Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: seattle, washington
Happiness. This single word encapsulates what I think 99% of the world population is trying to attain. Happiness includes wealth beyond measure. Happiness includes having children and a loving, supporting family. Happiness includes security in your own health and the well-being of all those whom you love. When I was younger and more naïve, I would agree that happiness is what we should all be trying to achieve. But let’s take Micheal Jackson as an example. Micheal Jackson was called the King of Pop. He had it all. He had so much money it would be impossible for him to spend it all in his lifetime. He had two kids and was happily married to Lisa Marie Presley, Elvis Presley’s daughter. He had family, Janet Jackson his sister and his brothers who formed the Jackson 5 back in the 1960s and 1970s. I remember when I was five, I used to play his Thiller record over and over again (back when people still had record players). There was something about his old hits that were electrifying. But something happened to him. Something in his mind cracked.
Micheal Jackson bleached his skin white and he had several nose operations. If you ask me, he looks a little scary and creepy. He’s fondling little kids and what not, I mean, I’m not saying those things are true, but you have to agree with me here, he shouldn’t have even allowed himself to be in that kind of situation in the first place. I wonder, a man who had it all, what went wrong? It seems to me, fame and fortune isn’t all what it’s cracked up to be. To any who believes himself to be a true intellectual, I don’t think finding happiness is what the purpose of our lives are. I think every man needs happiness in some form to stay sane, but I don’t think it’s the ultimate aim.
These three things about happiness: family, fortune, and security; I would give it all up in a heartbeat Keira. I would trade it all if I could just get one thing, freedom. You see, I think a man trying to find ultimate happiness will never be satisfied. Even if one could attain this euphoria, the desire will never be satiated, because then you will say to yourself, is that it? Is this all life has to offer? Is it really that easy? And this thirst for something more in life would drive a man to insanity. I’ve only tasted freedom for mere seconds as a child. And I haven’t found it since. I read books, Keira, many books. Anything I can get my hands on that will tell me what to do. But these books, they don’t give me any answers, they just give me more questions.
And I tried looking to logic, Keira. Perhaps freedom can be found in numbers. But most equations and formulas are bounded and finite, except for irrational numbers and functions, but those things can be summed in one general expression, infinity. Let’s take some simple geometry. I mean, a square has finite dimensions. But a circle or a sphere, they are infinitely smooth. Why? Because of that never-ending thing they call pie, 3.141592654…etc. However, that doesn’t give me any answers, that just tells me that there is something out there which behaves unbounded, theoretically speaking of course.
So I drink. You see, I don’t have those three things of happiness. I have family, but they are 2000 miles away, and I only see them twice a year. I don’t have security, I mean, if I had that, I would have peace of mind as well. I don’t have peace of mind, Keira. And I certainly don’t have money. I’m a broke-ass college student. I have to be very creative in the things I do. I told you a man goes insane without some happiness. Since I don’t have a cup overflowing with happiness, I have to substitute some of those things for whiskey, beer, and sake. Alcohol helps to keep my mind clear of these things. That way, I just pump up the music and stare into space until I pass out and go to bed. I think that’s better than hitting my head against the wall, utterly frustrated.
So I ask of you Keira, will you join me in my quest to find the purpose of life? I can’t do it alone baby. I could try, but I think I would just end up a sad, lonely alcoholic just like all the others who have tried. Perhaps, Keira, in our love that we may feel for each other, we find freedom and we find happiness. And not that kind of crush love or that lust love. That true love that few people find. And maybe we don’t have true love after all, who knows right? But I can’t deny this feeling, this connection I have towards you. And I’m willing to give us a shot if you are.
After all, Keira, you can’t truly know something unless you’ve experienced it. I want to experience you, honey. And I hope you share the same curiosity I do.
And if you don’t feel the same way, that’s okay too. I may be a little heartbroken, but it’s nothing a little whiskey never solved. I’m sure there are other fish in the sea. But I’ll always remember you as the woman I feel in love with, but never talked to. I wish you much happiness in this world and I hope you find as much happiness as you can. And if you ever find yourself at the top, but still craving something more than just fame and fortune, then knock on my door. And together we'll sit and ponder about just why the hell we’re on this planet anyway. Is there a reason we were given consciousness? And after we get the shit kicked out of us by life, I’ll share a bottle of some fine whiskey with you. We both can drunk off our asses and just for one night, we can forget about the pains of life. Tomorrow is another day anyway.
So anyway, if Keira came to your doorstep and asked you, "what is the purpose of life?" WHat would you say to her?
I against I,
flesh of my flesh,
and mind of my mind,
two of a kind but one won't survive,
my images reflect in the enemies eye,
and his images reflect in mine the same time,