Is honesty always the best policy?

[Hazzle]

Just something I was mulling over today. Basically wasn't sure whether to tell this girl I like how I feel, since she's seeing someone and I doubt she's interested in me like that...then my mind drifted to my "Blunt honesty" policy, which is that I'm always bluntly honest with people I care about...so...is honesty always the best policy?

My views themselves are that with people who you either don't know or who you don't care about (ie colleagues who're not friends, your boss if he/she is not a friend etc) lying is part of life...and if anything honesty is a BAD thing. But with people you care about I think honesty is almost always the right way to go.

And no, this isn't purely relationshio-based, that's why it's on Gen Discussion and not the relationships board. It's about honesty in life GENERALLY.

[Liam]

It depends.

Obviously I'm not about to go to work in 2 hours and tell my boss "I'm flying to Norway on Tuesday next week to meet some KKW-ers, so you can take your shitty job, rotate it 90 degrees and stick it quite firmly up your jacksie."

However, if it is someone you really care about, then yes. Honesty is the best policy.

[Hazzle]

Originally Posted by Liam

It depends.

Obviously I'm not about to go to work in 2 hours and tell my boss "I'm flying to Norway on Tuesday next week to meet some KKW-ers, so you can take your shitty job, rotate it 90 degrees and stick it quite firmly up your jacksie."

However, if it is someone you really care about, then yes. Honesty is the best policy.

Arrr...I knew there was a reason I liked this guy...other than his spiffy good looks of course.

On a serious note, yeah, that's pretty much my take on it...still...is it always best to be honest with loved ones? I mean take my example...someone I care about, she's a friend, she's seeing someone, telling her how I feel will only make her feel bad and mess up the friendship...isn't a little evasion of the truth (I would never lie if she outright asked) a good thing there?

[Liam]

Better off to tell her while you are sober. Don't get pissed and then blurt it out, cause that will guarantee a swift kick up the arse and an end to the friendship.
Just take her aside when you get a moment and tell her. Won't be easy but its the right thing to do.

It was the best thing I ever did to tell someone special to me how I felt. Try it.

[Hazzle]

Originally Posted by Liam

Better off to tell her while you are sober. Don't get pissed and then blurt it out, cause that will guarantee a swift kick up the arse and an end to the friendship.

Oh I know ALL about that experience mate You know it too

Just take her aside when you get a moment and tell her. Won't be easy but its the right thing to do.

Meh...still unsure about that...just don't see the point if she's seeing someone else and is almost 100% not interested in me (who could be?).

It was the best thing I ever did to tell someone special to me how I felt. Try it.

Heh. Yeah...I see your point...but I don't want to be one of those people who's honest for their own sake, for the release they feel, whilst burdening someone else.

And that's the thing with honesty generally (to bring it back on topic )...isn't it sort of a selfish thing to desire to be honest? Makes us feel better...but does it always make the other feel better? More often than not, I'd say yes, but I'll give you an example I saw from ER.

Dying man asks a doctor for a pen so he can write a note to his wife and kids in case he doesn't make it before they get there. Busy hospital, he doesn't get the pen, and dies. Wife asks the doctor if he said anything, and he turns to the kids and says "Yeah, he said he loves you all very very much"...well that's the general gist...now he DIDN'T say that, but clearly he wanted to...so was it bad to lie there?

[ryan]

honesty ruined my last relationship.
and, looking back, im glad it did. if i can't be honest in a relationship, the relationship isn't worth it to begin with.

so, anyway, i'd say in *most* cases, honesty is the best policy. i try my best to be honest in all that i do, whether it be constructive criticism or a compliment. i hate lying just to please someone (bosses, friends, etc). i find it a waste of time, really. the outcome is sometimes less than pleasant, but that's just how it goes. atleast i won't get caught up in a lie and look even worse down the road.

[barrington]

Honesty is the best policy only when supplied in a box marked "Tactful".

[acliff]

Originally Posted by Liam

It depends.

Obviously I'm not about to go to work in 2 hours and tell my boss "I'm flying to Norway on Tuesday next week to meet some KKW-ers, so you can take your shitty job, rotate it 90 degrees and stick it quite firmly up your jacksie."

Naturally, as its in order to meet *one* KKW-er :-P

The thing is, lying and witholding information are different things.
The difference between brutal honesty and tactful honesty, is that with brutal honesty you don't care when you say the truth, whereas with tactful honesty you leave it till the best possible time.

I personally don't lie. Even as a Sony centre salesman, I refuse to lie. However witholding certain bits of information is tactful in my business. Do they *need* to know that the stock is something that I'd have to get from a different sony centre? and so on.

[Flightfreak]

Originally Posted by barrington

Honesty is the best policy only when supplied in a box marked "Tactful".

100% correct.
Honesty is the best policy, bud not always appreciated that’s why u need to be tactful.

[DragonRat]

Not many people really like a blunt honest answer, but if it's said with tact and considerately, it will be taken with due process. I've always been the extremes of two Hamlet characters. On one side, I'm the brooding, passive Hamlet, who always abides his turn and never does a damn thing. One the other, I'm the Laertes who acts without thinking and waits for the consequences before reacting. In recent times, I've been more a Laertes than Hamlet. Perhaps I've been tactless in my honest approaches to girls, telling them straight how I feel.

I suppose, in ALL honesty, it was important for me to find a girl who wouldn't turn away or laugh when I expressed how I felt to her. And to find that girl - whether or not she liked me back - mattered to me: simply because I never knew a girl who could take such a thing as my heart and not break it. Was it because I was more tactful in my expression? Maybe.

As for straight-out lying, I never really do that. However, in dire circumstances, if I were to wiggle out of a bad look or lecture by saying something other than the absolute truth, I would. I don't think it makes me a bad person, though.

[Hazzle]

Originally Posted by acliff

The thing is, lying and witholding information are different things.
The difference between brutal honesty and tactful honesty, is that with brutal honesty you don't care when you say the truth, whereas with tactful honesty you leave it till the best possible time.

<nods> Agree with that.

Originally Posted by DragonRat

As for straight-out lying, I never really do that. However, in dire circumstances, if I were to wiggle out of a bad look or lecture by saying something other than the absolute truth, I would. I don't think it makes me a bad person, though.

Yeah...straight out lying is something I don't do.

[Kelsey]

Originally Posted by Liam

It was the best thing I ever did to tell someone special to me how I felt. Try it.

Aww. That's sweet. Lucky her.

Anyways, totally agree with what everyone has said. I've fucked things up because of stuff I have said, and things I have omitted. Sucks for me. I would give anything to just go back and be honest, and I fully intend to be 100% honest in the future, and hope that whoever I am with will be 100% honest with me. I advise anyone to just be honest....especially if it's someone you care about.

[Ashlyn]

Honesty ruined my last relationship... But I was telling him honestly how I felt (I didn't want to be with him anymore)
The truth often hurts but it's the best thing you can do. There's no use being unhappy because you're too afraid to be honest with someone.

[DragonRat]

As for telling a girl who has a boyfriend, that you like her, I might tend to be more cautious. No telling what repercussions occur from that, honesty or no honesty.

[Renegade]

Originally Posted by DragonRat

As for telling a girl who has a boyfriend, that you like her, I might tend to be more cautious. No telling what repercussions occur from that, honesty or no honesty.

Heh, I tried that once because I was so sure she liked me instead of him. Not to sound cocky ofcourse, but she gave off so many signs that she was more than interested in me than him...and well...the plan didn't work .

[Richard]

What if you're put into a situation where you a see "male" friend of yours cheating on another women when knowing full-on that man is in a relationship with another women who just happens to be your friend as well. If he's aware that you know, and he tells you to not tell her, would you tell that "girl" friend and have the risk of losing your "male" friend? Or let it play out as she will find out and you will eventually lose the "girl" friend for not telling her. The last option could be to not mention anything and hopefully she will never find out and nobody tells, that way... you keep both friends. Make sense. This has been my way of telling if a person is honest or not.

[Hazzle]

Originally Posted by DragonRat

As for telling a girl who has a boyfriend, that you like her, I might tend to be more cautious. No telling what repercussions occur from that, honesty or no honesty.

Aye opted against that I'm still curious to discuss honesty though

Originally Posted by Richard

What if you're put into a situation where you a see "male" friend of yours cheating on another women when knowing full-on that man is in a relationship with another women who just happens to be your friend as well. If he's aware that you know, and he tells you to not tell her, would you tell that "girl" friend and have the risk of losing your "male" friend? Or let it play out as she will find out and you will eventually lose the "girl" friend for not telling her. The last option could be to not mention anything and hopefully she will never find out and nobody tells, that way... you keep both friends. Make sense. This has been my way of telling if a person is honest or not.

Well first thing is I'd tell him I was going to tell her. Secondly I'd tell him he had a day to tell her himself or I'd drop him in it...I owe him the chance to come clean himself. If he doesn't, I'd tell her, and if he and me were no longer friends, great, because why would I want to be mates with a guy who is willing to deceive the person he's supposed to care about most? If he can lie that easily to his "loved one" then he can lie a lot easier to me. Also she's the innocent party, he's not...he asked for it by cheating. Shouldn't cheat if you can't take the heat. Shouldn't cheat at all, to be honest.

[Dyce_Blue]

What abilities is a Bunny Boiler entitled to on this site?

[Hazzle]

Originally Posted by Dyce_Blue

What abilities is a Bunny Boiler entitled to on this site?

Stalking the members and I'm entitled to sexual favours off of anyone I want. Although I may need to use force and rope...

Silly question...silly answer.

Btw...this is SOOO :icon_spam .

Coming from me that says a lot. Please refrain from it. If you have a personal question for one member, just PM them.