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Old 26-09-2007, 05:33 AM   #62
dave
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: 8000 feet up in the Jemez Mountains of New Mexico
Posts: 271
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flightfreak View Post
cheating is for cowards.
First, I really love you guys. I often disagree with some of the things you value, but I appreciate that you really believe them.

You might think you know how I feel about "Cheaters" but you probably don't. You probably think there is a difference between "Cheating" before you marry and after. But I believe that difference is not as big as you might believe.

Whenever you are attempting to "pair up" it is (supposedly) as much of a commitment as we (us old people) used to make by becoming "engaged." Somehow, these days, people don't seem to value marriage as much as we did before it was possible to get abortions. However; there is, (or so my children and their friends tell me,) just as strong a commitment "without the paper." So when you talk about "Cheating" you really are talking about "a marriage ending affair."

For that, you need more information. Check out Crazy Times, Surviving Divorce by Abigail Trafford I suspect I've told you about this book before, on other threads, but perhaps not. (The link is to the US version of Amazon.com where a used copy of this book costs 50 cents. What's that in Euro's? Less than a quarter?)

This book is full of statistics and Case Studies and absolutely no Psychobabble. It tells you several things that are extremely pertinent to this discussion. One major thing that you might learn is that there is usually an imbalance in a relationship that is in trouble and that the partner who imagines that they are being "controlled" by the other has "a marriage ending affair." They use that to commit an "unforgivable act."

But. If you understand that, (and neither of you contract a fatal disease,) it is just another type of conversation. There's something I told my children that it is important (I think, being old, ugly, and probably senile...) that it is important that you know and "internalize."

Sex is no reason to get married, (Especially "great" SeX.)
AND
SeX is no reason to get a divorce...

Remember, You weren't a Virgin when you got together, and you got together anyway. Sure you feel cheated out of a couple of "good times," but usually the partner who strayed learned a couple of new tricks! AND usually learned to appreciate you better.

If not; Dump them; Now.

Why Men Cheat (two days ago)
Australia - The Daily Telegraph Anita Quigley
Tuesday, September 25, 2007 at 06:00pm


Unfortunately, the Why Women Cheat topic I was watching out on Topix.com is a couple of weeks old and I can't find it. So you'll just have to settle for this one on askmen.com
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Dave

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