NearokA
23-09-2004, 06:41 AM
"I don't wanna die, Daddy. Daddy, if I die, who will take care of my babies [refering to my stuffed animals]? Daddy, why must I die?" I was seven years old when I first uttered those words. Death came to me in a dream. It's where I first encountered the color, black.
It's dark here. The pitch black abyss is dense, like water. I'm floating. Lost. Cold. Shivering. Wait, something's pulling me. Is it gravity? In the distance, there's a small rupture about the size of a tennis ball. A black hole! There's no pain here, Keira. There's no sound. As I inch closer to the hole, my body begins to break apart. I see pieces of me being sucked in. It's a slow process. As if whoever or whatever brought me here was enjoying it. As my brain begins it's slow process of delamination, memories come to me in flashes. Slow at first, and then faster. Then my dreams come, my aspirations. Then they meld together, showing me an alternate reality of what could have been. The last slide of the memory roller coaster is always the same, a picture of my corpse, rotting in a coffin six feet underground. That's when I wake up of course. I've had this dream a couple more times, each getting more and more intense. The memories change slightly, but the last slide is always the same.
The babies were like death wards. I never had an imaginary friend when I was younger, nor any real friends for that matter. These stuffed animals were all I had, kind of like Calvin and Hobbes. If you could come back into time with me, and see me young, observe closely. Each stuffed animal was given a one dimenisonal personality. I even had a different voice for each one. It was a map of my brain. Individually, you could see their faults, their weaknesses. Some were evil, they wanted death and pain, their strength was power and confidence. Some were good, they wanted good health and well being, their weakness was being pacifists and undeciding. Some were inbetween and just didn't give a fuck. Each scenario I played out, the babies were separated. You could see how each group would negatively impact the other. Like a power struggle. But as the scenario played out, in the end, they would always come together. And in the midst of all these stuff animals, there was this little pink bear. Don't ask me how I acquired him, I don't remember. He sorta just came into my life. And this little pink bear was the oldest of all the others and spoke the wisest words, even if he had a childish voice and small in stature and pink in color. He was my favorite, a natural born leader. He had all the right qualities. And when it came down to survival, it was him that brought all the others together. I wonder, when it comes my time and I'm lying, dying, will there be anybody to save me?
How Knightley of you Keira, to come and rescue me. Donning that shiny armor and a sword, much longer than mine. :icon_lol: It's refeshing to see the gender roles switched for a change. And though you may not be here in person, I see images of your soul in these pictures. So, why must we die? How the fuck should I know? That's not important though. What is important, is what one does in the meantime. I think love is the answer. It makes life sweeter. You can have all the money in the world, you can see all the sunsets to fill a lifetime, you can experience all the wonders of this world, but in the end, the only thing that matters is unconditional love.
It's that feeling you get when you're gone and you know your girl misses you. It's that feeling you get when she whispers in your ear, "I love you." It's that feeling you get when you're just with her, surrounded with her energy and enthusiasm. Ah fuck, it's the best feeling in the world. And when you do find love, hold on to that shit brothers. Don't fucking let go for nuthin' because you don't know if you'll be able to find it again.
Love may not able to slow the inevitable death down, but rest assured, at least you won't be facing it alone. Nobody deserves a lonely death. Thanks Keira, you give me faith that there are things in this world worth living for. I hope one day, I can repay the favor.
If Keira has influenced your thinking, speak now or forever hold your peace.
It's dark here. The pitch black abyss is dense, like water. I'm floating. Lost. Cold. Shivering. Wait, something's pulling me. Is it gravity? In the distance, there's a small rupture about the size of a tennis ball. A black hole! There's no pain here, Keira. There's no sound. As I inch closer to the hole, my body begins to break apart. I see pieces of me being sucked in. It's a slow process. As if whoever or whatever brought me here was enjoying it. As my brain begins it's slow process of delamination, memories come to me in flashes. Slow at first, and then faster. Then my dreams come, my aspirations. Then they meld together, showing me an alternate reality of what could have been. The last slide of the memory roller coaster is always the same, a picture of my corpse, rotting in a coffin six feet underground. That's when I wake up of course. I've had this dream a couple more times, each getting more and more intense. The memories change slightly, but the last slide is always the same.
The babies were like death wards. I never had an imaginary friend when I was younger, nor any real friends for that matter. These stuffed animals were all I had, kind of like Calvin and Hobbes. If you could come back into time with me, and see me young, observe closely. Each stuffed animal was given a one dimenisonal personality. I even had a different voice for each one. It was a map of my brain. Individually, you could see their faults, their weaknesses. Some were evil, they wanted death and pain, their strength was power and confidence. Some were good, they wanted good health and well being, their weakness was being pacifists and undeciding. Some were inbetween and just didn't give a fuck. Each scenario I played out, the babies were separated. You could see how each group would negatively impact the other. Like a power struggle. But as the scenario played out, in the end, they would always come together. And in the midst of all these stuff animals, there was this little pink bear. Don't ask me how I acquired him, I don't remember. He sorta just came into my life. And this little pink bear was the oldest of all the others and spoke the wisest words, even if he had a childish voice and small in stature and pink in color. He was my favorite, a natural born leader. He had all the right qualities. And when it came down to survival, it was him that brought all the others together. I wonder, when it comes my time and I'm lying, dying, will there be anybody to save me?
How Knightley of you Keira, to come and rescue me. Donning that shiny armor and a sword, much longer than mine. :icon_lol: It's refeshing to see the gender roles switched for a change. And though you may not be here in person, I see images of your soul in these pictures. So, why must we die? How the fuck should I know? That's not important though. What is important, is what one does in the meantime. I think love is the answer. It makes life sweeter. You can have all the money in the world, you can see all the sunsets to fill a lifetime, you can experience all the wonders of this world, but in the end, the only thing that matters is unconditional love.
It's that feeling you get when you're gone and you know your girl misses you. It's that feeling you get when she whispers in your ear, "I love you." It's that feeling you get when you're just with her, surrounded with her energy and enthusiasm. Ah fuck, it's the best feeling in the world. And when you do find love, hold on to that shit brothers. Don't fucking let go for nuthin' because you don't know if you'll be able to find it again.
Love may not able to slow the inevitable death down, but rest assured, at least you won't be facing it alone. Nobody deserves a lonely death. Thanks Keira, you give me faith that there are things in this world worth living for. I hope one day, I can repay the favor.
If Keira has influenced your thinking, speak now or forever hold your peace.