Keira Forums - View Single Post - Room/Housemate Funnies
View Single Post
Old 01-09-2005, 03:06 PM   Attended an OMGWTFKKWBBQ! Moderator #13
llama llama duck
acliff's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: London
Posts: 1,818
That Fat Matt, on our last day as housemates, did the unthinkable.

We were packing everything up in order to move into the new house the following day. Hoovering, tidying etc. Our future housemate Hannah was lovely enough to help us with the cleaning. Because matt is fat and useless and takes up lots of space which could be used for stacking boxes, we assigned him one job.
*sets the scene* - Matt was alone in the house for a month of so, because he hates his parents (because I assume his parents can't stand him, with just cause) and decides to stay in Southampton, the bumhole of Britain. Now he was the only person in the house, and for the life of me I can't understand, he didn't clean one bit. His diet is, as you would expect, shocking. His cooking is even worse. And he smells terrible. Which makes the next bit even more nasty.
He had somehow managed to shit all over the toilet seat and didn't have either the foresight, self awareness, house training, to actually clean it up till we arrived. And the toilet stank as if it had been filled with sewage for the previous 5 weeks.

So the one job that we gave him was to clean that shit up, because understandably we wouldn't clean up his shit. Which he proceeds to ignore until 5 minutes before we leave. I visit to see its status, and come out choking. I shout at him for a while until he goes in there to 'clean'.

Midday the next day, I get a furious call from the landlord, who (although he's a right cunt and has currently stolen 33% of our money) says that the house is in a state. I object, saying we spent ages cleaning, and the landlord says the toilet is full of shit. Which I can't object to because it was like that, and I didn't check after Matt was done. It transpires that all he did was wiped the top, (yes it was on the top) wadded up all the toilet paper, dumped it in the bowl, put the toilet roll cardboard tube in, and then put limescale remover in, thinking something would happen. From the sounds of it, he didn't even flush the fucking thing (although it probably would have flooded).

And from there our tenant - landlord feud started.
All because Matt is too fat to aim properly into a toilet seat.
Leave a message...
acliff is offline   Reply With Quote