Twisted Wish

Hazzle · 23-03-2010, 03:16 PM

I swear we used to have a thread like this (if I remember rightly, I started it, but it doesn't appear under threads I've started), but lots of searching and even trawling through 40 pages (yes, 40) of threads couldn't locate it.

So I figured I'd just start a new one. Grant the wish of the person posting above you but twist it so much that they wish they'd never wished for it.

Then make a wish yourself.

Example:

Person 1: I wish for a Ferrari.
Person 2: Granted. You smash your Ferrari into a wall and end up in a full-body cast.

I'll start. I wish it wasn't so fucking cold in my house.

eelliiinn · 23-03-2010, 09:12 PM

Granted, it's on fire!

I wish this bloody snow would go away!

michael22 · 23-03-2010, 11:40 PM

Granted Sweden is underwater.
I wish for my Masters degree to be done already.

Hazzle · 24-03-2010, 12:07 AM

Granted. You failed.

I wish I had a million pounds.

eelliiinn · 24-03-2010, 03:53 PM

Granted, you now have one million pounds of body fat, congratulations!

I wish I didn't have physics revision to do!

michael22 · 24-03-2010, 08:24 PM

granted you now have to do a propaganda piece detailing the gloriousness of the socialist republic of china at gunpoint.
I wish for an adventure.

Hazzle · 25-03-2010, 07:46 PM

Granted. Your adventure consists of being seized in the middle of the night and taken to Guantanamo Bay. The guards take a "special liking" to you and soon you begin to long for the waterboarding sessions that are your only respite from the daily rapings.

I wish I didn't have so much fucking work to do.

Porcelain_Doll · 29-03-2010, 06:20 PM

Granted. You lose your job, your bank account gets mysteriously deleted, you spend your savings on booze and prostitutes until you have to sell your own body to pay for the cardboard box under the bridge that is now your home.

I wish I knew another language.

eelliiinn · 29-03-2010, 06:48 PM

Granted, you can now speak Maltese (spoken by about 400 000 people) but have forgotten every other language you ever knew.

I wish I had more self control.

michael22 · 29-03-2010, 07:33 PM

Granted, you gradually become completely introverted and incappable of expressing emotion. You then suffer from multiple ulcers, heart attacks and horrifying self deiscoveries.

I wish I had limited immortality so as to maintain a slacker's way of life while still achieving things which I consider "great".

Porcelain_Doll · 29-03-2010, 07:42 PM

Granted. You develop a mental illness which consists of extreme delusion, until you are convinced you are a character in some Playstation/computer game and try to live your life accordingly. Needless to say you die tragically after attempting to climb a skyscraper with your bare hands or attacking a mana-sucking monster way over your level. Or something along those lines.

I wish my parents would back off.

Hazzle · 30-03-2010, 12:28 AM

Granted. Your parents "back off"...literally. They start walking everywhere backwards. Which is fine and dandy until the time comes to cross the road...

I wish my rotator cuff injury wasn't still bothering me.

Mandy · 01-04-2010, 11:18 PM

Granted! Your arm was cut off and now you have a stubby where your arm used to be which coincidentally is the same one you use for wanking.

I wish I didn't have period cramps.

Foeni · 01-04-2010, 11:21 PM

Granted. You now have cramps all the time you're not having your period.

I wish I didn't smoke so damn much.

Hazzle · 01-04-2010, 11:58 PM

Granted. You stop smoking. Cold turkey. Unfortunately your withdrawal is pretty severe and you end up turning up for work with a sawn-off shotgun. Whilst in prison you become a bitch to someone called "Tripod" (and let's just say, he's not called that because he likes photography...)

Walking will never feel the same again

I wish people weren't such dicks.

eelliiinn · 02-04-2010, 08:11 AM

Granted, they're all assholes instead!

I wish my biology teacher was dead!

Hazzle · 02-04-2010, 10:06 AM

Granted. He/She comes back as a zombie and wants to eat your brains...

I wish less games were Windows-only (I hate using Windows).

Mandy · 02-04-2010, 10:33 PM

Granted. All games are Mac-only. Windows goes out of business and Apple computers take over the world. With all of Apple's new cash flow, they create the world's first life-sized robot. It goes well, so they create more. Soon, these robots take all of our jobs and eventually take over the world. Human life ceases to exist.

I wish I could fly.

Hazzle · 02-04-2010, 10:47 PM

Is it wrong that I love the idea of Apple robots taking over the world?

Anyway...granted. Only you, like Icarus before you, fly too close to the sun. Your hair catches fire; in order to put it out you fly headfirst into the ocean. Where you are then stung by box jellyfish. The pain becomes so bad that you can't bear it; eventually you ask for people to pee on you. Since the whole of KKW loves you, we all oblige. You're forever haunted by the nightmares...

I wish it were Saturday already.

Mandy · 02-04-2010, 10:52 PM

"Is it wrong that I love the idea of Apple robots taking over the world?"
I have a comment similar to that based on your previous post.
...

Granted. It is now Saturday, and you wake up with a huge zit on your head. You stub your toe on the way to the bathroom and break it. You take a leak and realise that you have some horrible purpley green rash on your penis. You then remember the girl you banged in the bathroom the night before. It is a serious terminal condition and you die. Members of KKW have an OMGWTFKKWBBQRIPHAZ in your honour with a huge banner that says "What a way to go."

I wish my period was over. (tmi, but seriously, it sucks)

23-03-2010, 03:16 PM	#1
Hazzle Sponsored Cunt Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 5,168	Twisted Wish I swear we used to have a thread like this (if I remember rightly, I started it, but it doesn't appear under threads I've started), but lots of searching and even trawling through 40 pages (yes, 40) of threads couldn't locate it. So I figured I'd just start a new one. Grant the wish of the person posting above you but twist it so much that they wish they'd never wished for it. Then make a wish yourself. Example: Person 1: I wish for a Ferrari. Person 2: Granted. You smash your Ferrari into a wall and end up in a full-body cast. I'll start. I wish it wasn't so fucking cold in my house.

23-03-2010, 09:12 PM	#2
eelliiinn Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 298	Granted, it's on fire! I wish this bloody snow would go away! __________________ Don't fear death, fear the unlived life.

23-03-2010, 11:40 PM	#3
michael22 eternally screwed Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 843	Granted Sweden is underwater. I wish for my Masters degree to be done already. __________________ 88 member of the KK posse, A high powered mutant of some kind to weird to live, to rare to die.-Hunter. S. Thompson The concept of wuv confuses and infuriates us -lurgh

24-03-2010, 03:53 PM	#5
eelliiinn Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 298	Granted, you now have one million pounds of body fat, congratulations! I wish I didn't have physics revision to do! __________________ Don't fear death, fear the unlived life.

24-03-2010, 08:24 PM	#6
michael22 eternally screwed Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 843	granted you now have to do a propaganda piece detailing the gloriousness of the socialist republic of china at gunpoint. I wish for an adventure. __________________ 88 member of the KK posse, A high powered mutant of some kind to weird to live, to rare to die.-Hunter. S. Thompson The concept of wuv confuses and infuriates us -lurgh

24-03-2010, 12:07 AM	#4
Hazzle Sponsored Cunt Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 5,168	Granted. You failed. I wish I had a million pounds.

25-03-2010, 07:46 PM	#7
Hazzle Sponsored Cunt Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 5,168	Granted. Your adventure consists of being seized in the middle of the night and taken to Guantanamo Bay. The guards take a "special liking" to you and soon you begin to long for the waterboarding sessions that are your only respite from the daily rapings. I wish I didn't have so much fucking work to do.

29-03-2010, 06:20 PM	#8
Porcelain_Doll little-miss-smut-for-brains Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: River of Painted Birds Posts: 1,429	Granted. You lose your job, your bank account gets mysteriously deleted, you spend your savings on booze and prostitutes until you have to sell your own body to pay for the cardboard box under the bridge that is now your home. I wish I knew another language. __________________ "There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense." Elizabeth Bennet musings and ramblings, aka: my blog

29-03-2010, 06:48 PM	#9
eelliiinn Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 298	Granted, you can now speak Maltese (spoken by about 400 000 people) but have forgotten every other language you ever knew. I wish I had more self control. __________________ Don't fear death, fear the unlived life.

29-03-2010, 07:33 PM	#10
michael22 eternally screwed Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 843	Granted, you gradually become completely introverted and incappable of expressing emotion. You then suffer from multiple ulcers, heart attacks and horrifying self deiscoveries. I wish I had limited immortality so as to maintain a slacker's way of life while still achieving things which I consider "great". __________________ 88 member of the KK posse, A high powered mutant of some kind to weird to live, to rare to die.-Hunter. S. Thompson The concept of wuv confuses and infuriates us -lurgh

29-03-2010, 07:42 PM	#11
Porcelain_Doll little-miss-smut-for-brains Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: River of Painted Birds Posts: 1,429	Granted. You develop a mental illness which consists of extreme delusion, until you are convinced you are a character in some Playstation/computer game and try to live your life accordingly. Needless to say you die tragically after attempting to climb a skyscraper with your bare hands or attacking a mana-sucking monster way over your level. Or something along those lines. I wish my parents would back off. __________________ "There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense." Elizabeth Bennet musings and ramblings, aka: my blog

30-03-2010, 12:28 AM	#12
Hazzle Sponsored Cunt Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 5,168	Granted. Your parents "back off"...literally. They start walking everywhere backwards. Which is fine and dandy until the time comes to cross the road... I wish my rotator cuff injury wasn't still bothering me.

01-04-2010, 11:18 PM	#13
Mandy Honourary Brit Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Dorothyville, USA Posts: 3,400	Granted! Your arm was cut off and now you have a stubby where your arm used to be which coincidentally is the same one you use for wanking. I wish I didn't have period cramps.

01-04-2010, 11:21 PM	#14
Foeni Moderator Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Copenhagen, Denmark Posts: 1,897	Granted. You now have cramps all the time you're not having your period. I wish I didn't smoke so damn much. __________________ Danish Liberal Youth.

01-04-2010, 11:58 PM	#15
Hazzle Sponsored Cunt Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 5,168	Granted. You stop smoking. Cold turkey. Unfortunately your withdrawal is pretty severe and you end up turning up for work with a sawn-off shotgun. Whilst in prison you become a bitch to someone called "Tripod" (and let's just say, he's not called that because he likes photography...) Walking will never feel the same again I wish people weren't such dicks.

02-04-2010, 08:11 AM	#16
eelliiinn Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 298	Granted, they're all assholes instead! I wish my biology teacher was dead! __________________ Don't fear death, fear the unlived life.

02-04-2010, 10:06 AM	#17
Hazzle Sponsored Cunt Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 5,168	Granted. He/She comes back as a zombie and wants to eat your brains... I wish less games were Windows-only (I hate using Windows).

02-04-2010, 10:33 PM	#18
Mandy Honourary Brit Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Dorothyville, USA Posts: 3,400	Granted. All games are Mac-only. Windows goes out of business and Apple computers take over the world. With all of Apple's new cash flow, they create the world's first life-sized robot. It goes well, so they create more. Soon, these robots take all of our jobs and eventually take over the world. Human life ceases to exist. I wish I could fly.

02-04-2010, 10:47 PM	#19
Hazzle Sponsored Cunt Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 5,168	Is it wrong that I love the idea of Apple robots taking over the world? Anyway...granted. Only you, like Icarus before you, fly too close to the sun. Your hair catches fire; in order to put it out you fly headfirst into the ocean. Where you are then stung by box jellyfish. The pain becomes so bad that you can't bear it; eventually you ask for people to pee on you. Since the whole of KKW loves you, we all oblige. You're forever haunted by the nightmares... I wish it were Saturday already.

02-04-2010, 10:52 PM	#20
Mandy Honourary Brit Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Dorothyville, USA Posts: 3,400	"Is it wrong that I love the idea of Apple robots taking over the world?" I have a comment similar to that based on your previous post. ... Granted. It is now Saturday, and you wake up with a huge zit on your head. You stub your toe on the way to the bathroom and break it. You take a leak and realise that you have some horrible purpley green rash on your penis. You then remember the girl you banged in the bathroom the night before. It is a serious terminal condition and you die. Members of KKW have an OMGWTFKKWBBQRIPHAZ in your honour with a huge banner that says "What a way to go." I wish my period was over. (tmi, but seriously, it sucks)

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