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Old 03-10-2004, 05:08 AM   #1
NearokA
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My awful poetry for Keira entitled Autumn Love

Okay guys, this is a poem by me. SIgh. I'm not that good with poetry so whatever, since my fans are bored with my writing, you can now make puns at my poetry.

When you guys read this, if there is no punctuation, keep reading and don't pause. The poem reads better that way. At least I think, anyway. Enjoy, because I'll not write poetry again any time soon (unless, you really want me to).

Autumn Love
By: Song Hyun Min

Today was a beautiful Autumn day,
Shall I compare it to your love?
I daresay.

I’m liking it,
How green leaves fall from grace.
How they turn to yellow,
To red, to orange, and then to brown.

It reminds me of
How your face changes bed.
How it’s first innocently white,
Then furiously pink,
Then embarrassingly red.

And the colors adjust
Progressively.
As if foreshadowing
The coming changes,
Sympathetically.

The sun beats overhead,
Sifting through trees
Monochromatically.
And the light is scattering,
Bending, flexing, and condensing,
Rather rapidly.

And the Sun’s humble rays,
With its warmth and brightness,
Remind me of your sweet
Personality
And Kindness.

The wind’s divinity
Brings the cool breeze of winter,
From distant northern lands.
Embracing, enfolding, and engulfing,
Me.

And it's reminiscent,
Of your silent whispers
In my ears,
And your gentle blowing
On my fingers.

And these things of autumn
Show me ways of love.
And as I'm walking,
These feelings keep building,
They keep on
Magnifying.

And then I turn
And look above,
To the sky proclaiming,
To you Keira,
As loud as I can,
"You are my Autumn Love!"
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my images reflect in the enemies eye,
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Old 03-10-2004, 06:03 AM   Senior Registered Member #2
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Better than what I could do, but your thread title sums it up:P
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Old 03-10-2004, 03:14 PM   Senior Registered Member #3
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No way in fucking hell I'm reading that.
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Old 03-10-2004, 03:34 PM   First Class Member Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #4
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Can't tell whether this poem is beutiful or not.. I normally NEVER read poems, so I can't tell!
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Old 03-10-2004, 04:23 PM   #5
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Well, it was a decent attempt, I'll give you that. The diction seems very forced, however, and if you want to improve upon your poetry, definitely work on that.
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Old 03-10-2004, 06:56 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Black Rider
The diction seems very forced.
Elaborate.
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I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
my images reflect in the enemies eye,
and his images reflect in mine the same time,
--Mos Def
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Old 03-10-2004, 11:25 PM   #7
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I don't mind if you do more poems. I won't critique your poetry. I'll just ignore it, if it turns me off.
If it feels good, type it.

Peace,
(-: SeventhSon :-)
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Old 04-10-2004, 02:48 AM   Officer #8
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This thread has been moved to the Gallery, since there's been a demand for more poems on that thread anyway. Any pieces of artistic inspiration - about Keira or no - can and should be placed into the Gallery.

About the poem, it reminds me of the first lines of one of Bill Shakespeare's sonnets:

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate."

(Actually, the entire poem reminds me of that one particular sonnet.) However, I suppose that now is not the summer, and rather it is the autumn, and so your feelings for Keira seem to be more predisposed toward the fall rather than the summer months. Your rhyme scheme is intriguing, though I suppose that that can't necessarily be helped anyway.

It's a decent first attempt. No one gets it right the first time. And about the punctuation, that's up to the discretion of the poet himself. If he so chooses, the punctuation dictates a certain pace and manner about the poem. If you choose not to use punctuation, that in itself is symbolic, as if it's a train of thought. Poetry does not have to have grammatical barriers, although I myself prefer to use them.
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Old 04-10-2004, 03:15 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DragonRat
This thread has been moved to the Gallery, since there's been a demand for more poems on that thread anyway. Any pieces of artistic inspiration - about Keira or no - can and should be placed into the Gallery.
Is not writing a form of artistic expression? Is not anything and everything a form of artistic expression? So I wonder what you mean. The gallery, does it not only pertain to visual art? But then the question becomes, can poetry and writing be visual arts?

I edited a few words here and there in the poem. Perhaps it reads a little more smoothly and the end isn't forced.
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I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
my images reflect in the enemies eye,
and his images reflect in mine the same time,
--Mos Def
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Old 04-10-2004, 03:38 PM   Officer #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NearokA
But then the question becomes, can poetry and writing be visual arts?
Yes, it can.
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Old 21-10-2004, 03:35 AM   #11
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lmao at the replys up there
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Old 21-10-2004, 03:18 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NearokA
Is not writing a form of artistic expression? Is not anything and everything a form of artistic expression? So I wonder what you mean. The gallery, does it not only pertain to visual art? But then the question becomes, can poetry and writing be visual arts?

I edited a few words here and there in the poem. Perhaps it reads a little more smoothly and the end isn't forced.
Ok...err...it was moved TO the Gallery. So what the fuck are you on about? It was moved TO the Gallery BECAUSE writing IS a form of artistic expression, if it's creative. The Gallery is the place for people to expose their CREATIVE sides, it's not about "art" per se.

And it does read ok...I have to say it's not too bad for a first effort, seems forced a little, can't really describe why...it's just a vibe I get...and it makes me laugh (which I doubt was intended) because it reminds me too much of the sonnet by Shakespeare that Dragonrat referred to (I forget which number it is). But it's not a bad first effort at all...
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Old 22-10-2004, 06:35 AM   Officer #13
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I see no second effort. Where's your ambition?
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Old 24-10-2004, 04:06 PM   #14
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You crazy motherfuckas...lol. Forced? Boo! Boooo!

And Dragonrat, I was unaware that others wanted me to continue writing horrible poetry. lol. But then again, how am I suppose to fix my problem if no one knows what it is?
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I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
my images reflect in the enemies eye,
and his images reflect in mine the same time,
--Mos Def
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Old 24-10-2004, 06:56 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! KKWiki Contributer Senior Registered Member #15
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More Nearoka originals says I. Come on. Chop chop.
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