Keira Knightley.com Forums

Keira Knightley.com Forums (http://www.keiraknightley.com/forums/index.php)
-   General Discussion (http://www.keiraknightley.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Ask Hazzle (http://www.keiraknightley.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1176)

Hazzle 03-12-2004 03:19 AM

Ask Hazzle
 
Greetings Wavefronters

Well as those in the know will remember there was once an Ask Ducky thread, and in fact it was recently suggested that he bring it back. I happen to be in favour of this suggestion, but as yet the legend has declined, so stepping into breach KKW's secondary legend will start an "Ask Hazzle" thread.

Ask me any question you like. Whatever kernel of universal knowledge you seek, the Haz is at your disposal with his words of wisdom. The answer to life, the universe and everything is at your beck and call. And no, it's not 42! My giant brain and even bigger ego are always at the disposal of the Wavefront and I will endeavour to deliver the answers promptly, and I will answer all questions asked of The Oracle.

So ask away.

Fox 03-12-2004 03:25 AM

Why is Genital Mutilation on the Increase in Europe?

Hazzle 03-12-2004 03:26 AM

Because we're sadistic fuckers.

Fox 03-12-2004 03:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hazzle:
Because we're sadistic fuckers.
Are you a victim of that barbaric practice?

Hazzle 03-12-2004 03:34 AM

Not so much. Largely as my genitals were mauled by a badger when I was 5. Ouch.

Glare 03-12-2004 03:43 AM

Why was I born? What purpose is my life?

Hazzle 03-12-2004 03:47 AM

To annoy the fuck out of KKW. So far so good.

Fox 03-12-2004 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hazzle:
Not so much. Largely as my genitals were mauled by a badger when I was 5. Ouch.
So then a badger has circumcised you at age 5? What do you think about Female Genital Mutilation?

meegaan1 03-12-2004 03:51 AM

Why is it that most Europeans have bad teeth?

Hazzle 03-12-2004 03:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fox
So then a badger has circumcised you at age 5? What do you think about Female Genital Mutilation?

No, a badger mauled my penis into little shreds. What's left really couldn't be circumcised.

What do I think about female genital mutilation? I think you're far too obsessed with it than could possibly be healthy.

I also think it sounds like a great idea. In fact female mutilation full stop sounds great.

Hazzle 03-12-2004 03:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meegaan1
Why is it that most Europeans have bad teeth?

Because European Dentists are too busy fucking their dental nurses to care.

I think the question should be why do Americans have such ungodly white teeth?

Fox 03-12-2004 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hazzle:
What do I think about female genital mutilation? I think you're far too obsessed with it than could possibly be healthy.

I also think it sounds like a great idea. In fact female mutilation full stop sounds great.
WRONG!!! As far as female "circumcision" goes, I believe it is one of the most horrific personal crimes to ever be committed on females. The followers of this practice really have their heads up their Asses when it comes to this. The gift of sexual pleasure is one of the neatest things about being a woman, and my heart breaks for those who have had this barbaric ritual performed on them that will never know the pleasures of sex... only the pain of losing their virginity and childbirth. It is SUCH a monstrous crime against these females in this manner, and the reasoning behind it is ludicrous!!! They perform this ritual so that their wife will not stray outside of the marriage bed of her husband!!!

Hazzle 03-12-2004 04:03 AM

I am never wrong. The female orgasm is a waste of time, and women quite rightly should be deprived of all sexual pleasure. Now shut it woman and get back into the fucking kitchen.

Ashlyn 03-12-2004 04:06 AM

Isn't it the women who perform the mutilation anyway? I heard that in some countries the men are all against it but the women say they have to do it... But then I did hear that from my RE teacher... so who knows

Fox 03-12-2004 04:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hazzle:
The female orgasm is a waste of time, and women quite rightly should be deprived of all sexual pleasure.
Gee, let's make it so that women don't enjoy sex, that way they won't try to find someone who is better in bed than me!" BULLSHIT!!! A happy marriage bed (as well as respect, honesty, compassion, etc.) makes the wife want to stay faithful... not an unhappy one!!! Talk about fucking up big time with THAT idea... stupid rat-bastard, whomever he was!!!

The problem with educating people that the practice of female genital mutilation is WRONG is this:

It's a fucking TRADITION now. Heck, for the people that follow that religion, it's just "something we're supposed to do", and goodness KNOWS they don't want their little girl to have a hard time finding a husband, so they send her off to get her clitoris chopped up with the greatest of intentions.

And for that, the little girls weep with the intense pain of the ritual, but do not know to weep for their loss, because they are too young to know of the pleasure they will be missing...

Not everything traditional and cultural is good, last time I checked.

Hazzle 03-12-2004 04:09 AM

Who gives a fuck who does it?

Now come sit by me Ashlyn darling and entertain The Haz. There's a good girl now...

Ashlyn 03-12-2004 04:15 AM

eeeew change the subject

Fox 03-12-2004 04:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hazzle:
Who gives a fuck who does it?
I condemn it on the grounds that it is cruel and totally unnecessary, and serves only to perpetuate barbaric medieval notions of male domination in which the act of intercourse is solely for the male's gratification, and for the propagation of children.

Even worse than against their will, is that they are so helpless and vulnerable as to be unable to express their will, and that when they attain sexual maturity, this obscenity will be a fait accompli against which there is no recourse, and which is strongly... indeed irresistibly... reinforced by surrounding cultural norms.

Hazzle 03-12-2004 04:28 AM

That's like the second post in a row without a question in it. People, people, people...stop obsessing about pedantic crap and remember what the thread is for. I am your magic 8 ball...use my savant skills wisely. If you can't, kindly fuck off out of my thread.

Fox 03-12-2004 04:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hazzle:
I am your magic 8 ball...use my savant skills wisely.
Wouldn't you love to shoot some 8 ball with Natalie Portman?


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:26 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
By appointment to HM Keira Knightley.