Crazy Americans

[apoggy]

!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

What has the world come to?

[DefyingGravity]

...um, source? O_O It sounds like something Atkins would write.

[hasselbrad]

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

[DanMan]

Thats Hilarious!
We should all switch to Theatre buttered popcorn

[Swordsman]

I love bread... no wonder i'm retarded.

[runangl]

ahhh... you and me both swordsman. some good rolls dipped in olive oil & balsamic vinegar... omg.

i could eat it all day.

[deviljet88]

I'm such a simpleton, plain white toast and thick cheese, mmm

[kingdumbass]

To me, it simply isn't a real meal unless it involves some form of meat and bread....

[Hazzle]

Bread's delicious.

With olive oil. Yummy.

Or with cheese on toast. Yummy.

Or just on its own. Yummy.

God I love bread.

[keira89]

Originally Posted by Hazzle

Bread's delicious.

With olive oil. Yummy.

Or with cheese on toast. Yummy.

Or just on its own. Yummy.

God I love bread.

me loves bread too! mostly plain bread!

[NinjaTurtleRocky]

Originally Posted by DanMan

Thats Hilarious!
We should all switch to Theatre buttered popcorn

that would make a terrible PB&J if i say so myself....