Idea for a Screenplay

[Spire]

Here's the story behind this: Narg had this dream of Keira. It involved Keira firing an Ak-47 out the window of a car while Narg drove it at blindly fast speeds. And today at work, I got pretty freaking bored, so I thought up a movie idea for his dream. Now, bear with me, I've never written a screenplay before, and the idea I came up with isn't overly original, but it could work, in my opinion. So...here is the general synopsis for our movie.

[INTRO] The film opens inside an elevator. The only occupant is a thin, but well-built man in a dark jacket and pants. This man walks to a door in the hallway, pulls a shotgun out of his jacket and blows off the hinges, then kicks down the door. The POV stays outside of the apartment, but we hear the man walk through the apartment, the screams of help from his victim, and the gunshots that end the victims life. The man walks out and leaves the building.

The man we have just seen is only referred to as Randen. He doesn’t know who he is, what his main purpose in life is, or even why he’s living. We wakes up every morning knowing who he has to kill for that day and that’s all he cares about now. He’s not a robot, a brainwashed drone mindlessly doing tasks some higher force has given him. He’s as aware as you or I, he has just lost his will to care about the bigger picture. He has been doing this for years, it’s now a routine. He wakes up, kills his target, comes home to his apartment, eats something, and then goes to sleep. When he wakes up his food and ammunition are replenished, and a new target has been planted in his mind. He lives this cycle, not caring what or who was providing him with this information and supplies. When theses events first started years ago he cared, he questioned it, and tried to break free, but it was little use. He always would awake in that apartment. A man who has lost the will to care about anything, or even to live. He has nothing to live for, but sees no point in wasting his own life, so he continues this cycle without thinking about what it all means.

This all changes when he hunts down a target named Tobias Sven. At the house of Tobias, he encounters a woman who seems to be hunting Tobias herself. Neither of them cares who actually kills Tobias just as long as Tobias dies. They team up to kill him and after the job is done, Randen questions the woman’s identity. She confesses that she is not quite sure herself and describes her situation. Much to Randen’s surprise, the woman is in the same situation he is in, and the find their way to a local diner to talk. The woman calls herself Kiren, and seems to question her current situation a lot more than Randen does. After a somewhat long discussion (which I won’t talk about here because it’s not necessary at this point) they decide to break out of the system together. They agree that tomorrow they will meet at the diner after they have eliminated their targets and find a way out of the city together. Randen returns to his apartment and goes to sleep without eating anything. In the morning, he gathers as much ammo as he can hold, and goes off to eliminate his next target. After doing so, he goes to the diner where he finds Kiren waiting. Realizing they have no actual money, Randen decides to pawn one of his guns. The pawnshop owner, however, reveals a troubling piece of information. The guns are syndicate issue. The pawnshop owner refuses to buy them for fear of being punished by the syndicates, and, after being questioned by Randen and Kiren, reveals that they belong to the Black Dragon syndicate.

Randen and Kiren make their way to the syndicate headquarters and proceed to shoot their way in (think Matrix Lobby scene). After a long gun battle with several body guards, they find the syndicate boss, who confirms their thoughts. They are assassins, their identities have been erased, and they work for the syndicate. The syndicate boss explains that the food provided for them contained some suppressants that kept them from rebelling. The boss admits that they have hundreds of such operatives around the city, and Randen proceeds to kill him. Randen and Kiren see reinforcements drive up to the building and make a dash for the armory. Their they stock up on weapons, and then make their way to the garage. They hop in a car (Narg had a specific car in mind, but I forget what it was.) and take off for the outskirts of the city. What proceeds is an all-out kick-ass car chase. About 10 or so syndicate cars are chasing Randen and Kiren through heavy city traffic. Randen is driving, while Kiren fires an AK-47 and grenades at the syndicate cars in pursuit. The men in the pursuing cars are armed with RPG’s and grenade launchers, as well as an assortment of automatic weapons. As the cars swerve in and out of traffic, rockets, grenades and gunfire take out several car caught in the crossfire, as well as the sides of buildings, bridges, and anything else we can blow up. Eventually, only one syndicate car remains, and as Randen and Kiren approach the city limits the syndicate finally scores a hit on their car. After their car crashes, Randen drags Kiren’s dying body out of the car. After exchanging a few words, Kiren dies in Randen’s arms. By that time the syndicate men have made their way to Randen and, after seeing the pain in his face, shoot him. The final shot shows Randen dying body, with Kiren in his arms, amid a pile of rumble and destruction. The camera slowly rises higher and higher before tilting to reveal a blue sky. This final shot is set to the song “Blue” by Mai Yamane.

Now, a few facts:
1. Kiren will be played by Keira, of course.
2. I stole the ending directly from Cowboy Bebop, same song and everything. So I'm not even going to try to claim I made that up myself. However, the song fits the situation perfectly, and is just great overall.
3. The weakest part, in my opinion, is in fact the ending. I want both Randen and Kiren to die, but I couldn't think of a really poetic way for them to die.
4. I know it needs work, this is my rough draft of the plot. A full screenplay would take me a month or so to write, so I'm not going to work on that unless something interesting happens.

[Narg]

Love action movies, and the dream was freakin awesome .

[Spire]

Narg has reminded me of a few details...

- Keira is wearing a white dress during the car chase scene. I'm thinking of adding a marriage between the two, probably after they killl the syndicate boss. They'll make a clean getaway and start another life. The syndicate goons (as I like to call them) will catch up with them at the wedding and Randen and Kiren have to make a quick exit, leading to the car chase finale.

- The car is this one:

[Narg]

Ahh yes, the power of the mighty SR20DET 180sx, combined with the beauty of keira knightley firing a automatic weapon in a white dress, folks, it dosnt get any better than this.

[Hazzle]

Okaaay. Think it needs a LOT of work chaps...seems more than a little samey and shallow...any ideas on how you could add some soul and depth to the characters?

[Narg]

I drempt that shit. I got no need for ideas .

[Spire]

Depth? Pffft....depth is for hosers. Most character development will be handled through dialogue, so who knows. This is mainly an action movie, with a slim plot. I've seen plenty of movies, and my biggest complaint about most action movies is that they spend too much time working on their horrible plot. I did not pay to see an action movie so I could watch the white cop and his funky black assistant moan about their personal lives.

If I had a chance to make one film, it would be a pure, visceral ninja movie. No plot whatsoever. It's a kickass ninja mowing down wave after wave of anonymous henchman. He'd run around a city, fucking up anything he wanted to. It's pure cinema, it's entertainment, no fluff, no filler, just action. It would have to be a fairly short film, since non-stop action grows tiresome after awhile, but it'd be great anyway. Plus, we haven't had a good ninja movie in many, many years. I think we're due.

[hasselbrad]

Keira has become my muse. I have two different ideas in the embryonic stage and another in conception. I'll post something when I have them more fleshed out.

[Kelsey]

Seen it.

As Haz said, it's completely cliched and character development is crucial. And no, character won't come through dialogue. Your dialogue needs to reflect each character, therefore they need to be clear in your mind before starting. Especially for characters you described above.

As for your "this is mainly an action movie, with a slim plot", you may want to rethink that. It's okay for Jerry Bruckheimer to make an action movie with a slim plot because he's Jerry Bruckheimer. But no one in their right mind would buy a script from an unknown unless it has an awesome plot. Plot drives the script in stories like this.

Despite all I said, you should work it out. There's nothing cooler than finishing a screenplay you've come up with.

[Spire]

Maybe I didn't mention it, but I'm not "seriously" writing this screenplay. If I got bored, I might write the whold thing out, but I surely wouldn't try to sell, I'd simply write it for shits and giggles. I'm not dreaming of Academy Awards here...

I had planned for a lot of character development to come out of the woodwork during the first cafe scene. And several more scenes would have to be added, because as it is right now, the film would be pretty short. My only real drive to complete the screenplay would be to see the car chase scene. We came up with some pretty awesome ideas for it.

I usually lose interest in things like this before I finish them, so I doubt a finished version of that idea would ever see the light of day. I tried writing a screenplay for Metal Gear Solid once, but the plane crashed before it even got out of the hangar, if you know what I mean.

[Hazzle]

Originally Posted by Kelsey

Seen it.

As Haz said

WHA?! Kels agreeing with me? Has the world ended while I nodded off?

Guys...go for it...write it...I wasn't trying to take the piss...just providing constructive criticism. That's what you posted for, I assume, unless it was to pat each other on the back?

[Spire]

Originally Posted by Hazzle

WHA?! Kels agreeing with me? Has the world ended while I nodded off?

Guys...go for it...write it...I wasn't trying to take the piss...just providing constructive criticism. That's what you posted for, I assume, unless it was to pat each other on the back?

Hmm, I'll work on it when time allows. Anymore suggestions would be greatly appreciated. For me, this is more of a test on whether I can produce something halfway decent, and not a stab at a production-worthy script. We shall see how this turns out...

[hasselbrad]

If you don’t mind my asking, how do you go about writing screenplay?
By this, I mean your method. Do you have scenes in mind, write them out and then tie it all together? Do you have a story in mind, outline it and then fill in?
Index cards?
Straight into the computer?
Typewriter?
Longhand?
Pen or pencil?

[Narg]

Thought my dream would make a sweet movie, and started to write shit about it .

[Kelsey]

Originally Posted by hasselbrad

If you don’t mind my asking, how do you go about writing screenplay?
By this, I mean your method. Do you have scenes in mind, write them out and then tie it all together? Do you have a story in mind, outline it and then fill in?
Index cards?
Straight into the computer?
Typewriter?
Longhand?
Pen or pencil?

I PM'd you back about it (sorry, I totally didn't see this post). Good luck

[hasselbrad]

Got it. Thank you.

Christian Bale would be a good acotr for Randen

[apoggy]

ruud, at least spell his name right dimwit

[Jacoby]

Originally Posted by apoggy

ruud, at least spell his name right dimwit

It's the Nistelrooy curse...last time I forgot the whole silly 'Van' part...

[Hazzle]

C'mon Poggs, no need to be like that...it's not his fault he can't spell...he's a United fan...gotta be braindead

PS: Why has this thread been taken off topic by an ADMIN?! FOR SHAME!!! And then you accuse us lot of spamming unduly