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Old 13-12-2004, 12:10 AM   KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #41
Ranman
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Here's one way to lose some weight

weight loss
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Old 02-01-2005, 10:36 AM   Officer #42
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The lobbying groups all hate him and thats a good sign.
You may laugh because I'm different, but I laugh because you're all the same! Quote Narg aka Brendon Gilson RIP
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Old 02-01-2005, 11:13 AM   Lifetme Service Award Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Retired Administrator #43
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You fucking ripper.
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Old 02-01-2005, 12:47 PM   Senior Registered Member #44
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Heard one of the worst jokes on radio: What's chocolate and goes around the Sun? A Mars Bar.

Btw nice one FF
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Old 02-01-2005, 01:16 PM   KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #45
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This is just a joke, I hope all you woman take it that way

Rules for Women

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's
just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries.

18. Share the bathroom.

19. Share the closet.

20. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like oral sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
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Old 04-01-2005, 08:57 PM   #46
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Marriage part 1

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and
I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on
table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ......... whether you're here or not."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
******************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
******************************************

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go
home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
**************************************

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
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Old 04-01-2005, 10:03 PM   Officer #47
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lol. Nice post Andrew. You've got some funny jokes there.
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Old 10-01-2005, 06:20 PM   Senior Registered Member #48
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Found some good comics online...








These are all made by one guy. Visit his site here, or look at all of his comics.
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Old 11-01-2005, 07:09 AM   Senior Registered Member #49
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Nice ones Jacoby.
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Old 12-01-2005, 09:10 AM   KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #50
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A 21 year old guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender
for 12 shots of Jack Daniels
The bartender ask "whats going on"?
The says "its my 21st birthday and I just had my first blowjob"
The bartender says "great let me buy you a drink"
The guys says" dont bother if 12 shots wont get that taste
out of my mouth, nothing will".
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Old 12-01-2005, 11:09 AM   Senior Registered Member #51
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Eww.

Yoinked the following off someone's signature in another forum.

Famous last words: What a dope! He can't throw a spear that faaarrrgh...
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Originally Posted by Ardnax
Don't listen to Jet, he's mean to everybody.

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Old 18-01-2005, 04:06 PM   Senior Registered Member #52
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Talking

thanks you guys I had the greatest time reading these jokes, esp ranman's and andrew's ones.
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Old 21-01-2005, 01:33 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #53
hasselbrad
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How did Pinocchio finally figure out he was made of wood?


His hand caught on fire.
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Old 21-01-2005, 07:08 PM   #54
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Two men walk into a bar, the third ducks...

This duck walks into a drug store and says, "Give me some Chapstick, and put it on my bill."

A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi!"

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

A toothless termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender here?"

Meh, sadly this is the best I could do.
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Old 21-01-2005, 07:46 PM   Senior Registered Member #55
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hasselbrad
How did Pinocchio finally figure out he was made of wood?


His hand caught on fire.
LOL.

That one took me a second :icon_redf
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Old 22-01-2005, 04:46 AM   Senior Registered Member #56
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What's long and sticky?





....A STICK

OMGWTFLMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Old 22-01-2005, 06:31 PM   Officer #57
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http://www.hahahumor.com/funny-flash.../dearpenis.swf
Put the volume high
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....-> 3rd Member Of Keira Knightleyz Posse!<-.....
The lobbying groups all hate him and thats a good sign.
You may laugh because I'm different, but I laugh because you're all the same! Quote Narg aka Brendon Gilson RIP
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Old 22-01-2005, 06:33 PM   Senior Registered Member #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flightfreak
what is it about? i can't get to the page
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Old 22-01-2005, 06:35 PM   Officer #59
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you need flash my dear
flash
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....-> 3rd Member Of Keira Knightleyz Posse!<-.....
The lobbying groups all hate him and thats a good sign.
You may laugh because I'm different, but I laugh because you're all the same! Quote Narg aka Brendon Gilson RIP
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Old 22-01-2005, 06:46 PM   Senior Registered Member #60
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flightfreak
you need flash my dear
flash
thanks darling , I got flash but the access is forbidden, anyway I'm sure it was hilarious.
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