In all my years of writing poetry and pining over girls, it seems to me that I should have some understanding about the concept known as 'love'. Alas, I do not. For me, it is more infatuation and lust than anything else. Yet, that does not stop people of my age or younger to confess their undying love for another, to profess something more than what I believe to be mere childhood crushes. Perhaps I've grown a bit jaded, and yes, years ago, I would have spouted out the word 'love' like a geyser. (I assume that we talk more about what C.S. Lewis described as 'Eros', as compared to the other three loves.)
Every season I seem to have a crush, and sometimes I have written poems (sometimes expositions). Lately, I do not use the word 'love' to describe how I feel for them. Maybe I believe I am not old enough. Yet, that is only half-truth. I believe that those who are young of age, yet understand what it means to love, can truly be in love. Most children do not have a clear understanding of Eros: they love their parents; they love their classmates; they love their teachers, etc. It is when one can look at another and know something between the two of them, that only they two know, and can never express through sleight of speech.
I speak with the romanticized speech of a poet of countless love poems. Yet, it is not love I feel when I speak about celebrities or this girl or that. It is a longing, to find out if love can exist. It is a wish and hope, that love may one day bloom between me and another. To end this post, I'll provide an excerpt from my journal:
I will miss her – everything about her. In time, I may learn more about her, and I may learn to dislike things that she does, or things that she is. But, to look upon that night and wonder where I was, I was somewhere that I wanted to be. On two occasions, I saw lights reflecting upon bodies of water, and imagining that somehow, she could be the one to see them with me. The reflections floated along the surface, like fearsome silver daggers, swaying perpendicular to the waves; they neither struggled, nor did they dictate the pace. They simply were there, and they never disappeared.
"I like refried beans. That's why I want to try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good, and we're just wasting time." - Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)
"Football is about if you want to run and fight for each other, if you really want to play that killer ball." - Robin van Persie, Arsenal FC