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-   -   I don't know how to name this... (http://www.keiraknightley.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4337)

Porcelain_Doll 17-04-2009 10:25 PM

I don't know how to name this...
 
...so fuck the title.

I'd like your advice, KKWers. Especially the girls'.

I just got an EARFUL from my sister from meeting up with my ex yesterday. I don't get why it was such big a deal, we had tea.
Anyway, things didn't end up too good between us, but I've stopped wishing him getting run over by a train, so I assume that's good. I've taken a zen approach and realised all I've learnt with and without him. That doesn't mean I forgave him, either. I can hold a grudge longer than any Japanese spirit, until I eventually stop caring altogether.

Now, here's the thing. It's been more than half a year since we last spoke or saw each other and it was really nice catching up. I'd forgotten we used to be friends besides being a couple.
We talked comfortably about plans, people we've dated, books, movies, etc. We finished each other's sentences, rolled our eyes at the same thing, guessed what the other was saying without having to say much, all that corny stuff. We were always greatly in sync, I've gotten quite good at reading him yet he still manages to surprise me, which is great.
It was just like old times, sans the kissing.

Now, I don't believe in staying friends with exes, I think it can be harmful.

To tell you guys the truth, I'm kinda scared. I like being single and sort of decided relationships aren't for me, at least not for a while. I'm scared that if we keep on sharing, it will turn into friendship, and later into a relationship (which my sister agreed with and yelled at me for, basically).
This doesn't sound nor feel bad when put in retrospective, but we did break up for several reasons and besides there's the whole "my family hates his guts" issue.

What do you think?
Should I say "look, I'm scared we'll end up together (and crash and burn) so please, for both our sakes, get out of my life?"
Or is that just me again pushing people away?
Should a potential relationship be sacrificed in sake of a potential (and second) break up?

I can't make up my mind, I agree with all of the above..

eelliiinn 19-04-2009 08:58 PM

I kind of get how you're feeling, I've got a similar problem, except this guy isn't my ex, the problem for me is his age, he's... a few years older. I've realised that I can't get what I want and be smart at the same time, so I'm trying to be somewhere in between, but I know that there will come a day when I have to explain that we cant get that serious, and that day is gonna have to come soon.

And just like you I decided that I like being single, relationships isn't for me, I like being free...

And now about advices, I suck at giving them, so they will probably not help you much. All I can say is you gotta decide if you're gonna go with your feelings or be smart, cause, unfortunately, it seems like you can't be both...

Porcelain_Doll 19-04-2009 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eelliiinn (Post 91274)
All I can say is you gotta decide if you're gonna go with your feelings or be smart, cause, unfortunately, it seems like you can't be both...

That is in fact excellent advice...I really hadn't seen it that way. I kind of divide things into "logical and rational" and "driven by brain chemicals" :P

But this is a good way to see it...I'll have to do some more pondering. Thankyou :)

Good luck on your older-guy issue (although from my point of view older is better. Most guys my age are immature, selfish, silly mediocre things or just plain gross).
I do understand how it can be an issue, I felt totally uncomfortable dating (and avoided it) 23 year-olds when I was 16 or 17, even if we were a great match intelectually and maturity-wise.

Surprize 21-04-2009 09:55 AM

I think you'd better end any relationships with this guy, Bettina, bacause it troubles you, it makes you feel uneasy and nervous. It won't be better.

PS I love your English, it's brilliant.

dave 21-04-2009 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Surprize (Post 91282)
I think you'd better end any relationships with this guy, Bettina, bacause it troubles you, it makes you feel uneasy and nervous. It won't be better.

I agree with Surprize. The coincidence of having the same thought when engaged in a conversation isn't enough to base a relationship on. There's a reason you broke up the first time. That's still valid.

Tell me, would you think he is as interesting if you had that same conversation while you were out on a date with someone else? You were sitting at a table in a nice restaurant with your latest Boi-Toi and he walked up with his date and you commenced to have the same conversation... If not, then you were having more than a conversation. The fact that you were susceptible to his flirtations should be a warning to you to stay away without a male escort.

And one more tiny comment. A 16 year old girl out with a 23 year old boy is being abused. Period. End of discussion. (The one exception is if he is paying Modeling Fees for her company. That would be about a thousand dollars an hour, And there were two Uncles carrying baseball bats along as chaperones...)

luis 21-04-2009 06:45 PM

absalutly true surprize
i swear to god (if he exsist) that was a good advice
i hope you do what surprize said
you really need it!!!!

Porcelain_Doll 22-04-2009 03:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dave (Post 91284)
I agree with Surprize. The coincidence of having the same thought when engaged in a conversation isn't enough to base a relationship on. There's a reason you broke up the first time. That's still valid.

Tell me, would you think he is as interesting if you had that same conversation while you were out on a date with someone else? You were sitting at a table in a nice restaurant with your latest Boi-Toi and he walked up with his date and you commenced to have the same conversation... If not, then you were having more than a conversation. The fact that you were susceptible to his flirtations should be a warning to you to stay away without a male escort.

And one more tiny comment. A 16 year old girl out with a 23 year old boy is being abused. Period. End of discussion. (The one exception is if he is paying Modeling Fees for her company. That would be about a thousand dollars an hour, And there were two Uncles carrying baseball bats along as chaperones...)

Heh, I never went out with a 23 year old while I was sixteen. It was just an example.

I know fully well nothing good can come out of this. In fact, I'm writing him this as I type. I know him well enough, and even though we shared great times and he was absolutely wonderful, I'm very clear on the subject of his faults.

He simply means too much to me, in a very annoying way. I hate it so, but I can't help it.
My mind can't keep off him for too long, we get along too well even after all this time. But I have no plans on getting back with him.

A part of me doesn't want to steer clear of our great conversations. Another is screaming "get away!" but I can't figure how.
That is the dilemma: I seemingly must get away, but don't want to, and don't know how.

dave 22-04-2009 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porcelain_Doll (Post 91287)
Heh, I never went out with a 23 year old while I was sixteen. It was just an example.

Good. Sorry I worried, I should have known better. One more question, How's the health?

Porcelain_Doll 22-04-2009 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dave (Post 91288)
Good. Sorry I worried, I should have known better. One more question, How's the health?

crappy. Mi migraines refuse to go away. First thing I said when I woke up was "stop playing that damn piano" to my little brother :P

No, I'm not such a horrible person, just try to stand Mozart's Turkish
March (and my house has excellent acoustic...) while your head threatens to split in two.

but thanks for asking :)

Mandy 21-05-2009 12:35 AM

Never go backwards....always forwards.

barrington 28-05-2009 08:58 AM

I wish I'd listened to that advice on about three occasions.

luis 28-05-2009 01:52 PM

haha yeah
if i had a nikkel for every time that happend


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