|20-06-2007, 03:47 AM||#1|
Join Date: Feb 2005
This is an actual job application a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida – and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I were in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?
On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?
Yes – Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
|20-06-2007, 07:40 AM||#2|
Join Date: Aug 2004
Usually just take the free foo and frisbies they hand out with job aplications. Then I mak a paper airplane and hit them with it.
88 member of the KK posse, A high powered mutant of some kind to weird to live, to rare to die.-Hunter. S. Thompson
The concept of wuv confuses and infuriates us -lurgh
|20-06-2007, 05:12 PM||#3|
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: River of Painted Birds
Please tell me the giant "M" fell on top of his head as he entered the place.
"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense." Elizabeth Bennet
musings and ramblings, aka: my blog
|25-06-2007, 01:28 PM||#8|
Join Date: Sep 2004
Atleast he's honest. I wouldn't think anyone who works at Mc Donalds have big plans in staying there for a long time. But maybe he will learn how to be a bit more professional when writing an application next time.
I read on back of the paper that comes with the tray when you go to MC Donalds that it helped young people get a job in the future if they had a summer job or spare time job at MC Donalds.
Perhaps it helps it get a bit closer to his big dreams.
|25-06-2007, 04:45 PM||#9|
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Sugar Hill, GA... finally! Civilization!
Most stand-up comics worked in fast food restaurants. It is an absolute gold mine for material.
"Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham."
I'll try being nicer...if you'll try being smarter.
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