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Kelsey 14-07-2004 10:04 PM

Cheating
 
I was listening to "Scotty Doesn't Know", and although it's one of the funniest songs I've ever heard, I think it's sad and so I was thinking about it. In Newsweek last week, the cover article was about how more and more women are having affairs, and today on AOL is a very similar article. I would like to know your opinions on those who cheat on the person they are with, whether you think it's okay under certain circumstances, do you cheat, etc. Stuff like that. We needed a new thread for this board.

Pygmalion 14-07-2004 10:59 PM

Well I cheated on my current partner and still regret it.

Mandy 14-07-2004 11:08 PM

I'm TOTALLY against cheating on someone, I think it's so disrespectful. One guy a few months ago that I was really interested in cheated on his girlfriend with me, but I didn't know it. We'd hung out a few times, and we were really attracted to each other then...some stuff happened...and afterwards, he said, "My girlfriend would kill me if she found out I cheated on her." Yeah, I left after that, and never talked to him again. It still makes me feel gross when I think about it.

Pinkfairy 15-07-2004 12:11 AM

My boyfriend recently cheated on me. He says he was drunk and he's sorry. I am sure he is because the other girl is really ugly. So I wanted to know why guys would do that. I, too, would like to know why people would cheat on their girlfriends/boyfriends. I really can't think of a reason, but I often ask myself why. I don't know if I should get back with him, cause he seems really sorry, but he might do ot again.

Hazzle 15-07-2004 01:02 AM

Ok...well...we all know lust is a natural human response, so I don't think anyone should be condemned for having lust towards someone other than their partner. But I do believe in the following:

1) Looking is one thing, as is flirting, but cheating is wrong per se, as it's disrespectful and hurtful. It's just plain wrong. No ifs, no buts, if you love someone, you don't cheat.

2) If you do fancy someone else and see no future for your current relationship, have the decency to break it off first.

3) If you haven't had the decency to do so, or had a moment of weakness where you gave into temptation (and as humans, we're all prone to mistakes so let's not be too harsh here...) at least have the decency to THEN be honest about it with your partner.

4) Lying about it does not make it hurt any less, as eventually the truth will out and having a partner hate you is far better for THEM than having them become so distrustful because of the lies that their future relationships are ruined. Sod what's easy for you for a change, do the right thing by your partner, especially if you claim to love them.

5) For me it's only morally bad for the person who has the partner, not the other party...they are, in my view, under no moral obligation to not go with a person who has a partner...it's the one with the commitment who is under an obligation to do the right thing. Perhaps it's a little selfish and disrespectful to the person's partner, but sod it, it's a dog-eat-dog world and we all have to be a little selfish when it comes to third parties who we don't really give a rat's arse about.

(This is sort of a rushed post so if I think of anything else, I'll edit it)

Pinkfairy 15-07-2004 03:03 AM

You're right Haz. My ex boyfriend broke #1,2, and 3. The truth did come out, but he still won't explain exactly what happened because he claims he was drunk. I don't know what to believe anymore. I know that when I get drunk, I don't remember a thing the next day (which is why I don't drink that much now) but I do know that I never cheated on him so it means that however drunk a person is, you still have a vague idea of what you're doing. And the third party really isn't to blame, but knowing how much it hurts someone I know I'd never get involve with someone with a partner.

Pygmalion 15-07-2004 03:57 AM

I've got with people other than my gf, but I've only cheated on her once-if that makes sense lol. We're in sort of an open relationship.
She doesn't mind if when I'm drunk I get with other people so long as I tell her because she knows I don't love THEM. I don't do it anymore though, out of respect to her and because I don't have any inclination to anymore.
But the last time it was with her best friend and I feel like the most heinous horrible perosn for doing it. She was REALLY flirting with me and I know thats not an excuse. It was ONE kiss and I feel terrible just thinking about it...

Spire 15-07-2004 04:26 AM

I haven't had a real chance to cheat.

How fucking sad is that.

Jacoby 15-07-2004 06:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spire
I haven't had a real chance to cheat.

How fucking sad is that.

Almost as sad as me. But, I agree with Hazzle on this subject. We've dicussed it before. Haz got it right.

DragonRat 15-07-2004 07:32 AM

I don't believe it's sad that you never got a chance to cheat. Besides, what would happen IF you had the chance? Would you go ahead and do it? What propels people to cheat on their current relationship exactly? It's for those who have never been in a relationship, simply to wonder. And it's rather interesting to notice how many times, cheating can involve alcohol.

I, for one, have never been in a relationship, though most of my friends would admit one of two things: 1) I'm in serious need of a girlfriend; or 2) I would be absolutely loyal to a girlfriend, if I ever had one. And that is probably true. To me, a relationship is binding, unless it is broken up by one of the parties, in a discussion. It's about deciding for oneself what is most appropriate for our society - honesty and loyalty to another, or betrayal and injustice. (Even now, part of my heart belongs to another across the pond - albeit with a possibly false hope - and I cannot bring myself to let go of it. In a way, at this period in my life, I could never consider anyone else, and any relationship elsewhere I could never give my entire attention. Maybe that's just me.) I could never live with myself, if I cheated on someone; it simply isn't right.

No matter how horny you are, or how attractive the third party is, it is, however, all up to the person to act upon their thoughts.

acliff 15-07-2004 08:54 AM

A scary thought:

On a fairly recent study into children with bone marrow cancer, for bone marrow transplants they need DNA matches.
They took DNA samples from their fathers as it should have been a match.
Out of 100 children it was found that 31 of the children did not share the DNA of their fathers. Not only was this terrible for the children who needed a different donor for bone marrow, this suggests that approx a 1/3 of the wives cheated on their husbands and raised the ensuing child.

When I read this in a scientific journal, I was mortified to say the least.

alby 15-07-2004 09:56 AM

My thoughts on cheating: Yeah, don't do it. You should just end your relationship since you hate it so much.

barrington 15-07-2004 01:32 PM

I've never cheated and never been cheated upon.
I like to think that's good karma in action. :D

Don't do it kids.

ryan 15-07-2004 04:15 PM

id break up with the person if i was tempted to cheat on them.
i'd like to think i'd never cheat on anyone, but i shouldn't say never. things always change.

Kelsey 15-07-2004 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by acliff
A scary thought:

On a fairly recent study into children with bone marrow cancer, for bone marrow transplants they need DNA matches.
They took DNA samples from their fathers as it should have been a match.
Out of 100 children it was found that 31 of the children did not share the DNA of their fathers. Not only was this terrible for the children who needed a different donor for bone marrow, this suggests that approx a 1/3 of the wives cheated on their husbands and raised the ensuing child.

When I read this in a scientific journal, I was mortified to say the least.

That is so horrible and sad. First off, I don't think of myself as the cheating type anyways, but I definitely wouldn't be having an affair when my husband and I, or my boyfriend and I, were trying to have a baby. And if I *was* (for some evil reason) having an affair and did end up pregnant, I would like to think that I would be completely honest about the situation with both parties and fix it ASAP. In the situation that Cliff brought up, that must be absolutely heartbreaking for the guys who are discovering their DNA doesn't match who they think are their own children's. They're already possibly losing their child, then to find out the kid might not even be theirs. That's sad.

Hazzle 16-07-2004 02:02 AM

Ok...several points.

First is merely technical. A few double posts on here...try and avoid that if you can, eh?

Second is in relation to DR's comments. Totally agree mate...you know my views on this and other stuff...and I certainly agree with point 1) ;) And the love across the pond thing...

Thirdly...good for you Bazzle but sadly it doesn't always work that way.

Fourthly...ryan's right, I agree...rather break it off than cheat.

Now...to focus more on Princess' comments as they were more direct.

Yes, cheating online is cheating...I caught my dad cheating on my mum online, and I sure as hell think of him as cheating on her...cheating isn't about the sex so much as the sharing of intimacy, however it's shared...even if it's a chat about really close intimate feelings.

On the point of honesty, I didn't think it's selfless, just the better option. Because eventually the truth will always come out, and I think hearing the ENTIRE neighbourhood talking about it is bound to hurt the person more? Especially if they join IN the gossip before knowing who it is that's being talked about. Total honesty will at least allow the other partner to move on, and I would guess the distrust would be less than if the spouse has been strung along for say 3 or 4 years...I mean surely you'd feel like a fool and begin to blame yourself for not seeing it? I dunno, never been through it, but I've always felt honesty full stop to be a good trait...I'm honest 99% of the time...of course the odd white lie takes up that 1% as it's a sad reality of life we all have to lie to get by, like why you were late for a job interview (it's never because you overslept, but because the trains cocked up).

Sorry, but yeah, what you did with that guy...that's cheating in my book. It's not my place to judge you, but just saying if I was your spouse I'd think it cheating. Sure it hurt him but undoubtably he could have found out another way and it might've been even more hurtful. True, if you can honestly say there was NO way anyone else you know could've seen you two together, or overheard the conversation or anything like that, then yeah, perhaps you might be able to say lying was better, but I'm not entirely sure even then. For me honesty is a cornerstone of any relationship, as is trust, and respect. Sadly you broke the last one (there really wasn't mutual respect in cheating), and you broke the bond of trust (hence the hurt caused to him), but at least you CAN say you were honest...without that your relationship would've lost all three key components, and for me that's a dead relationship.

Ahh...you think my views are the result of regrets? No...I've never had a relationship of any kind...so I suppose it's easy for me to say "I'd never cheat"...but I honestly believe I've waited so long for a relationship that once I found it, I'd never want to waste it by cheating. I'd rather break the relationship off and know I handled myself with honour and treated my partner with respect and dignity. Of course this is all a hypothesis I undoubtably will never get to test as no woman would be bonkers enough to have me :p

duckula 18-07-2004 12:12 AM

Women are whores, why lie?

Pinkfairy 18-07-2004 12:27 AM

I'd have to agree with Hazzle again.
I would have respected the guy more if he had been honest with me from the beginning instead of having to find outa month later from other people.
I believe there are guys who would break it off rather than cheat. It really is a personal decision that defines your personality. This guy isn't really bad, and he didn't mean to do it, and I believe him, but he still lied to me.
The fact that he was drunk might make him a bit less guilty, i don't know, but he still lied.
And I think cheating online is still cheating when it's something you haven't bothered to let your partner know of (guilt) and something he/she wouldn't appreciate it (it's lying).

Hazzle 18-07-2004 02:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess
Hazzle,

You've never had a relationship of any kind... who wants to be alone? I sure don't want to be...I think we all wouldn't mind having someone we totally adore in our lives.

Bah...loneliness rules...well ok...it doesn't...but meh...may as well get used to it...it's certainly better than hope...because with hope comes disappointment without fail...me? Pessimistic? NEVER!!!

Quote:

Btw...studies on cheating are typically surveys which rely on person's SELF-REPORTing of cheating. If men are reporting (acknowledging) more cheating than women, this could also indicate that men are more likely than women to ADMIT to cheating.
That's one reason why the stats come out the way they do.

Quote:

I believe it's Anne Hooper, who authors books on sex, etc., who said a key difference between men and women is that men see ONE thing in many women... women see MANY things in one man. That's her theory, not mine, but I can see the truth in it. They simply see more women as postential sexual partners...?
And that's the other. Men still have the neanderthal urge within them to sow their wild oats...it's why we have mid-life crises, in part. Whereas women have traditionally had the mindset of seeking one partner to settle down and have children with. Of course over the years women have become sexually liberated and therefore feel freer to pursue and explore things...thus women feel more "able" to have affairs...that said the traditional mindset of being a wife and a mother plays its role too, hence women often have longer lasting affairs with less men, but men will often cheat more often with more women and have shorter (often one-night stands) affairs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckula
Women are whores, why lie?

Blunt as always :p

Ducky should be a diplomat to represent British interests abroad...he wouldn't last long in the job but the results would be hilarious. I could quite imagine him going to the Saudis whilst discussing military relations and asking "Why do you all wear tea-towels on your heads?" :D

keira_lover 07-08-2004 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spire
I haven't had a real chance to cheat.

How fucking sad is that.

I feel your pain Spire.

_______________

44th member of Keira Knightley's Posse

Hazzle 07-08-2004 01:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keira_lover
I feel your pain Spire.

_______________

44th member of Keira Knightley's Posse

Care to elaborate? We don't bite...much...

kilyncw 12-08-2004 05:50 PM

yeah the first girl i've ever loved cheated on me with her ex and her best friends brother, then says "i know i fucked but can't we try again i love you"
fuck that, this is why i haven't talked her, maybe 3 times since and thats cause she calls me. its cool i found someone who feels the same for me as i do for her and thats what i want and need. so it all worked out for the best.
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MedullaPancreas 21-08-2004 08:18 AM

Does using your hand qualify as cheating?

MarkOB 24-08-2004 08:10 PM

Cheating is not acceptable at all. When I say cheating, I include swingers, I include a guy sleeping with another woman to try and help her get pregnant, I include... er, how can I put this?... sleeping with multiple people at the same time :)

Cheating, in any form, is unacceptable.

That's my verdict.

kilyncw 24-08-2004 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkOB
Cheating is not acceptable at all. When I say cheating, I include swingers, I include a guy sleeping with another woman to try and help her get pregnant, I include... er, how can I put this?... sleeping with multiple people at the same time :)

Cheating, in any form, is unacceptable.

That's my verdict.

alright dude i agree with you completely but you are 14. seriously where is your basis for any relationship advice/status/comment?
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hasselbrad 24-08-2004 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MedullaPancreas
Does using your hand qualify as cheating?

Depends on who you're thinking about. Also depends on how secure your significant other is.

MarkOB 24-08-2004 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kilyncw
alright dude i agree with you completely but you are 14. seriously where is your basis for any relationship advice/status/comment?

My basis for advice/status/comment is that I've not had the experience, and so I'm above those people who care more about what their pants think to what their head thinks.

kilyncw 25-08-2004 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkOB
My basis for advice/status/comment is that I've not had the experience, and so I'm above those people who care more about what their pants think to what their head thinks.

don't change your thoughts as you get older and you'll do alright.
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Mickydrip 16-03-2005 09:25 AM

If you should know I cheated once and I dont regret it I finally got this old girl that i used to like and at this party we ended up pashing put thats not the point when i done it she had told her freind so I thought I should go tell my gf before she finds out from someone else.So I go and tell her one night at her house and she isnt upset she just goes "well I know you used to like her and it was a one of thing, but Since you told me that I should tell you that I have been cheating on you for a week now".So when she said this I was stumped, anyway we broke up the next day.But so you know guys or girls normally cheat if they are bored with their current realonship like if they havent progressed, they are look for new thrills, sometimes even to see how it differs and too see if he/she likes it better and to see if they relasionship can survive something like that.------Mind the punctuation

Scott 17-03-2005 04:21 AM

Never cheated on any of my girlfriends, and I've never been cheated on. I have however been dumped because they liked someone else. That's teenage romance for ya!

Andrew 17-03-2005 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott
Never cheated on any of my girlfriends, and I've never been cheated on.

Or maybe you just never found out about it :icon_wink

Scott 18-03-2005 08:19 AM

Ignorance is bliss

Vertical Vortex 06-05-2005 05:56 PM

Cheating is disrespectfull and I hope never to do that. Why having a relationship if you cheat... thats the whole point of relationships, the commitment.

gracie 03-06-2005 07:52 PM

i have cheated on other people, i mildly regret that. but i dont really get hung up on past shit. whats done is done. but more recently i have been the one who is the third person in the relationship if you know what i mean. and i mean the first time i saw him for about 2 months frequently. i didnt know his girlfriend so i didn't feel bad. And he was sort of an asshole, so i figured she had to know he was cheating and accepted it, particularly because i wasn't the only one. Now im seeing this guy and i know his girlfriend. Shes acutally really sweet and pretty. I feel stress more than guilt. But more i wonder why hes cheating. I mean shes nice, sexually available, here, and pretty. And i mean some of you know me. Im sexually available but not particularly nice, in fact im quite bitchy. its not particularly fathomable. Whatever.

Kelsey 04-06-2005 09:40 PM

Gracie! One of my favorite people! I don't know if I've been gone so long, or you have, but either way, nice to see you around here once again.

I have nothing intelligent to add to this conversation.

qzx00 06-06-2005 05:43 AM

It's not cheating unless you're wearing a ring!! It's better to get it out of your system now before you get married, then when you get married you can truly settle down. Any girl I have cheated on, knew before hand that I may cheat. Don't lie, that's the key. If you are upfront and straight foward there is nothing wrong with it unless you're married.

gracie 06-06-2005 06:18 AM

Kelsey! ive been totally mia. fucking college god. lol but i missed you too! and to the whole it doesnt count if it isnt marriage. i feel like what youre talking about is open relationships, non monogamy. and then its not cheating. but would you have told them about it or would they have stopped seeing you if they knew? thats bad news.

Urbanebula 06-06-2005 01:21 PM

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 years+

I have not once thought about cheating or anything else that goes against her wishes. If i was handed the chance to cheat and get off scott-free I wouldn't take it. I think it's a turely sick thing to do to sombody you're supposed to care for (or love in my case) and if i knew any of my friends had cheated on their partner i wouldn't want to have anything to do with them.

Digital_Ice 06-06-2005 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Urbanebula
and if i knew any of my friends had cheated on their partner i wouldn't want to have anything to do with them.

thats a bit over the top in my opinion, you'd loose your freindship over the details of their relationship?

Urbanebula 07-06-2005 08:42 AM

Ok, so I'd loose a hell of a lot of respect for them.


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