Ok...Question...

[MeggieHoops]

Ok so, I was talking to my friend about this earlier, so I thought I'd ask all you KKWer's advice.

There are usually alot of men in my life that I'm flirty with, and it's fun and I enjoy it, but I def. want something more, you know? However...whenever I start to have REAL feelings for someone, I get scared and end up saying/doing things to hurt them...sometimes intentionally (as I'm sure some people around here know only too well... :icon_err: ). I know how bad this is, but for some reason I can't seem to stop doing it. I guess in a way I'd rather hurt them than let myself get hurt, but in the end, hurting them hurts me. Any advice on how I can get over the feeling of being scared and commit myself to a real relationship?

[Hazzle]

Don't get over it. The right guy'll come along who can deal with it and put you at ease eventually so you never feel afraid about it again.

[Foeni]

I think that's just the way you are. You may be able to control, but it will always lie deep down just waiting to pop out. Then it's better for the (lucky) guy to know before you start a real relationship. Maybe you could try not to hurt them too much. A litte sting once in a while kinda tests them.

[hasselbrad]

Date thicker skinned men.

[Hazzle]

Originally Posted by hasselbrad

Date thicker skinned men.

What he said.

[ryan]

Originally Posted by MeggieHoops

However...whenever I start to have REAL feelings for someone, I get scared and end up saying/doing things to hurt them...sometimes intentionally (as I'm sure some people around here know only too well... :icon_err: )

whoever could you be referring to?

i'll use the ol' poker analogy/matt damon quote on this one.

you can't win what you don't put in the middle.
this translates to: sometimes you have to take a risk in order to acheieve or win something. something (yourself, in this instance) needs to be put on the line in order to get what you want. good things don't keep happening to people just by chance. they don't get what they want by taking the easy road. life would be boring if we never had challenges or obsticles.
take a risk. if it fails, you get hurt. you're gonna get hurt anyway if you keep doing what you're doing. what do you have to lose?

[Hazzle]

Can't actually disagree with Ryan one bit. No risk no reward <shrugs>.

[Flightfreak]

It’s very good that you realise that you have that problem.
The best thing you can do is just be honest about it,
Its very confusing for a guy, so talk about it,
it will make things easier for you and for the guy.

[johnnyboy]

What sort of things do you say?

No guy likes to be insulted or hurt, and guys, as well as girls, have different tolerance levels for such things. Find the time to talk to the guy you like and explain to him why you say/do these things. Chances are he'll understand and the relationship will be better because of it. Honesty is the best thing for a relationship, communication is the key. Just keep in mind, just because you told him why you do it doesn't mean that he'll be able to take it forever.

[KeirazBabe]

Im crap at advice so *hugz to the fellow meg* hehe

xXx

[Kelsey]

I would rather be the type that runs away at the first sight of serious feelings. Alas, I am not. Don't lose all of that hesitant nature...you were right on the money with the whole "....I'd rather hurt them than let myself get hurt" thing. I've seen "Closer."

[Allanon]

A guy that really likes you won't move an inch if you say something bad to him at least I know I wouldn't.

[ryan]

Originally Posted by Allanon

A guy that really likes you won't move an inch if you say something bad to him at least I know I wouldn't.

oh, you young kids.

[Allanon]

young kids? I might be older then you ryan for all you know but as a matter of fact I'm not. And second of all are you saying that you would go away if you really liked the girl?

[Flightfreak]

look, you dont know the situation and i know you post with good aim,
but i think you better let this thread rest.

its not al black and white like you see it

I assume you and Ryan are both in the category of "certain people" or "some people" or whatever it was (just basing that on your replies, sorry if I assumed wrong) and obviously know the situation a lot better than Allanon but I happen to agree with him (or is it her? Sorry if I've offended you).

I do think that if you're in one of those situations, and you know the other party does things like that, you modify your own behaviour and how you react to it. It's like the thing with bullying and standing up to the bully, where eventually the bully backs down. If someone plays games or does stuff like that, they're doing it to provoke a certain reaction. Any man knows all women play games, manipulation is something they're skilled at, and I think any honest woman would agree with that. However if you don't give them the reaction they're looking for, they may stop doing whatever it is they do.

That's just my thought, but of course I don't know the specifics of the situation and clearly other people here do so it's probably best I shut up now.

[ryan]

Originally Posted by Allanon

young kids? I might be older then you ryan for all you know but as a matter of fact I'm not. And second of all are you saying that you would go away if you really liked the girl?

if the person is worth liking, they wouldn't keep blowing up at me. yes, i'd "go away" if the person kept acting like that.

sure, if they were having a really bad day and let a little out on me, it's forgiveable, but if they do it for no reason or some lame reason, you bet i'd walk. why sit there and take it?

Ryan, forgive me again if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you were involved with this girl. So would you say other than the blowing up this girl was worth liking?

If so I think that answers your question because people do weird stuff when they're afraid, and if that's what it is (and that's what it sounds like) that fear should go away after some time because the girl'll learn to trust that you won't hurt her. I think given how a lot of guys act (and you sound like a nice guy so you know that not all guys are like that) it's natural for women to be afraid of being left broken hearted.

I just think the risk thing works both ways. If she's not willing to risk being hurt, and you're not willing to risk being hurt, then it won't go anywhere. Obviously if you think that the person isn't worth being hurt by, then that's simple. Like I said, I don't know the situation, or the girl (other than what she's posted here) so she could be a right bitch and not worth the trouble. Just like not all guys are nice, a lot of girls are bitches and if that's the case, then I'd agree with you. If she's just being a bitch for the hell of it, good riddance.

[ryan]

Originally Posted by Melvin

Ryan, forgive me again if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you were involved with this girl. So would you say other than the blowing up this girl was worth liking?

If so I think that answers your question because people do weird stuff when they're afraid, and if that's what it is (and that's what it sounds like) that fear should go away after some time because the girl'll learn to trust that you won't hurt her. I think given how a lot of guys act (and you sound like a nice guy so you know that not all guys are like that) it's natural for women to be afraid of being left broken hearted.

I just think the risk thing works both ways. If she's not willing to risk being hurt, and you're not willing to risk being hurt, then it won't go anywhere. Obviously if you think that the person isn't worth being hurt by, then that's simple. Like I said, I don't know the situation, or the girl (other than what she's posted here) so she could be a right bitch and not worth the trouble. Just like not all guys are nice, a lot of girls are bitches and if that's the case, then I'd agree with you. If she's just being a bitch for the hell of it, good riddance.

are you referring to meghan?

[deviljet88]

Melvin's good at assumptions.