I don't know how to name this...
...so fuck the title.
I'd like your advice, KKWers. Especially the girls'.
I just got an EARFUL from my sister from meeting up with my ex yesterday. I don't get why it was such big a deal, we had tea.
Anyway, things didn't end up too good between us, but I've stopped wishing him getting run over by a train, so I assume that's good. I've taken a zen approach and realised all I've learnt with and without him. That doesn't mean I forgave him, either. I can hold a grudge longer than any Japanese spirit, until I eventually stop caring altogether.
Now, here's the thing. It's been more than half a year since we last spoke or saw each other and it was really nice catching up. I'd forgotten we used to be friends besides being a couple.
We talked comfortably about plans, people we've dated, books, movies, etc. We finished each other's sentences, rolled our eyes at the same thing, guessed what the other was saying without having to say much, all that corny stuff. We were always greatly in sync, I've gotten quite good at reading him yet he still manages to surprise me, which is great.
It was just like old times, sans the kissing.
Now, I don't believe in staying friends with exes, I think it can be harmful.
To tell you guys the truth, I'm kinda scared. I like being single and sort of decided relationships aren't for me, at least not for a while. I'm scared that if we keep on sharing, it will turn into friendship, and later into a relationship (which my sister agreed with and yelled at me for, basically).
This doesn't sound nor feel bad when put in retrospective, but we did break up for several reasons and besides there's the whole "my family hates his guts" issue.
What do you think?
Should I say "look, I'm scared we'll end up together (and crash and burn) so please, for both our sakes, get out of my life?"
Or is that just me again pushing people away?
Should a potential relationship be sacrificed in sake of a potential (and second) break up?
I can't make up my mind, I agree with all of the above..
"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense." Elizabeth Bennet
musings and ramblings, aka: my blog