Dates
 

What do girls enjoy on their dates fun at a pub, nice restaraunt etc.

What has worked for you and what has not.

also how do you ask a member of the opposite sex
(same in certain cases) out on a date

my advice is that if it's going to be a first date, don't make it so common and boring (ie, fancy dinner, movie, etc). you definitely dont want fancy because you don't know her that well (or at all). at a movie, you wont get to talk to her and figure out if you even like her.

make it fun...perhaps an activity? if you're good at pool, teach her how to play pool at a pool hall. or go putt putting. SOMETHING. show her you're a tad spontaneous and fun.

and just a few hours ago i asked someone out. i mentioned that i was going to be at a japanese restuarant/bar on a specific date and time and that i'd love for her to join me.

you have to have a date and time already picked out. don't say "can i take you out sometime?". thats no good. say something like "i'd like for you to join me at <place>...how is <time> on <date>?"


all in all, you need to appear confident and not desperate. easier said than done, i know, but its solid, successful advice.

Define your terms. First, what do you consider a "date". I had a female friend that I'd gone out to places with many times. And later, during a talk, she told me that we'd never been on a "date". Had we been on a "date" it would have ended with us sleeping together. I learned that for a certain proportion of the female species, for it to be a "date" it must end in bed.

Therefore, the definition of a "date" should be the first step. Once you define whether you sleep together, then how you spend the earlier part of the evening is relatively more expensive or important...

So if you want to go out with that particular lady, you can, and she is a fantastic dancer and conversationalist; so you will have a great time, but it will not be a "date".'

If you are asking how to turn "an evening together" into a "date"; that is a question that is only answerable for that individual situation. If what you are asking is Don Juan Techniques, go F$%# yourself. But if what you want is to learn how to "have a good time" while you are out with a female, I suspect that all you need to know is that you should ask her. She'll tell you if you ask her.

I do like Ryan's comment that you should ask her to go to a "particular event at a particular time"... Anything else would not count. Forinstance, how would you feel about being asked to have lunch with a male friend? Coffee? A night out at the pub? And how would it change when you walked into the pub and found it was full of "gay" couples dancing? He was trying to "date" you, but you were blissfully unaware that a sex game was going on. That's the difference between "going out" and "going out on a date".

I suspect that you should actually be able to talk to the lady before you try to take them out and bed them...

How-to
 

^Dave, dates don't end in bed...you hang with slutty girls. Dates end on a doorstep with an awkward hug/kiss...if there was real chemistry and you were a gentleman you might get invited inside to have more convo.

#1 biggest mistake made - overly flirting. Be subtle...make that person WANT to get to know you. I enjoy doing the "eye flirt," get caught looking at the person...not checking our their arse or chest...their EYES, SMILE, FACE, HAIR are what you should look at. Just last week I stole glances, got caught a few times, at a very beautiful girl when I went into the Mazda dealership for a quote, when I went back to confirm my order I caught HER stealing glances my way...I'll be in their later this week to get my car serviced...who knows...I might have a date this weekend.

#2 NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT EXES - they're your exes, keep them out of it. You're getting to know the other person...make small talk...smile...look them in the eyes. You can glean a lot from a person by watching their eyes, why do you think poker players wear sunglasses.

#3 Be confident not cocky/arrogant - When you're confident in your convo abilities, flirtations, and other activities the other person will believe you. If you over-do it and come off cocky it's a MAJOR turn-off. Confidence is key, but just like flirting it needs to be subtle.

Place for a date - coffee shops/pub for the Euros are great if you don't know the person, this allows for some get-to-know you talking...just make sure it's not a rowdy place full of distractions. If you know the person well and want to make an impression - cook for them, OMG there is NOTHING I love more than having someone take the time to cook for me...it makes me feel special, just make sure you find out if they're veggie/vegan & their likes/dislikes...if they question just say you're trying to pick the place to eat.

Best of luck young grasshopper - let me know if you get your date.

All of those things come long before "The Date". (And what I said was that I thought we had dated, and she told me we had not. By her definition, a date ended in bed. Woman's Perogative.) I have no idea what a date is nowadays. Back when I was 17, it was 1960. And you can believe that I have never dated "slutty girls". I don't know any. I've known a girl who had a lot of lovers; but she was not slutty.

A "Date" is something special. Not just "taking a girl out for coffee and paying for her coffee..." If you want to get credit for a "Date", it's going to cost more than $3.25 at Starbucks; and it's going to take more than an hour.

A week in Acapulco would qualify; as would a show in Las Vegas, (unless you live in Las Vegas.) Try again. A date is trying to get beyond the things you say over coffee. Perhaps a set of ballroom dancing classes would qualify depending on how you set that up, but not "meeting at the dancehall to dance".

You've heard the expression "cheap date"? Well, coffee house posturing doesn't cut it. Ask a woman whether she would dress up to go to a coffee house. If she wouldn't dress special, it isn't a date unless you have to board a 747 to get there. Going clamming in New England would qualify, if you were from Texas; but not if you lived on Cape Cod.

Back to defining your terms. All those things, (including a week of ballooning, and being her regular dance partner every Friday night for almost a year) were not dates. A date is something special. AND you must have gone through all of those other steps long before you go on a date.

Believe me when I say that the women I would want to date would never in her whole life have been called a slut. I know several strippers who have PhDs; and nobody ever thinks they are sluts, either. Just try to woo a stripper with a cup of coffee... :fencing:

And for an example. A Movie
Two tickets to the movie $20.00
Gas to get to Albuquerque & Back 140miles @ 10mpg at $2.55/gal=$35.70
Meal (since you have >2 hours driving time+2 hr movie) $25.00
Keepsake (soundtrack or whatever) $20.00
Or, you could spend an evening locally in a bar, and I suspect (never having done this myself) that would also cost $100.00
Or, a concert (Involves driving to Albuquerque again) Santana evening cost more than $100.00 and convinced me that the CD is immensely better.
Or, You could take her to one of the Casinos, (around Albuquerque) and God only knows how much that would cost.

Comments from Tina...
 

Subject: RE: Clearly your ears must be burning...
From: "Sullivan, Tina"
To: "David Wade"

Hmm. This is the first I've seen of this. I am NOT not talking to you.
Also, you've always talked about me with or without my permission, so
why change now?

Wrote the rest of this before this line, but I've gotta go to class.

Back to the topic. Read and feel free to cut anything out if you post
this anywhere.
Depends on the girl. I always liked music, dancing, movies, walks (on the beach, in a park, through the horticulture museum, etc.), pretty much anything that enabled you to have something to do or listen to other than JUST paying attention to whoever a first date was, since first dates always seem awkward and restaurants tend to provide too much "Hmmm, what should we talk about now" time. After becoming a little more familiar, quieter and more solitary activities are nice. Sunrises are special, but that would take a LOT of guts for a first date.Depends on the guy. I have an easy time asking guys if they want to eat, dance, hike, or go for a drive. I have a much harder time asking if they want to go to a movie. This applies only to the early part of dating. Upfront. Be clear. Misunderstanding whether it is a date or not does not help anyone, and it is better to be rejected right off than after investing weeks into something that you discover was a figment of your imagination. I've been known to ask someone point blank if they were involved with anyone, and if not would they like to get to know each other better - how about going to Dallas (a nightclub) to go dancing Friday night. The place and activity varied, the frankness was critical. In case this gets passed on to anyone who doesn't know me, I am female, dated a lot in the 70s -80s (both by invitation and by my own initiative) and have pretty much ceased doing so, though it does still come up on occasion. I am not against it, but have had different priorities for many years - have recently accomplished some things to a point where I may rethink "not dating". -----I ABSOLUTELY agree! ---- I'm pretty sure this is not something I ever said, since I have never believed that sex and romance necessarily coincide. I think a date can be any activity, but requires a certain frame of mind. Perhaps an interest in potential romance. If your heart's not in it, you need to be up front and say so to avoid confusion. I've sometimes had to ask in what context an invitation was extended. In fact I am currently hanging out with someone whom I need to check on periodically, because he has a reputation for confusing friendship with dating, and I KNOW I do not want to date him - though it seems kind of mean to say so too frequently. ---- This raised my concern that he might be talking about me. I am quite capable of dancing and conversing with someone whom I have absolutely no romantic interest in and having a good time, and I think they generally do too. I have even spent evenings like this with gay friends, occasionally REALLY doing it up in evening gown and tux with champagne and roses as a means of celebrating and making a special time - but you don't play huggy-bod, kissy-face, and it doesn't go any further. This can be fun if both parties understand the position, but can be painful if either has hopes of something else. I've been on both ends of that pain. ---- I agree. Slutty is sleeping with many people in a brief time period, not necessarily chosing to do so with one person after little knowledge. I know a couple who got married at the end of a blind date, having crossed to Canada to do so - they are still happily married more than 50 years later. Also, people from our generation slept with a lot of people over a period of many years - that doesn't make us sluts, just experienced. ---- I DISAGREE with this. A date can be a walk in the rain if the interest is there. ---- again, I DISAGREE, and kind of object to the implication that all women are that materialistic. The most romantic time I can remember with you (even though we were NOT dating) was one morning when you showed up at my house with hot chocolate and invited me to drive out the main hill road to watch the sunrise. That's one of my all-time-favorite memories, and if anything had been going to work at that time, that would have. I admit I had to get dressed, but not dressed up.

>From: David Wade [mailto:djw]
>Sent: Wednesday, March 22, 2006 7:00 AM
>To: Sullivan, Tina
...snip...
>out of your shell by explaining to these kids what I'm talking
>about. Assuming you still feel the same way about this.