Yes, for those who hadn’t gathered from the far from ingenious choice of pseudonym this is The Hazzle. Don’t worry, I haven’t “returned” to throw abuse around or any such rather pathetic stab at “retribution”. To be blunt, the events that lead to my official ban (as well as that of Donnie Dorko, another of my pen-names) are very much in the past as far as I’m concerned, I owe no one or nothing any sort of “revenge”, and I’d be a rather petty small man if I felt the desire to seek any such “reprisal”.
I come not as an Angel of Vengeance but rather I come in a spirit of contrition. I believe I owe many of you personally an apology, and largely I’ve made those, but perhaps more importantly I owe the community as a whole one. I could list all the individuals I’ve wronged but I’m bound to miss someone (I’m sure it’s more people than I can even remember!) and cause even more offence so rather than that, I shall choose to apologise to all of you, as a community. I don’t particularly expect any sort of consequence to follow from this, in case anyone thinks this is a dismal attempt on my part to weasel my way back into the good books of the powers that be. I’m surprised, to be honest, that the staff took my shit for as long as they did, I suppose I owe friendship for that, but everyone has a limit and I suppose my nine lives are up. I’m honestly not feeling sorry for myself, all good things come to an end, and I suppose this is mine.
Quite frankly I think not only was I growing weary and bored of this place, more importantly I think this place was growing equally weary and bored of me. I don’t think I ever did contribute that much to the community, but others did, and apparently I had some respect around these parts, but I know for a fact that of late I’ve contributed nothing at all in a positive way (well, with the minor exception of the Either Or Thread which I still feel was a work of genius…Melvin’s Christmas Trees one could’ve been quite good too, had I come up with the idea a bit sooner) and I certainly have lost what little respect people had for me. I’m not entirely sure that if I was asked back I’d come back, I think my presence more than passed its sell by date so I doubt I’d want to return. Which is a good thing seeing as I probably wouldn’t be invited back even if Hell froze over!
I’d like to say thank you as well as sorry though. I had a great time over the last year and a half. I’ve got a lot of memories to show for it, some good, some bad, but overall it was a great experience. I had some fun, made some friends, lost some friends, but I leave here with more than I came with, and I certainly leave feeling better off for having been here. I’m sure the feeling isn’t so mutual for the community. I’m sorry if that comes off as self-pitying, this really isn’t an exercise in self-pity, or sucking up, or whatever else anyone thinks. I’m motivated by a desire to “leave” on much less acrimonious terms than those that I’ve “left” on previously. Like I said, I leave with more than I came with, a lot more, and in fact I leave with something I could never thank you enough for.
Incidentally Melvin was never a secret. I was bored over Christmas, had the idea of the Christmas Trees thread, posted it and then decided to stay and keep myself occupied. I planned to “out” him the day after he got banned, funnily enough, because I’d found other things to keep me occupied, hence the daily post count coming down from about 15 to about 7 by the end of the week. I was also getting to be more and more unsure of my position, was I a newbie or was I me, a core member (well, formerly)? Two people asked me if it was in fact me. I told them both that it was, so it genuinely was no secret, had anyone else asked, I’d have told them. Of course I didn’t particularly wish to telegraph too soon that it wasn’t a newbie, but if I really wanted to hide I’d know better than to post as much as I did, but that would’ve defeated the point (filling my time up). I know all about moderators doing IP checks, as I’ve done some myself, back in the day, so I know better than to think I’d “get away” with it for too long, I just planned on lasting enough time to post the Christmas Trees thread, anything else was a bonus.
I’d like to say I certainly never created Melvin to resurrect old arguments or rip open old wounds. I actually don’t believe he got into a single fight, which proved to me I could exist here without losing my temper, and also proved to me I’m slowly gaining control of my temper, which can never be a bad thing. We all have a temper and we all say things we regret when we’re angry. I think, without meaning to sound arrogant, it’s a sign of growth to acknowledge a fault and try and change it, and most importantly, to change for yourself, not others. That’s not to say I’m without blame, nor that I think that saying I’m “on the mend” will change the mind of those in power (yeah, I’m slightly paranoid that this’ll be taken the wrong way as a kissing up exercise. I’m actually aware that such would be futile and have more self-respect than to do that. I also respect your collective intelligence enough to not try and pull the wool over anyone’s eyes).
What else to say, what else to say? Oh, of course I hope this is taken in the spirit in which it is intended, and not deleted, although I’m fully expecting another ban, banning this account. It’ll be my 7th ban and what with that being “my” number that works out as quite an appropriate way to end things I feel (I’m odd about numbers and anniversaries). I have said all I need to, and I don’t really see any point in coming back again and ban-evading (which was never REALLY my style, had I not felt the Christmas Trees thread to be potentially fun for the community spirit I wouldn’t have “come back”. I actually asked someone else to post that thread but they felt unable to do so). This is closure, I suppose.
I also don’t expect this to be any more exempt from KKW roasting than any other post so feel free to go to town in the replies. I’ll look forward to a few laughs if nothing else! I also hope if anything else comes to mind later that I’ll be afforded the opportunity to forward an edit with the additional text in it to one of the administrators and hopefully they’d be so kind as to, so long as the additions are reasonable, make the edit?
Ahh well, I think I’ve said it all, if not, and if I don’t get the chance to add further to this, so be it.
I think there’s nothing left to say but…Goodbye…and I genuinely mean this…thanks for all the memories!
[GOD this is a HUGE post, which isn’t exactly new for me! Oh yes, ban me please? Thanks! Oh yes, I hope it was ok to use this part of the forums for this, I couldn't think of anywhere better]