Oh Yay! Newbies that make genuinely humourous posts! And Americans at that! Isn't that one of the signs of the apocalypse?
And yes, she needs scandal. Screw Winehouse and Peaches Geldof, Keira needs to be in one of those coke-snorting videos. Or something.
Or she could take after Sienna Miller and screw some really married rich guy - like you said.