Technically we do have rules against managers saying the sorts of things Ferguson did but he has a reputation for getting away with saying what he likes about officials and never being punished. Wenger often gets fined for much more subtle digs at officials (not that I condone that either).
I agree with you, criticising referees is something fans will always do, and in fact is part of the game, but that is where it should end. Players and managers both need to respect the officials more. It's no wonder they struggle to maintain order or get decisions right.
Where I disagree with you is your comparison between the NFL and Premier League. The problem of not showing officials respect is very much a unique to football. Rugby is a totally different ball game, no pun intended. Officials in Rugby are always given the proper respect due to them. In Cricket, likewise, the umpires are given respect.
My personal belief is it's a problem with the mentality of the Premier League's superstar players, especially the English ones. This is why when they get together to play for the national team they play as 11 individuals, not a team. I do like your idea about grabbing officials being punished, in fact I'd go further and punish those idiots who wave imaginary yellow cards in the air to get other players booked. They deserve to get booked themselves for it.
As for replays partly I suspect it's simply a resistance to change of any sort that makes people oppose them, and partly the way they look over at the NFL and see games "slowed" by the replays. What they fail to realise is that NFL football is a stop-start game, video replays don't create that, that's part of the game. The same replays are used in cricket and Rugby without any slow down.
I'm in favour of video replays for any "big" decision. Red cards, penalties, freekicks on the edge of the area (was it in the area or out?) and ruling whether the ball has crossed the line for goals. Of course people will point out the linesman in the Arsenal v Manchester United game spotted the ball had crossed the line, and use this as proof that video evidence isn't needed but I can show another half-dozen situations where perfectly good goals were not given.