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-   -   Need sexual harrasement help! (http://www.keiraknightley.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1432)

aznkkfan 15-02-2005 02:46 AM

Need sexual harrasement help!
 
I was sexually harrased when i 12, and it went on for about 3 years. The things he did seems very small compared to other's experiences but I kno it's gonna haunt me.

So this guy who sat next to me during middle school band asked me out. I said i wasn't interested and he stopped asking me for a couple of days. Then he goes on constantly asking me until it turns into a "I love you. you wanna have a play date?" to a "youre so hot. hop into my bed" until i was scared to even sleep because of dreams.

On the day we had a celebration and i had to wear this beautiful long chinese silk dresses. I was okay with the dress thing until he sat next to me and started rubbing my knee, eventually he slipped his hand under my dress!!! To make things even more uncomfortable, he started rubbing his prop (american flag pole) against my leg backstage!

I was hiding in fear, spending my lunches with my yearbook advisor and going from loving band to wishing it would be cancelled everyday. The day came when i couldnt take it and comfronted the principal when he gropped my ass while i was playing the piano standing up. After that, I didnt really see him because he was in a mental institution. A little relieved until 9th grade started and i had band 4 times a week. I saw him for the first few weeks of school until he slit his wrist.......

At that point i was crying my eyes out wondering wat would happen if he comes back to school. I've told my counselor about it and it's been filed somewhere. But i'm still a little uneasy when hearing anything about him. I'd eavesdrop on my guy friends and i've become more violent. Just wondering if there's any advice to calm me down. i'd be real grateful

seventhson 15-02-2005 03:40 AM

aznkkfan,
Hope you don't mind an old man like me offering some advice. You said you have told a counselor. That was a smart thing to do. Please stay in touch with counselor & keep her updated on what you see/hear about this boy who is harrassing you. It sounds like he has alot of problems. Maybe he has an unhealthy home life. Do you have other guy friends who know this guy well? Another guy friend could maybe talk to him about calming down his behavior...Maybe one of your girl friends knows one of his close guy friends and peer pressure could work on this guy to back off 'cause he is freaking you out. Do you know his parents or older siblings? Maybe the counselor does and she could talk to them about his behavior...Maybe this guy needs serious psychological help from a psychollogist or Doctor of mental health. Talk to your counselor to see if he behaves this way with other girls. Chances are, you aren't the only one he's been inappropriate with. Stay in touch with your school counselor & they may be able to get this guy some help. Other than that, just keep your distance from him, report everything inapproprate he does to the counselor, the school counselor may be able to put a restraining order on him to not come within 25 feet of you or expell him and maybe have one of your guy friends (a BIG one) keep an eye on him. I would also recommend you pray for this guy to be forgiven for misbehaving. God can help with alot of things, including peace for aznkkfan. God bless you + good luck.

deviljet88 15-02-2005 06:18 AM

Woah, you're only around my age. Know I couldn't handle it if it happened to me, but I'm born ugly so noone's willing to touch me :P In seriousness, I agree with 7thson, staying in touch with the counsellor is a good idea. Also, this may seem silly, but have you told your parents? Just wondering because it has no mention.

aznkkfan 15-02-2005 07:44 PM

yea, i've told my parents about it. They were concerned and they made me watch some unsolved mysteries show on lifetime to help... which ironiclly gave me nightmares. I thought i was ugly too, but apparently he's got problems (like what seventhson said). My counseler did say i could get a restraining order, but he wasnt really in school at the time so i just asked the police officer to document it. And you know what really sucks? they dont kno anything about him and his behavior with other girls (cuz he was only there for about.. a month). and they said that they couldnt tell me any personal stuff about him. :mad:

if he approaches me and i make a scene, should i use violence or words?

Trisear 09-03-2005 09:02 AM

if he ever approaches you don't do anything rush and don't use violence... be calm (I know it's not easy). talk to him slowly. or else he would turn into his "violent" state of mind. i think he's one of those "borderline" people... this means that they live their lives always on the edge between sanity and insanity, therefore even the smallest "menace" they feel can make them turn into violent people... it's like pulling the trigger of a dangerous weapon, you know?

maybe at the beginning, ask your friends to come out with ya. don't ever go out alone (only at the beginning). then gradually go back to the old situation (going out even alone... etc... just like before you met him).

if you talk to him remember to be calm.
and maybe keep in your bag one of those "anti-rape-things" such as the pepper-spray... just in cases, you know?!

the safer you feel, the better you will sleep... no more nightmares!!!

aznkkfan 23-03-2005 10:21 PM

i should get pepperspray shouldn't i? haha. where do you get it?

hannahjane 24-03-2005 12:05 AM

Hmm..don't know that I'd recommend carrying pepperspray - that makes it as though YOU are the aggressor; and you're not, you are the victim in all this. Also, avoid violence at all costs unless it is imperatively required. I'm still a little unsure on the exact circumstances of the situation to be honest. Could I ask a few questions just so that I'm sure of the situation you are in, and thus, I'll be able to help more readily?

1. How old are you?
2. How old is this boy that you speak of?
3. This counseller that you talk of....are they part of the school? Or an external body?
4. Your principal knows? What has he/she done about it? What do they say will happen in the future if his behaviour continues?

At the moment, it doesn't seem like your school are doing an awful lot to help you to be honest. If this sort of thing had happened to me, I'd expect the boy to be, at least suspended, if not expelled. Get back to me with the answers, and I'll see if I can help you further.

Ranman 24-03-2005 02:11 AM

Kick him in the nuts.

It's my old reliable.

Foeni 24-03-2005 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ranman
Kick him in the nuts.

It's my old reliable.

And kick him so hard that he can't walk. That way he won't come near you :p

hannahjane 24-03-2005 11:18 AM

Yeah, except don't kick him in the nuts, coz you could fuck up his ability to have kids. (I know someone who was in a fight and it happened to him. He wasn't arsed at the time, now he is). I prefer Ranman's other favoured method....poke him in the eyes. It's effective and has comedy value. What more do you want?

Foeni 24-03-2005 11:22 AM

Why not just do both? Frankly I don't give a fuck if he's never able to get children. He should have thought about that before.

Flightfreak 24-03-2005 12:35 PM

yeah, and pay for the rest of your life, because you are responsible for him not being able to have kids anymore.
I would go for the pepper spray, a friend of mine has one, its forbidden thought.

Foeni 24-03-2005 12:53 PM

Heh, so does a Danish politician. She was one ordered to pay a fine for having it.

Ranman 24-03-2005 12:54 PM

People like this shouldn't be aloud to have children.
Kick him as hard as you can in the nuts.

deviljet88 24-03-2005 01:07 PM

If we've switched to torturing the bastard, why not just run at him with a sharp knife or a red hot poker?

Flightfreak 24-03-2005 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Foeni
Heh, so does a Danish politician. She was one ordered to pay a finege for having it.

Had to pay once a penalty for having a pepper spray.
if you kick someone his balls in his brains, so he cant get children anymore, than he can sue you and than you will have to pay penalties for the rest of your life.

Foeni 24-03-2005 01:39 PM

Not in Denmark. We don't use that system very much. I would have to pay him once as a compensation. Plus I would be charged for violence. The fact that he would never be able to get children would just make the compensation bigger. But most likely I would only be charged for the assault.

hannahjane 24-03-2005 05:39 PM

Hmm...this is a constructive conversation :p ;) :D

Foeni 24-03-2005 06:01 PM

Very. You like it? :p

hannahjane 24-03-2005 06:40 PM

You know it. ;)


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