Do Main Man
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Houston Texas
Oh sorry, didn't meant it that way at all. Ok will post, and ask based on the entirety.
I freaked out, lost my mind, thought my marriage was over... because it had been hammered into me from childhood, movies, books, media, and society, that you can only love one person THAT way at a time. Obviously I thought that if she was so totally head over heels in love with another woman, that I was dogfood, and since the love was new, ALL of her focus & time was spent in that direction and I was left out in the cold.
In a typical guy way, I thought one of the many reasons was me being fat and her looking gorgeous, as well as a lot of neglect on our relationship over the past few years, plus the cancer, etc. So I worked my butt off and spent my time doting on her, lost 60 pounds, yet did not make a dent in "their" relationship with each other. I could never ask her to STOP loving someone, it doesn't work that way, ultimatums ARE the end to any relationship, but I could not leave her either, to me she IS my soulmate... and she persistently reminded me she still loved me. My Mother passed away just a couple of months after finding this out, and it drove me to the bloody edge. I didn't know what to do, and I felt I was in a catch-22. LOTS of nasty fights, talking, more fights, etc.. went on.
Wendy finally pointed out to me the reason why she fell in love with Nicky was that "She's YOU, only female, how could I not fall for her? If you would only chat with her too, you would find out why yourself." I railed, stormed, we fought more, and finally one day in frustration I jumped on chat and spoke to the "Enemy". We hit it off in the most amazing way to our surprise, and a few months later found we were head over heels for each other just as much as Wendy and I, and her and Wendy.
So what to do at THIS point? Hell, I've been married before, consider myself a pretty normal, run-of-the-mill guy, caught up in a situation beyond my imagination. I could not stand NOT knowing what was going to happen or how this would all work out, so we bought tickets, took vacation, and flew to see her. Total bliss, zero jealousy, and we became determined to get her here WITH us, so we could spend the rest of our lives together.
Wendy and I divorced (legally, in spirit we are still married as far as we are concerned), and I flew back again and proposed to our girl. Hired a lawyer, got a K-1 visa rolling, and now my (our) new wife has been living with us since September. All of the relatives and family knows, and finds it odd, but can live with it... with a couple of exceptions for the hardcore southern baptist redneck relatives who would probably hunt us down and shoot the unholy ones.
I had read the "Cheating" thread and wanted to get some opinions on how others might have reacted differently. I read an article by a lesbian columnist on MSN.com who told a story about how she had a similar situation, still loved her husband dearly, but left him to be with her new lady love, and how she wished things could have been different. I thought to myself "You know, if you thought outside the box and the idea of being able to be with ONLY one person at a time, you might have been able to have both of the people you love, instead of giving up one for the other". It was a total change of mind-think for me to make the realization that you CAN love more than one person, and it CAN work. But during the worst of it, I couldn't even grasp the concept, it just wasn't right with the way I was taught and had been spoon-fed over the years.
I just was wanting to see what and how people would think/react, caught in a similar situation.