She needs to visit a Cracker Barrel and eat some chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes with gravy and some fried okra, with biscuits or corn-muffins, whichever she prefers. Wash that down with some sweet iced tea and then a big hunk of Coca-Cola chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream.
Then, she can buy a vanilla scented candle and maybe a Charlie Daniels CD.
"Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham."
I'll try being nicer...if you'll try being smarter.