situation that when he does meet the perfect woman that his mother could dissapprove of her and not want him to marry her. would he choose to make himself happy and go against his mother's wishes or do whatever she says even though he could end up alone and very unhappy. when it comes down to making choices in his life he should consider his mother's words as advise but to remember that he needs to make himself happy, not his mother.
I agree. You need to live for yourself, not for someone else. If you do the ladder than you'll end up being miserable in life because you're always doing what the other person wants and not what you want.
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Old 20-08-2004, 12:43 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacoby
My parents must be Korean, because I agree with Cliff. The kid (that kilyncw is telling us about) is right, to an extent. No one will love you as much as your mother loves you. She brought you into the world. A spouse can love you, yes, but not as much as your mother (i.e. spouses having affairs.) I disagree with the 'always take your mother's word first' part...but I agree with the love thing.
that's what i'm saying, my mother and i have a quite stellar relationship, still after everything she went through with me. i know no one can love me as much as her but still you instill a completely different form of love that i think forms a stronger bond with the one you decide is "the one" and spend your entire life with.

i wouldn't let my mother choose my friends, she sure as hell isn't choosing the girl i will love. she's tried before haha.

and that is what i am trying to make him see that his mom, and his mom has made a lot of sacrifices for him, i know she has, but still........he needs to lay off the nipple milk and move on a little bit.
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Old 21-08-2004, 12:54 AM   Senior Registered Member #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacoby
My parents must be Korean, because I agree with Cliff. The kid (that kilyncw is telling us about) is right, to an extent. No one will love you as much as your mother loves you. She brought you into the world. A spouse can love you, yes, but not as much as your mother (i.e. spouses having affairs.) I disagree with the 'always take your mother's word first' part...but I agree with the love thing.
I must disagree. Not all spouses cheat. It is possible for someone to love as much as a mother. Just read what Kelsey wrote. Sad, but true.
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Old 22-08-2004, 03:28 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by acliff
Having been brought up by Korean parents, I have to say, there is noone that loves you quite like your mother. Others will give you different types of love, but there is something in Asian culture which states that asian mothers will do absolutely anything for their kids. Make their kids become the best, and do the best, at detriment to themselves.
I love my mother to extremes. However, to be honest, she doesn't know everything. She's a little outdated in certain things. So you could say I don't take her words first, instead, I take her concerns first. I've found that there is a reason for parental worry. Especially when you fuck up as much as I do :P
What he said. Plus I take what my mum and dad say as advice, and often good advice...but yeah, don't let anyone else actually make your decisions...use every source of advice and information to make up your own mind.

Your mate's a fucking pussy is all...

Quote:
Originally Posted by kilyncw
that's what i'm saying, my mother and i have a quite stellar relationship, still after everything she went through with me. i know no one can love me as much as her but still you instill a completely different form of love that i think forms a stronger bond with the one you decide is "the one" and spend your entire life with.
I think you can love someone more than you love your mum but I think she will love you more than anyone ever will...much as you will love your children more than "the one"...y'see? Of course this assumes she loves you at all...which in some cases isn't true...but IF she loves you, she WILL love you more than anyone else as it's a natural aspect of maternal love.

When all's said and done, human beings are selfish beings...we love ourselves when pushed to the limits, above even our loved ones. Not many of us would, if a gun was put to our head and we were told to kill our significant other, in order to secure our own freedom, actually refuse. We'd think "Why should both of us die?"...we might sit here hypothetically and dispute it, saying love conquers all but that's just bollocks...

The only reason we love our children is if we view them as a part of ourselves...it's a kinda selfish love and in that regard one must be careful to take a parent's advice as gospel. Many parents wish to live vicariously through their kids...
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Old 24-08-2004, 09:17 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #15
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How much your mother loves you has absolutely no bearing on the situation. We aren't measuring love in graduated containers here, but rather discussing the repercussions kilyncw's friend's attitude will have when he gets married. Trust me. Having a higher regard for your mother's (or father's) opinion than your spouse's will lead to nothing but trouble. A mother's love can smother a relationship like a python does a rat...quickly and completely.
However, since we're on the topic of a mother's love, lets be sure and recognize that a mother's love, like a spouse's love, isn't perfect, is often misguided and, sometimes it doesn't exist. Reading Kelsey's post makes me sad. Sadder still, is that I've known a few people in the same situation...and worse.
My mother used to give me and my ex all sorts of advice when it came to the raising of our daughter. I didn't follow much, if any, of her advice, because I have firsthand knowledge of what she did to me. I recoil from intitial intimate contact...hugs, holding hands, kisses. I also recoil from contact in bed. I can't help it, but I have a pretty good idea why I do it.
I was brought home from the hospital on January 16th, 1972, which also happened to be the day my parents' two favorite teams, the Cowboys and the Dolphins, were playing in the Super Bowl. My mother used to love to tell people how she knew I was a "good baby" because I just laid there in my crib and let them watch the Super Bowl. I swear to God, the first my ex-wife heard this story, I thought she was going to hit my mother. As you can imagine, my mother's child rearing advice wasn't so welcome in our house. However, the non-stop stream of it wore on our relationship in ways that I may never even realize.
Just because your mother would do anything for you, doesn't necessarily mean that anything is a good thing. If you are lucky, you'll have a spouse who'll do anything for you too. Once you are married, your relationship with your spouse needs to be numero uno. If it's not, get a good divorce attorney.
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Old 24-08-2004, 10:01 PM   Officer #16
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hah! I dont follow my mothers word now!! And once i get married, which has a possibility of never happening, i could possibly agree with my mother on some things or my spouse on others. all dependent on the situation i suppose.
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Old 06-09-2004, 01:29 AM   #17
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My mother is a control freak. She wants to control every aspect of my life. I already chose my girlfriend over my mother. Shes a psychopathic bitch and I can't wait to be shot of her. All that "fruit of thy womb" stuff is bullshit.
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Old 07-09-2004, 03:23 AM   #18
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I've got a friend whos mom is a bit like that, not quite to that extreme, but its getting there.

Anyway, if you let your mom rule your life, you are fucked, go to her for advice, but don't choose your MOM over your girlfriend, how does that make your gf feel? Worthless, so in other words, live your own life, its too short not to.

I sound like a twat, don't I? :icon_frow
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Old 08-09-2004, 08:59 AM   #19
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Lol right on!
But I get sick of lying all the time. I have to lie to see my gf. Mam doesn't see that I love her y'see. I'm not the way she wanted me to be.
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