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Old 01-10-2007, 04:35 AM   #1
Banana Breakfast
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Allah Gets Bitch-Slapped

OK, I was hanging out at my friend Clive's place, and his girlfriend's and her 16-year-old sister, Heather, were over. I should note that I really hate Heather. A lot.

So I'm over there, because Clive and I have a lot of money on the Green Bay. I'm trying to stay calm, but this is the biggest bet I've made in years, and it's easily the most important, and the whore-child won't shut the fuck up. I called her some names, and she settled down for a while, but in the 4th, in a really tight game she starts blabbering:

Me: "Fuck-yes! Eat shit, you sopping boxes!"

Heather: "You guys think I should move to NYC?"

Me: "You are a God! Yes! You are my God and I worship you!"

Heather: "Cyril, should I?"

Me: "I don't funking know...FUCK YOU, you washed-up red-neck half-queer. Fuck!"

Heather: "CYRIL!: [I look over] SHOULD I go to NY when I graduate...like work for a magazine?"

Me: "That's what you're interrupting this for?"

Heather: "[...]"

Me: "What are you, fucking stupid? What are your other options, being a princess for a living? Maybe raising ponies? My dream, actually, is to wake up one morning having switched bodies with someone with whom I don't empathize, and have a big wacky adventure. Don't ever fucking talk to me again." [Turns head back to TV...]

[*Slap*]

I really don't think THAT was what crossed a line. Annoying little twat.
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Old 01-10-2007, 04:39 AM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #2
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Her first mistake was even attempting to talk to a male during a game. Her second mistake was attempting to ask a male an opinion on something.

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Old 01-10-2007, 04:42 AM   #3
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I had money I didn't have on that game, and was retty clearly not interested in her little girl fantasies. I'm actually pretty tolerent of her bullshit, most of the time.
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Old 01-10-2007, 04:44 AM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #4
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So...did your team win? Also, yeah, I don't get along with girls too well. Especially really annoying ones that talk about stuff that no one cares about.
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Old 01-10-2007, 04:47 AM   #5
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Best night of my life. Farvey got me back to a respectible roll, and Radiohead announced their new album is availible on the 10th. I'm paying $80 for the "discbox."
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Old 01-10-2007, 04:50 AM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #6
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I can't say I'm into Radiohead that much, but I'm very happy for you.

So Cyril, huh? That's actually a really great name. It's how I would pronounce "cereal" if I was really drunk.

Last edited by Mandy; 01-10-2007 at 05:11 AM.
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Old 01-10-2007, 05:11 AM   Senior Registered Member #7
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..I love RadioHead.
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Old 01-10-2007, 05:12 AM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #8
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..I love Head.
Keep it in your pants, Jen.
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Old 01-10-2007, 05:16 AM   Senior Registered Member #9
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god, dont tease me like that. i actually thought i typed only 'head.' in my post. ha
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Old 01-10-2007, 05:27 AM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #10
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Hahaha, that was partially the point. Still. I know your background in indecent exposure...
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Old 01-10-2007, 05:39 AM   #11
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Quote:
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I can't say I'm into Radiohead that much, but I'm very happy for you.

So Cyril, huh? That's actually a really great name. It's how I would pronounce "cereal" if I was really drunk.
It's actually not my birth-name, but it's pretty much the standard. It's a complicated reference to both Good Will Hunting and Oz.
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Old 01-10-2007, 05:41 AM   #12
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..I love RadioHead.
Damn well better.
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Old 01-10-2007, 05:41 AM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #13
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Still though. I'd name my kid that and call him "Cy."
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Old 01-10-2007, 10:47 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #14
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That was the best story ever.
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Old 01-10-2007, 12:59 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #15
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That was the best story ever.
Indubitably.
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Old 01-10-2007, 01:02 PM   First Class Member Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Administrator #16
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That story is more or less duckula embodied.
You two are going to get along famously.
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Old 01-10-2007, 01:05 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #17
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Quote:
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That story is more or less duckula embodied.
You two are going to get along famously.
Heh, didn't you know Banana had his own "Ask" thread (like Ask Duckula) over on NP.com? It's not that dissimilar to Ducky's version, the tone certainly made me think he and Ducks would get on well.

That and some of the one-liners in the shoutbox have reminded me a bit of Ducky. Jeez...is this place big enough for two Ducks? Or is this a sign of the apocalypse? I fear it may be the latter.
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Old 01-10-2007, 04:04 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #18
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Two of me? Goddamnit I am a beautiful and unique snowflake.
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Old 01-10-2007, 05:16 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #19
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They like you. They really like you.
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Old 01-10-2007, 05:39 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #20
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Two of me? Goddamnit I am a beautiful and unique snowflake.
Beautiful, certainly not. I have the pictures as proof. Unique? Where once I would have said "definitely" I think the jury may be out on that one. The Americans have been longing for their very own version though, now they have one it means you need to spend less time talking to the septics.

And yes Mandy, I actually do like Banana Breakfast. Which is surprising as I don't like anyone.
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