The Course of a Relationship

[Mandy]

Sometimes I wonder if getting into a relationship is worth it. I mean most of them seem to happen the same way, at least for me.

1. Meet a guy
2. Become friends with guy
3. Friendship becomes something more
4. Decide to start dating and spending a lot of time together
5. Get to know pretty much almost everything about them
6. Once the excitement is over, you start arguing more.
7. It's pretty much all goes to shit after that.

There seems to be a basic cycle that couples go through from what I've experienced and from what I've seen with my friends in the past. Apparently I haven't met anyone I'm crazy enough about to not get tired of them. It makes me feel like there will never be anyone I'll be able to commit to for a long period of time, and that's scary. And anyone that I've been crazy about in the past hasn't felt the same way about me. And even if they did, how do I know I still won't get sick of them later on? Maybe I want what I can't have?

What's the course of a relationship like for you, or what has it been like? Similar?

[JenR]

i dont think the excitment ever started in my relationship.

[Mandy]

Hah. So, a bit pointless then?

[Hazzle]

Pretty much the same. I was going to say "Only replace guy with girl" but you guys would see through that. Except it's not so much arguing or getting sick of the other person, more that I just get bored of them. Then again, eventually practically everyone bores me. However I've come to realise that I also tend to "sabotage" because I'm a commitmentphobe. I tend to get into a "If she's with me something must be wrong with her" frame of mind, then spend a lot of time trying to find flaws to prove me right, and when I find said flaws, it gives me an excuse to end it, which is what I want.

[hasselbrad]

Where does "dump body" fit into the list?





Seriously though, that's pretty much the way it goes until you find someone that can make number six read "once the excitement is gone, you settle in and learn to enjoy little things together and/or apart."
I thought I had that once, but she wanted "excitement". Funny though, I can always tell when "Mr. Excitement" is out of town because the ex gets really chatty. Obviously, the art of conversation is lost on "Mr. Excitement".
As old fashioned as this sounds, I think sex too early in a relationship dooms it to failure. Too often, physical "intimacy" is substituted for true intimacy. When the sex loses its initial spark, there's nowhere for the relationship to go but down.

[Leonie]

This thread makes me feel so old. Like... Old.

[hasselbrad]

Originally Posted by Leonie

This thread makes me feel so old. Like... Old.

You know what makes me feel old?
Taylor turned ten last month.
That makes me feel old.

[Leonie]

It shouldn't, it should only make you proud of a fantastic achievement.

I just mean... well, I don't know, Liam and I must be doing something wrong or something. Or... right.

[JenR]

Originally Posted by Mandy

Hah. So, a bit pointless then?

god i hate him.

[Hazzle]

Originally Posted by Leonie

I just mean... well, I don't know, Liam and I must be doing something wrong or something. Or... right.

Definitely right. I'm a huge commitmentphobe (hate it) and even I think you two are adorable.

[Hazzle]

Originally Posted by Flightfreak

Scary.

Yes, yes you are, Petey old boy. Still stalking those teenage girls are we? Good job laddy.

[Digital_Ice]

Originally Posted by hasselbrad

You know what makes me feel old?
Taylor turned ten last month.
That makes me feel old.

yeah... but you are old!

[Mandy]

Originally Posted by Leonie

This thread makes me feel so old. Like... Old.

It really shouldn't. Just because you're in a commited relationship doesn't mean you should feel old. I've known couples younger and even more commited (meaning marriage). I also know a lot of older people that are single and are still looking for a solid relationship.

[Porcelain_Doll]

Originally Posted by Flightfreak

Gotta put some sort of example for all those misguided teenagers these days.

Excuse me?



Congrats, Brad! She's TEN! Ohhh, I can't wait for the Dreaded Teenage Years. She'll be one lovely southern brilliant handful.

[Jacoby]

My relationships seem to look something like this:

1. Friend with person for a while
2. Both parties interested
3. Become more than friends
4. Jake becomes overly interested in person; looking for commitment (thusly blowing it)
5. Girl loses interest, starts thinking twice.
6. Jake says, "well fuck you, then" and loses interest all together
7. Jake feels like he's going to die alone until step two is repeated with someone else.

I'm actually in a sad situation with one of my best friends right now. I've known her since high school and we've hung out constantly since then. She had always felt something for me, but I tended to shy away from her feelings. Then she moved to Boston and I found myself missing her a lot and wanting to be with her...So I told her how I felt and she said it was mutual. Then, I called her a little more often and showed more interest.
When she was visiting Rochester I sat her down and talked about our relationship. I basically said that I would like to see us together one day and then she started acting like that's not going to happen for a while (obviously because of distance) but I got the feeling that she didn't really want it to happen...ever.

So I've been in a negative funk ever since that conversation which was early August. But whatever. I'm moving to nyc and I'm sure I'll meet a bunch of ladies and have a bunch of relationships and if Meg and I end up together, so be it, and if not... then it wasn't meant to be.

[Hazzle]

I could try faking sympathy for you Jake but you'd see right through it. "Aww" doesn't really sound right coming from me, does it? Your attitude is the right one though, if it's meant to be etc.

[hasselbrad]

Originally Posted by Digital_Ice

yeah... but you are old!

Originally Posted by Porcelain_Doll

Congrats, Brad! She's TEN! Ohhh, I can't wait for the Dreaded Teenage Years. She'll be one lovely southern brilliant handful.

Thank you? I guess.

Originally Posted by Jacoby

So I've been in a negative funk ever since that conversation which was early August. But whatever. I'm moving to nyc and I'm sure I'll meet a bunch of ladies and have a bunch of relationships and if Meg and I end up together, so be it, and if not... then it wasn't meant to be.

That's pretty much the deal. And, if it is meant to be, you'll both be more ready to make it work. That said, don't make the mistake of waiting for her at the expense of the real "right" one somewhere else.

[Hazzle]

Originally Posted by hasselbrad

That's pretty much the deal. And, if it is meant to be, you'll both be more ready to make it work. That said, don't make the mistake of waiting for her at the expense of the real "right" one somewhere else.

And you have to listen to that because it's advice from an old man who knows. Emphasis on "old".

[Jacoby]

I definitely listen to you all. And I appreciate the responses. And of course I listen to Brad! He's so wise. In fact I only listen to Brad. In double fact I'm wearing my I Hasslebrad shirt as I type this, with the pic of him and Taylor on it.

I'd post a picture to prove it, but I'm lying.

[Banana Breakfast]

As several of you know, I'm a very successful dater. Not in the sense that my date or myself have a good time, or that I ever get laid, or even that anyone likes me. No, I'm a successful dater in the sense that I maintain a venomous, cynical wit at all times, and you can too! So, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.