I must lay claim to the most ridiculous tan lines in history. I called it my Neapoli-tan. When I was playing football, we usually practiced in pads, which meant that my calves and and arms stayed a nice brown color. When we practiced in shorts, my chest and thighs would get a nice sunburnt red and then, when I showered, my creamy white ass remained its vanilla color. I literally looked like a giant Neapolitan ice cream bar.
"Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham."
I'll try being nicer...if you'll try being smarter.