I asked the guy behind the counter "sprechenze Ingles?"
He said, "Yeeeeees."
I realized that it was the rough equivalent of asking him "can you count up to three?"
"Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham."
I'll try being nicer...if you'll try being smarter.