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Relationships & Sexuality Advice? I-Told-You-So's? Confusion? Rabid Parents? Stick it in here and smoke it. Boys welcome too!

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Old 08-10-2004, 04:16 AM   #1
NearokA
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On Relationships

Now, relationships can be a hassle. Why? Because people get bored. But in this article I present before you today, I'll teach you how not to be boring, thus, for whatever reason, you can make that relationship between you and that special woman (or man) last a little longer before she kicks you to the side of the curb for a male supermodel.

1). Be spontaneous. This certainly doesn't mean to be a spontaneous jack ass all the time. But every so often (at least once a month), suprise your woman with something special and totally out of the blue. Be creative here and pace yourself. You don't want to run out of creative spontaneous ideas and then have the relationship fall under "boring." Examples include: Surprise dinners, events, presents, etc. You can also choose to be spontaneous depending on the environmental surroundings. For instance: You can choose to have sex in public places, preferably where people can watch you (hehe, just kidding here, unless you really want to be bold...). Or you can surprise your woman at her office with a bag full of erotically scented perfumes and oils and of course, some brand-spanking new lingerie with matching shoes. She'll appreciate the gesture and might even reward you by locking the office doors and giving you a little show with the new lingerie. Yummy.

2). Gender role reversal. This technique requires more finesse than technique number 1. Frankly, you want to put yourself in a situation where you're being desired and she is doing all the chasing. This keeps your woman up to date with all the latest sexy clothing as well as normal body maintenance (like shaving, fitness, etc. you know you ladies get lazy, don't even go there with me...).
A). Sex reversal. This is easy. It involves pressing the right kinds of buttons to drive your woman crazy. This in turn leads her to desire you and not you desiring her, and you'll never have to ask for sex again. In fact, you can start demanding kinky pleasures at your discreation once you've mastered this fine art.
B). Looks reversal. Now don't misunderstand me here, I'm not asking for you guys to dress in drag and wear makeup. But if your looking gorgeous, she's going to do whatever it takes to keep being your woman. I'm talking about soft, shiny hair, beautiful eyes, sexy lips, smooth skin, softly toned speech, good fashion, hard abs etc.
C). Mind reversal. This entails punishing your woman when she does stupid things (hehe). Everytime your woman wrongs you, get her to pay for lunch. Everytime she asks you a real personal question, or just a question you don't feel like answering but she keeps persisting, get her to buy you a round of beer and some ice cream. That's right, bust her chops. This way you get her to buy things for you without being direct. Although woman do like to be appreciated and showered with gifts from time to time, she will appreciate it more when you get her to appreciate you.

In summary, Men want to be the pimps holding the pimp cain and dressing with a neon green and hot pink jacket, aquarium shoes with little fishes, and a hat with an obscenely long feather. Women want to be the hoes (figuratively speaking here). Now, no women will ever admit this fact to you. In truth, they will work opposite to that and try and empower you, testing to see how much man you are. This is due to the fact that all women are stubborn and most have no clue what they want. So no doubt, she will try and employ various tactics to get you to get on your knees and rub her feet.

Now guys, the important lesson here is that no matter what happens, stay cool, you got things under control. If she does something totally outrageous and creative, then by god, get on your knees and rub her feet! This way, she thinks she's got the upperhand, but in reality, you're just picking and choosing which battles to fight. And in the end, you know she's no match for your cunning.

The power struggle is what keeps things interesting. I think no matter how tough or how independant a woman may claim to be, deep down, she'll always melt for a knight in shining armor. And if you ever get wimpy, if you ever get under her spell, then I assure you, she will dump you on the side of the street and go off looking for another man-whore to rape. Either that, or she will continue to use you until you expend all your resources, and then kick you to the side of the curb looking for another sugar-daddy.

Cheers and guys remember, stay in control. You're men, behave that way.
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two of a kind but one won't survive,
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Old 08-10-2004, 06:07 AM   Lifetme Service Award Officer #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NearokA
Cheers and guys remember, stay in control. You're men, behave that way.
Men eh? That last statement just turned you into a cave man
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Old 08-10-2004, 07:35 AM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #3
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all bow down and hail the relationship king, you obviously speaks from many years of experience and heterosexual activity.

Oh wait, its Nearoka.
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Old 08-10-2004, 09:35 AM   First Class Member Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #4
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I thought the forum was made to create some kind of discussion?? This really doesn't, but thanks for the advice anyway
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Old 08-10-2004, 12:19 PM   Lifetme Service Award Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Retired Administrator #5
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NearokA, I formally ban you from writing more than ten lines in a post, consider this your first warning. Further droning on will result in immediate decapitation, followed by a spit roasting from Spire, he needs the practice I'm told.
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Old 08-10-2004, 03:30 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by apoggy
NearokA, I formally ban you from writing more than ten lines in a post, consider this your first warning. Further droning on will result in immediate decapitation, followed by a spit roasting from Spire, he needs the practice I'm told.
Knowledge must prevail! I'll never stop wanking! Never! muhahaha!
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I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
my images reflect in the enemies eye,
and his images reflect in mine the same time,
--Mos Def
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Old 09-10-2004, 12:05 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Leonie
Men eh? That last statement just turned you into a cave man
-.-

Leonie, you're the only person that doesn't take me seriously.
I like that. lol.
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I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
my images reflect in the enemies eye,
and his images reflect in mine the same time,
--Mos Def
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Old 09-10-2004, 12:54 AM   Officer #8
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Originally Posted by NearokA
-.-

Leonie, you're the only person that doesn't take me seriously.
I like that. lol.
Oh believe me, she's not the only one.
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Old 09-10-2004, 04:16 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mags
Oh believe me, she's not the only one.
Apparently, people take me seriously enough to be offended. lol. sad really.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Foeni
I thought the forum was made to create some kind of discussion?? This really doesn't, but thanks for the advice anyway
I was assuming this article would be immediately locked so I wrote it that way. lol. I'm suprised it didn't, but than again, I wasn't so vulgar with this one. hehe.
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I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
my images reflect in the enemies eye,
and his images reflect in mine the same time,
--Mos Def
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