Keira Forums - View Single Post - Dates
Thread: Dates
View Single Post
Old 23-03-2006, 02:14 AM   #6
dave's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: 8000 feet up in the Jemez Mountains of New Mexico
Posts: 271
Comments from Tina...

Subject: RE: Clearly your ears must be burning...
From: "Sullivan, Tina"
To: "David Wade"

Hmm. This is the first I've seen of this. I am NOT not talking to you.
Also, you've always talked about me with or without my permission, so
why change now?

Wrote the rest of this before this line, but I've gotta go to class.

Back to the topic. Read and feel free to cut anything out if you post
this anywhere.
What do girls enjoy on their dates fun at a pub, nice restaurant etc.
Depends on the girl. I always liked music, dancing, movies, walks (on the beach, in a park, through the horticulture museum, etc.), pretty much anything that enabled you to have something to do or listen to other than JUST paying attention to whoever a first date was, since first dates always seem awkward and restaurants tend to provide too much "Hmmm, what should we talk about now" time. After becoming a little more familiar, quieter and more solitary activities are nice. Sunrises are special, but that would take a LOT of guts for a first date.
What has worked for you and what has not.
Depends on the guy. I have an easy time asking guys if they want to eat, dance, hike, or go for a drive. I have a much harder time asking if they want to go to a movie. This applies only to the early part of dating.
also how do you ask a member of the opposite sex (same in certain cases) out on a date
Upfront. Be clear. Misunderstanding whether it is a date or not does not help anyone, and it is better to be rejected right off than after investing weeks into something that you discover was a figment of your imagination. I've been known to ask someone point blank if they were involved with anyone, and if not would they like to get to know each other better - how about going to Dallas (a nightclub) to go dancing Friday night. The place and activity varied, the frankness was critical. In case this gets passed on to anyone who doesn't know me, I am female, dated a lot in the 70s -80s (both by invitation and by my own initiative) and have pretty much ceased doing so, though it does still come up on occasion. I am not against it, but have had different priorities for many years - have recently accomplished some things to a point where I may rethink "not dating".
Ryan said: you have to have a date and time already picked out. don't say "can i take you out sometime?". thats no good. say something like "I'd like for you to join me at <place> is <time> on <date>?"
-----I ABSOLUTELY agree!
Dave said: Define your terms. First, what do you consider a "date". I had a female friend that I'd gone out to places with many times. And later, during a talk, she told me that we'd never been on a "date". Had we been on a "date" it would have ended with us sleeping together. I learned that for a certain proportion of the female species, for it to be a "date" it must end in bed.
---- I'm pretty sure this is not something I ever said, since I have never believed that sex and romance necessarily coincide. I think a date can be any activity, but requires a certain frame of mind. Perhaps an interest in potential romance. If your heart's not in it, you need to be up front and say so to avoid confusion. I've sometimes had to ask in what context an invitation was extended. In fact I am currently hanging out with someone whom I need to check on periodically, because he has a reputation for confusing friendship with dating, and I KNOW I do not want to date him - though it seems kind of mean to say so too frequently.
Dave said: So if you want to go out with that particular lady, you can, and she is a fantastic dancer and conversationalist; so you will have a great time, but it will not be a "date".'
---- This raised my concern that he might be talking about me. I am quite capable of dancing and conversing with someone whom I have absolutely no romantic interest in and having a good time, and I think they generally do too. I have even spent evenings like this with gay friends, occasionally REALLY doing it up in evening gown and tux with champagne and roses as a means of celebrating and making a special time - but you don't play huggy-bod, kissy-face, and it doesn't go any further. This can be fun if both parties understand the position, but can be painful if either has hopes of something else. I've been on both ends of that pain.
Dave said: All of those things come long before "The Date". (And what I said was that I thought we had dated, and she told me we had not. By her definition, a date ended in bed. Woman's Perogative.) I have no idea what a date is nowadays. Back when I was 17, it was 1960. And you can believe that I have never dated "slutty girls". I don't know any. I've known a girl who had a lot of lovers; but she was not slutty.
---- I agree. Slutty is sleeping with many people in a brief time period, not necessarily chosing to do so with one person after little knowledge. I know a couple who got married at the end of a blind date, having crossed to Canada to do so - they are still happily married more than 50 years later. Also, people from our generation slept with a lot of people over a period of many years - that doesn't make us sluts, just experienced.
Dave said: A "Date" is something special. Not just "taking a girl out for coffee and paying for her coffee..." If you want to get credit for a "Date", it's going to cost more than $3.25 at Starbucks; and it's going to take more than an hour.
---- I DISAGREE with this. A date can be a walk in the rain if the interest is there.
Dave said: You've heard the expression "cheap date"? Well, coffee house posturing doesn't cut it. Ask a woman whether she would dress up to go to a coffee house. If she wouldn't dress special, it isn't a date unless you have to board a 747 to get there. Going clamming in New England would qualify, if you were from Texas; but not if you lived on Cape Cod.
---- again, I DISAGREE, and kind of object to the implication that all women are that materialistic. The most romantic time I can remember with you (even though we were NOT dating) was one morning when you showed up at my house with hot chocolate and invited me to drive out the main hill road to watch the sunrise. That's one of my all-time-favorite memories, and if anything had been going to work at that time, that would have. I admit I had to get dressed, but not dressed up.

>From: David Wade [mailto:djw]
>Sent: Wednesday, March 22, 2006 7:00 AM
>To: Sullivan, Tina
>out of your shell by explaining to these kids what I'm talking
>about. Assuming you still feel the same way about this.

"Le uova non devono ballare con le pietre."
"Eggs have no business dancing with stones" from the movie "Shoot 'Em Up"
dave is offline   Reply With Quote