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Old 13-07-2004, 03:13 AM   Senior Registered Member #1
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Red face My poem(s)


To you, I am invisible
To me, you are impossible
I can't describe how much it hurts
When you just walk on by
I can't believe how easily
That tears brought to my eyes
Seem to ache and burn,
They seethe with pain
When there's nothing else to say.
With feelings that go unreturned
I'm withering away.
Though I admit how much it hurts
You won't look twice at me
Although it's always getting worse
You're just a fantasy.
It's terrible how desperately
I'm lead by my own fear
I've cried for you so many times
But you're worth every tear.
As I remain invisible,
You'll forever be impossible.
Grah. One of the problems with this poem is that it's more narrative than emotional. It's more like a story than a poem. Is there any other constructive criticism, other than what I mentioned? I'd like to work on it.
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