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Relationships & Sexuality Advice? I-Told-You-So's? Confusion? Rabid Parents? Stick it in here and smoke it. Boys welcome too!

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Old 26-10-2004, 01:01 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Officer #1
Kelsey
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So There's This Guy...

Since everyone is posting advice threads, I figured what the fuck….so here’s my dilemma…I might also add that this comes right in the midst of being on the verge of getting kicked out of my house, applying for colleges, senior classes, work, a horse with some kind of neurological problem, and feelings of random hatred towards my best friend Ashley. Okay, here goes…
So there’s this guy….and he and I met about a year and a half ago and became instant friends blah blah blah. A couple months later, things got more serious and we started going out, or whichever term you prefer, I’m sure there is one more accurate. Anyways, unfortunately we never did anything like…ya know (the opportunity was just never there)….but the future was discussed and all that good stuff. I’d consider it serious, I don’t know if he did or not, but I think he did. So this whole thing lasted a little while and then I ended it because I don’t know, it was moving to fast, I didn’t really feel like he knew me, etc. Mostly my insecurities are to blame.
So then, we didn’t really talk as much after that because we both became really busy. I had a different boyfriend for a couple months, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. We talked online once, but it was just….different. We used to be able to talk about anything, and now…acting like friends was hard. At that point I kind of thought “whatever, I’ll just let it go.” That was earlier in the year so it’s been awhile and we’ve talked maybe twice in that time. Stupid thing is, I can’t stop thinking about him…I think about him on a daily basis…and part of me thinks, and has always thought, that things would just magically work out. A mutual friend told me once that maybe we would somehow run into each other ten years from now, remember each other, and things would go from there, and as Meg-Ryan-movieish is that sounds, I’ve completely believed it this whole time.
Enter third party. Well, third and fourth party. I thought he was going out with this one girl, but I turned out to be wrong, thank god, because she’s someone I could never compete with you know?? Anyways, turns out he wasn’t, and when I asked him about it, he was kind of pissed…but anyways, now I’m thinking he’s going out with this other girl, cause I’m not stupid, and can pick up on hints. Which reminds me….when we were together, it was like no one could know, which I’m fine with. Except now there’s hints and he’s all buddy-buddy with other girls and doesn’t hide that fact. The paranoia in me can think that he was embarrassed to be associated with me, I don’t know for sure though. To make things worse, after not having talked to him in a long time, I initiated a conversation and worked in that I missed him…you know, not a big deal,it wasn’t supposed to mean much. Except now that I’ve started suspecting certain things, how fucking humiliating is that? Anyways, this is hella long now and I just want feedback I guess. So high school isn’t it? I can’t decide whether I should stick it out and try to remain friends with him no matter what, or just be like, fuck it. Cause, as of right now, i'm trying (and barely succeeding) to fight back the hatred..
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Old 26-10-2004, 01:16 AM   Senior Registered Member #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelsey
Since everyone is posting advice threads, I figured what the fuck….so here’s my dilemma…I might also add that this comes right in the midst of being on the verge of getting kicked out of my house, applying for colleges, senior classes, work, a horse with some kind of neurological problem, and feelings of random hatred towards my best friend Ashley. Okay, here goes…
So there’s this guy….and he and I met about a year and a half ago and became instant friends blah blah blah. A couple months later, things got more serious and we started going out, or whichever term you prefer, I’m sure there is one more accurate. Anyways, unfortunately we never did anything like…ya know (the opportunity was just never there)….but the future was discussed and all that good stuff. I’d consider it serious, I don’t know if he did or not, but I think he did. So this whole thing lasted a little while and then I ended it because I don’t know, it was moving to fast, I didn’t really feel like he knew me, etc. Mostly my insecurities are to blame.
So then, we didn’t really talk as much after that because we both became really busy. I had a different boyfriend for a couple months, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. We talked online once, but it was just….different. We used to be able to talk about anything, and now…acting like friends was hard. At that point I kind of thought “whatever, I’ll just let it go.” That was earlier in the year so it’s been awhile and we’ve talked maybe twice in that time. Stupid thing is, I can’t stop thinking about him…I think about him on a daily basis…and part of me thinks, and has always thought, that things would just magically work out. A mutual friend told me once that maybe we would somehow run into each other ten years from now, remember each other, and things would go from there, and as Meg-Ryan-movieish is that sounds, I’ve completely believed it this whole time.
Enter third party. Well, third and fourth party. I thought he was going out with this one girl, but I turned out to be wrong, thank god, because she’s someone I could never complete with you know?? Anyways, turns out he wasn’t, and when I asked him about it, he was kind of pissed…but anyways, now I’m thinking he’s going out with this other girl, cause I’m not stupid, and can pick up on hints. Which reminds me….when we were together, it was like no one could know, which I’m fine with. Except now there’s hints and he’s all buddy-buddy with other girls and doesn’t hide that fact. The paranoia in me can think that he was embarrassed to be associated with me, I don’t know for sure though. To make things worse, after not having talked to him in a long time, I initiated a conversation and worked in that I missed him…you know, not a big deal,it wasn’t supposed to mean much. Except now that I’ve started suspecting certain things, how fucking humiliating is that? Anyways, this is hella long now and I just want feedback I guess. So high school isn’t it? I can’t decide whether I should stick it out and try to remain friends with him no matter what, or just be like, fuck it.

you knew him for a few months, never did anything 'serious', and thought you were moving too fast?
i'd hate to see what you consider a one night stand to be.

you've obviously got feelings for him, so do what you can to get close to him. over time you might be in a good position to ask him out again. until then, maintain friendship.
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Old 26-10-2004, 01:24 AM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Administrator #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ryan
you've obviously got feelings for him, so do what you can to get close to him. over time you might be in a good position to ask him out again. until then, maintain friendship.
Keeping the friendship is always good. I always thought that If I was in love with someone, I'd rather be friends with them than not talk to them at all.

If your relationship with this guy was good, and strong and you think that he felt the same way as you did, you should definitely stick to it. Even if he has other relationships, remember that they might not always last, and if they ever go wrong, you'll be there for him.

Chin up, girly girl.
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Old 26-10-2004, 01:33 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Officer #4
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Originally Posted by ryan
you knew him for a few months, never did anything 'serious', and thought you were moving too fast?
i'd hate to see what you consider a one night stand to be.
Cute. What we were talking about was getting serious; like I said in my post, there wasn't really the right opportunity.
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Old 26-10-2004, 02:15 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelsey
Anyways, unfortunately we never did anything like…ya know (the opportunity was just never there)….but the future was discussed and all that good stuff.
Are you trying to say sex? I dunno, you should be more clear..and what do you mean by future, like marriage and kids?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelsey
So this whole thing lasted a little while and then I ended it because I don’t know, it was moving to fast, I didn’t really feel like he knew me, etc. Mostly my insecurities are to blame.
So you didn't have sex, and he didn't pressure to have sex, and you guys were never really too serious (at least he didn't think so), but it was going too fast? I'm confused.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelsey
Enter third party. Well, third and fourth party. I thought he was going out with this one girl, but I turned out to be wrong, thank god, because she’s someone I could never compete with you know?? Anyways, turns out he wasn’t, and when I asked him about it, he was kind of pissed…but anyways, now I’m thinking he’s going out with this other girl, cause I’m not stupid, and can pick up on hints. Which reminds me….when we were together, it was like no one could know, which I’m fine with. Except now there’s hints and he’s all buddy-buddy with other girls and doesn’t hide that fact. The paranoia in me can think that he was embarrassed to be associated with me, I don’t know for sure though.
Kelsey dear, you're making your love life complicated. I just warned Louie not to make life complicated. You're just going to keep digging that hole...Don't get caught up in love triangles unless you really love him...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelsey
To make things worse, after not having talked to him in a long time, I initiated a conversation and worked in that I missed him…you know, not a big deal,it wasn’t supposed to mean much. Except now that I’ve started suspecting certain things, how fucking humiliating is that?
It's not humilating. I often find it quite flattering, but that's just me. If he had feelings for you, that would have done it. I suppose if he has just ignored you, he doesn't feel much is there (you did break up with him...).

And what sort of things are you suspecting? You have to be more clear.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelsey
Anyways, this is hella long now and I just want feedback I guess. So high school isn’t it? I can’t decide whether I should stick it out and try to remain friends with him no matter what, or just be like, fuck it. Cause, as of right now, i'm trying (and barely succeeding) to fight back the hatred..
Hatred of whom? I thought you loved him...hm, you girls are much more complicated and fickle than I had imagined.

Um, I suppose you could just say fuck it. That would be the most sensible decision. But of course you love him, so it's prolly not going to be as easy as that. It'd be like me saying fuck it to Keira since she's never responded to any of my letters. You know, it's not easy to break love's trance.

If you guys aren't talking and he's giving you cold shoulder in the hallways and funny looks, his interest level is prolly below 50%. Meaning, there is no chance with him. Whatever you did (or he did), it can't be mended, it's over. And nothing you say to him is going to fix it. It'll prolly make it worse.

So yes, my advice is to say fuck it, and move on, as hard as it may be for you to do so. It will save you many heartaches and headaches. It is possible to raise a guy's interest level back up to the 70% range. It's rare, but possible. But that would require a wardrobe change, that would require you to have toned abs and nice ass, that would require an atittude change, that would require you to change social status in the high school hiearchy(increase popularity), etc. You know, all that sudden change is unhealthy and isn't worth it for just one guy.

Although you should strive for change on a slower scale. There's nothing wrong with evolution of your mind and body.

O and don't be friends with him unless he offers it to you. This whole sticking it with him seems kinda fishy to me. You have to get over him to move on and spending more and more time with him is just going to make you fall in love with him again (and then you're going to get hurt, again, especially if he's the one that dumps you).

And you know what? Fuck him. If he doesn't appreciate you the way you are now, then find someone else who does. Kelsey, I saw your picture in the pictures thread. You're beautiful. Don't let some lame ass punk bring you down. I'm sure there'll be another that will come your way. It's only high school, and beyond high school, there is the world. And we both can agree that the world is vast with multitudes of gorgeous guys waiting for you.
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Old 26-10-2004, 02:23 AM   Senior Registered Member #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelsey
Cute. What we were talking about was getting serious; like I said in my post, there wasn't really the right opportunity.
Serious as in...?
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Old 26-10-2004, 01:10 PM   First Class Member KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #7
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Uh-oh...I'm about to agree with Nearoka.

And you know what? Fuck him. If he doesn't appreciate you the way you are now, then find someone else who does. Kelsey, I saw your picture in the pictures thread. You're beautiful. Don't let some lame ass punk bring you down. I'm sure there'll be another that will come your way. It's only high school, and beyond high school, there is the world. And we both can agree that the world is vast with multitudes of gorgeous guys waiting for you.

I can't say if he's a "lame ass punk" or not...I'll trust Kelsey's judgement here...but Near's right. You may not remember this guy's name after your first week of college.
I've been down the friends becoming more serious road and it didn't work out like I (we'd) hoped...as in divorce. That's not to say it wouldn't work in your case, but if he's dating other girls and not seeming too interested, it might be best just to move on. The part about "noone else could know" is suspicious. I don't trust that sort of stipulation on a relationship. Seems as if there may be a fourth, fifth or even sixth party involved.
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Old 26-10-2004, 07:20 PM   #8
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Guys suck, no?

On a more productive note - my advice is, don't get clingy or annoying about it, but just make sure he knows you're there as his friend and stuff. Like Ryan said, if you give it time he might come around. He's obviously someone you care about, and I don't think just saying "fuck this" and throwing it all away would make things better for you.
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Old 27-10-2004, 06:05 AM   First Class Member Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #9
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If this guy doesn't like you back, I would advice you to stay away from him, at least until you've realized/accepted the fact that you and him aren't gonna be dating. Otherwise, it will break your heart to see him be with others, maybe even getting a girlfriend. Trust me, I've been there! And if he knows you still love him, and you keep staying near him, which someone's suggesting, he'll see as a stalker (been there, too ). It's not possible to be friends with someone you're in love with. And as NearokA also said, you're pretty, you'll find someone.
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Old 27-10-2004, 06:20 AM   #10
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You're going to ask these KK loving nerds relationship advice?
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Old 27-10-2004, 07:08 PM   Senior Registered Member #11
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You're going to ask these KK loving nerds relationship advice?
I know. It's almost as ludicrous as your attempts to produce funny threads.
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Old 28-10-2004, 04:01 AM   Senior Registered Member #12
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DO HIM! DO HIM NOW! okay no...just in a sleepless high mood right now.

you should tell him (okay that's a little forword but hint at it) how you feel and see if there's still something there. it's better to always give it a try instead of wondering what could have been.

damn seriously someone just needs to put up a permenant post or something that says all relationship advice - "better to try then spend the rest of you're life wondering"
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Old 28-10-2004, 05:22 AM   Senior Registered Member #13
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DO HIM! DO HIM NOW! okay no...just in a sleepless high mood right now.

you should tell him (okay that's a little forword but hint at it) how you feel and see if there's still something there. it's better to always give it a try instead of wondering what could have been.

damn seriously someone just needs to put up a permenant post or something that says all relationship advice - "better to try then spend the rest of you're life wondering"
Easier said than done for a vast majority of the population...fear of rejection, embarassment, insecurity, etc.
However, if you can temporarily overcome it, it's usually the best advice.
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Old 28-10-2004, 03:26 PM   Senior Registered Member #14
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oh, and just because i'm pissed off and don't have anywhere else to post it, i'll post it here.
i fucking hate liars, especially when you have unprotected sex with them. especially when you get a good feeling they're lying about certain things they shouldn't be lie about.

now i'm off to planned parenthood.

moral of the story: fuck what the other person says about trust and whatever other bullshit comes out of his/her mouth. wrap that shit up. don't be an idiot like me.
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Old 28-10-2004, 07:58 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by MeggieHoops
Guys suck, no?
Certainly, I'm an a**hole

I would say either 1) Fuck it, its only high school, and if there is one thing I know from high school is that almost all the guys that you meet in high school are way below the standard of maturity that many girls set (not saying that I'm above that standard or anything). Even in college, the ratio of immaturity to maturity in males is something like 80:1. But then also, in college, you are much more likely to meet a guy who wants to think about finding someone he can marry, not just date (which is not the case in High School).

2) Try and stick it out, but if he continues to ignore or show dis-interest to you, screw him, he's not worth your time, and life's too short to spend time on guys who most likely wont be there in 10 years.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, and I know this stuff isn't easy, a friend of mine is going through the same type of dilemma
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Old 29-10-2004, 12:56 AM   #16
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oh, and just because i'm pissed off and don't have anywhere else to post it, i'll post it here.
i fucking hate liars, especially when you have unprotected sex with them. especially when you get a good feeling they're lying about certain things they shouldn't be lie about.

now i'm off to planned parenthood.

moral of the story: fuck what the other person says about trust and whatever other bullshit comes out of his/her mouth. wrap that shit up. don't be an idiot like me.
whoa, lil too much of that womanly love? Most girls are pretty cool about getting on the pill. Uh, so I dunno what kind of girls you've been luvin...
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Old 29-10-2004, 01:31 AM   Senior Registered Member #17
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whoa, lil too much of that womanly love? Most girls are pretty cool about getting on the pill. Uh, so I dunno what kind of girls you've been luvin...
It's not about pregnancy. I know she takes the pill every day.
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Old 29-10-2004, 03:41 AM   #18
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It's not about pregnancy. I know she takes the pill every day.
That's fucked up...how'd she get pregnant again? Did she lie to you about the pill? Are you really going to be a father? I'm confused now....
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Old 29-10-2004, 03:44 AM   Senior Registered Member #19
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That's fucked up...how'd she get pregnant again? Did she lie to you about the pill? Are you really going to be a father? I'm confused now....
What did I just say? This has nothing to do with pregnancy or birth control. I'm not going to be the father of anything. I'm talking about different things.
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Old 29-10-2004, 04:22 AM   #20
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What did I just say? This has nothing to do with pregnancy or birth control. I'm not going to be the father of anything. I'm talking about different things.
You mentioned unprotected sex,
Lying,
And parenthood.

So I just thought...
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