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Princess
29-06-2004, 05:13 AM
delete

Pygmalion
29-06-2004, 09:14 AM
LOL!!!
That reminds me of a joke I heard a few eeks ago, along the same lines really:

THE REAL STORY OF ADAM AND EVE
All the stuff about the apple and the serpent is bullshit. What really happened was: God came down to talk to Adam and Eve. He said "Ok. you two can do whatEVER you want. Eat whatever-even those apples-but Eve, you must NEVER go into the water."
So Adam and Eve were like "SCORES!!" and went around doing what EVER they pleased-except swimming...
So a few months later, it was a really hot day in the Garden of Eden, and Eve had forgotten her promise to God, and so went into the water. She'd been swimming for about 20 minutes when God came ROARING down from Heaven: "What the HELL do you think you're doing?!?!?!?! Now we'll NEVER get the taste out of the fish!!!!"

acliff
29-06-2004, 10:39 AM
:rolleyes:

I think its more the smell.....

I was going to post this story about hammers and tampons, but I can't find the link... Amishka knows :P

Pygmalion
30-06-2004, 03:45 AM
HAH!! I know a pretty gross one thats been around for a while in Aus, not sure if you peeps from other countries will've heard it but BE WARNED its pretty wrong-and since I'M out and proud I'm not being homophobic-so nobody post abuse at me please :)

Three lesbians are sitting in a bar. The first one says "I can fit my WHOLe fist up myself!"
The second one says "oh yeah? Well I can fit my whole ARM up there!"
The third one says "Um guys? Can you help me off the stool please?"

Hazzle
30-06-2004, 10:19 PM
HAH!! I know a pretty gross one thats been around for a while in Aus, not sure if you peeps from other countries will've heard it but BE WARNED its pretty wrong-and since I'M out and proud I'm not being homophobic-so nobody post abuse at me please :)

Three lesbians are sitting in a bar. The first one says "I can fit my WHOLe fist up myself!"
The second one says "oh yeah? Well I can fit my whole ARM up there!"
The third one says "Um guys? Can you help me off the stool please?"

Hehe...my best mate told me that one...she's a font of dirty jokes...excellent...the roll up one is a new one on me though...very nice ;)

DefyingGravity
04-07-2004, 05:37 PM
Hahaha Princess.

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

:p

Mistikle
04-07-2004, 05:50 PM
ok no offense to blondes in any any way... coz not all blondes are dumb or slow... but i thought this was funny and i wanted to share it with all of u people!!

One blonde asks another:

"Which is further, London or the Moon?"................

The other replies: "HELLOOOOO, can you see London from here?????!!!!!"
:p

hope i didn't offend anyone in anyway
if i did i'm sorry!! :o

Hazzle
04-07-2004, 06:16 PM
Ok...if this is just going to become a general joke thread, perhaps it doesn't belong here but on GD instead?

nina
04-07-2004, 07:01 PM
lol im a bit slow!
i was staring at that pic of the kangaroo for about 5 mins before i got it.

Jacoby
05-07-2004, 12:54 AM
http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/baddesign.jpg
I just realised this could be offensive. If it is I'll delete it.

Pygmalion
05-07-2004, 01:20 AM
Lol I think if anybody was gonna get offended it would've been earlier in the thread.
I got a great one:

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?

WELL HUNG!!!

I have one friend who tells me these jokes

Mistikle
06-07-2004, 04:49 PM
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk;
A carton of eggs;
Quart of orange juice;
A head of romaine lettuce;
A 2 lb. can of coffee; and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front
of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was equally
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She
looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
about her selections that could have tipped off her drunken observer as to
her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what you're
absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

deviljet88
11-07-2004, 03:16 AM
heh these are so amusing, post some please :)

DefyingGravity
14-07-2004, 12:06 AM
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."

hasselbrad
20-07-2004, 12:28 PM
...written by court reporters, of things actually said in open court.

The following is a cross examination of a coroner.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Mistikle
20-07-2004, 12:54 PM
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."

POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."

POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

Mistikle
25-07-2004, 02:23 PM
THINGS TEACHERS WOULD LOVE TO WRITE ON A STUDENT’S REPORT CARD… BUT CAN’T

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has starte to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. This student has delusions of adequacy.
4. This student is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. This student sets low standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a “full six-pack” but lacks the plastic sling to hold it all together.
7. Student has been working with glue too much.
8. When the student’s IQ reaches 50, he/she should sell.
9. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
11. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.
12. Your child is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
13. If your child had two brain cells, they’d kill each other. :fencing:

Mistikle
25-07-2004, 02:23 PM
10 ways to scare your neighbors

1.) Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that
you don't have a phone.
hello
2.) Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and Scream, "I have your life in my
hands, bow down to me!". Then point at each one and declare them good or bad
plants,while watering the bad ones.

3.)Bring them restraining orders on inanimate objects in their house. (ie: chairs, books,
lamps, etc.)

4.) Ask them if you can put your trash in their cans, if they ask why say, "Mine are full of
bodies", then stutter and say, "I uh mean other garbage." walk away laughing
hysterically.

5.)Patrol the perimeter of your yard while carrying a broom. If they come close state that
their is a 3 foot neutral area between the two yards.

6.) At night transplant the plants in their garden. In the morning say, "looks like they're on
the move again."

7.) When they're watching TV, pull a lawn chair behind their window. Sit down with popcorn
and a dink and ask them if they could open a window so you can hear too.

8.)Build snowmen with name tags of your neighbours. Each day hack off a different part of
their body.

9.) Use your TV remote to change the channels on their TV from outside. If asked why,
say you protest such programs. (The more educational the program the better.)

10.) Dig shallow graves at night filling your yard with brown grave patches. Make markers out of household applainces.

Dyce_Blue
25-07-2004, 05:09 PM
Everyone has to read these jokes. These are hilarious!

KeirazBabe
25-07-2004, 05:44 PM
Lmfao.. *dies*..enough said.

http://img29.photobucket.com/albums/v86/adamrawks/catlmao.jpg

xXx

CollisionStar
01-08-2004, 04:45 AM
Haha...ok, here's mine...

One day while driving, a young wife turned to her husband and asked "Honey, if I died, would you start dating again?" He thought about for a minute and said "Well, perhaps, but it would take me a long time."

She paused and asked him "Would you marry again?" To which he said "If she was the right person and it was the right time."

She was getting worried now. "Would you let her sleep in our house, like, in our bed?" He again gave an uncertain answer, but implied yes.

Finally she asked "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" He shook his head assertively and said "Oh no, she's left handed."

Spire
01-08-2004, 05:35 AM
KeirazBabe, Princess, and Hazzle are standing in an elevator. They see a puddle of white liquid in the corner of the elevator and and glance at each other curiously.
KeirazBabe leans down and examines it, then stands up and says "It looks like ****."
Princess gets down and sniffs it and says, "It smells like ****."
And then Hazzle gets on his knees, licks it, and says, "Yeah, but it doesn't taste like anyone in this building."




Some names were changed to protect the innocent.

Justin
02-08-2004, 10:41 PM
http://home.wanadoo.nl/aflans/zooi/funny23.jpg

Some of those jokes are hilarious :icon_conf

keira_lover
07-08-2004, 12:55 AM
Very funny jokes. Keep em coming!

_________________

44th member of Keira Knightley's Posse

Hazzle
07-08-2004, 01:10 AM
Very funny jokes. Keep em coming!

_________________

44th member of Keira Knightley's Posse

SPAM! Contribute a joke. Oh wait...you posted...nevermind.

keiracaleb
07-08-2004, 12:09 PM
no offence to blondes!

How can you tell if a blonde's been in your car? There's lipstick on the steering wheel where she's been trying to blow the horn.
--------------------------------------

Theres a blonde, a brunette and a redhead standing at a bus-stop. th redhead sais to the other two
'i'm disgraced at my daughter, i walked into her room yesterdy and found a packet of ciggerettes on the floor, i can't beleave she smokes.'
"I know how you feel" sais the brunette " my i found an empty bottle of vodka in my daughter's room, i can't beleave she drinks!"
"That's nothing" sais the blonde " i walked into my duaghter's room and found an empty condom packet" "NO!" say the other 2 women "Yes" continues the blonde "I can't beleave she has a penis"

keira_lover
07-08-2004, 07:26 PM
SPAM! Contribute a joke. Oh wait...you posted...nevermind.

Nice try Haz.

A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."
_____________________

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."
_____________________

Why don't witches wear panties?
Better grip on the broom. :icon_lol:

DefyingGravity
07-08-2004, 07:35 PM
How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a lightbulb?

The Answer is SEVEN:

1. One to deny that a lightbulb needs to be replaced

2. One to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the lightbulb,

3. One to blame the previous administration for the need of a new lightbulb,

4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of lightbulbs,

5. One to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a lightbulb,

6. One to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the lightbulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag,

7. And finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.

Martha
07-08-2004, 07:40 PM
DELETE...

keira_lover
07-08-2004, 07:41 PM
How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a lightbulb?

The Answer is SEVEN:

1. One to deny that a lightbulb needs to be replaced

2. One to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the lightbulb,

3. One to blame the previous administration for the need of a new lightbulb,

4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of lightbulbs,

5. One to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a lightbulb,

6. One to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the lightbulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag,

7. And finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.

Genius, simply genius.

DefyingGravity
07-08-2004, 07:51 PM
DELETE...

Delete what?

frodo1511
07-08-2004, 08:17 PM
Next time the phone isn't for you, tell whoever's on the other line to hold on, blow up a balloon, and pop it, screaming, "AUGH! I'VE BEEN SHOT!!!"
Works every time....

Jacoby
07-08-2004, 09:36 PM
Next time the phone isn't for you, tell whoever's on the other line to hold on, blow up a balloon, and pop it, screaming, "AUGH! I'VE BEEN SHOT!!!"
Works every time....

Finally I can use up all those extra balloons I have lying around.

Hazzle
08-08-2004, 12:32 AM
Specially for Poggs:

A man, his wife and son are travelling by train from London to Manchester. As they're pulling out of London, the little boy asks: "Are we nearly there yet?". Throughout the journey he carries on asking the same question every couple of minutes. Every time he does, his dad sticks his arm out of the train window, pulls it back in and says, "Not yet". After two and a half hours, the little boy puts in his request for information and the dad puts his arm out of the window, pulls it back in and says, "Nearly there." "How can you tell?" Asks his wife. "Easy," he says. "When I put my arm out of the window that time some thieving bastard stole my watch".

Another one:

Q: If your wife's watch has broken, how do you repair it?

A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

This one has to be said out loud to get it. Specially for the Bush haters out there :p:

It's a routine diplomatic meeting between the president of the US and the Queen, when the president suddenly goes off on a tangent.

"You know", he says. "I'm getting pissed off with my country, the good ol' US of A, being just a country. I've been thinking of taking a leaf out of your book and changing the name to the United Kingdom of America."

"Well," says the Queen. "I'm afraid that for it to be a kingdom you need to have a king in charge. And you're not a king."

"Shoot," says the president. "How about a principality?"

"That requires a crown prince to be in charge, and you're not a prince"

Goddamn it! How about an Empire?"

"You need to have an Emperor in charge, and you're not an Emperor".

Before the president can say another word the Queen continues: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a country."

Last one:

A builder, a poet and a programmer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses.

The builder said "I enjoyed time with my wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship"

The poet said "I enjoyed time with my mistress, because of the passion and mystery I found there."

The programmer said "I like both".

"BOTH?!" They questioned.

"Yeah," said the coder. "If you have a wife and a mistress they'll each think you're spending time with the other girl, and you can go to the office and get some work done."

DefyingGravity
08-08-2004, 01:42 AM
A chick was really sick and needed a blood transplant so her boyfriend gave her the blood. two weeks later they broke up and the guy said "hey bitch, i want my fucking blood back!" so she chucked him a tampon and said "the rest will come in monthly payments"

Mistikle
08-08-2004, 09:33 AM
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhoea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently, trying to get the unknown things off and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?" The drunk, still staring down replied,

"I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."

Elijahfan
11-08-2004, 11:37 PM
god that's funny mistikle! i actually laughed out loud. too bad i dont know any good jokes

Mistikle
14-08-2004, 06:55 AM
ohh thanks, Elijahfan....

Psychiatric Hotline

We've all had the annoying experience of calling up a hotline and waiting on the phone for eons to hear all the choices the lucky touch-tone dialers receive. Well, think how frustrating that would be if you were calling the.... PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE
The telephone rings and an answering machine answers... "Welcome to the psychiatric hotline." If you are obsessive compulsive, please press one repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid/delusional, we know who you are, what you want, just stay on the line so that we can trace your call.

If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If your are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press....no one will answer any way.

kilyncw
16-08-2004, 06:13 PM
what'd the toilet say to the bath tub?
i get more ass than you.


short and sweet.
________
big women Webcams (http://www.girlcamfriend.com/webcam/bbw/)

Mistikle
18-08-2004, 01:46 PM
Sub-standard School Systems

Mother: Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school.
Victor: Aw, Mom do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too.
Mother: Yes you do.
Victor: Give me a good reason
Mother: You're 34 and you're the Principal!

Mistikle
18-08-2004, 01:50 PM
The Blonde Flight Attendant

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Ardnax
18-08-2004, 06:06 PM
Sub-standard School Systems

Mother: Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school.
Victor: Aw, Mom do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too.
Mother: Yes you do.
Victor: Give me a good reason
Mother: You're 34 and you're the Principal!
I bet my principal does that! :icon_lol:

kilyncw
18-08-2004, 07:40 PM
this guy and his girlfriend (both virgins) agree to have sex. but the agreement was only if the guy met his gf's family first.
the guy agrees to come over for dinner that night.

on his way to her house he stopped at a small pharmacy to pick up some condoms in anticipation. but he finds himself wondering what kind or size he should get, there is just too much variety.

the pharmacy clerk notices the guy's frustration and asks if there is anything he can do to help.

guy: "well i am about to have sex with my gf for the first time and i'm not sure what to get"
clerk: "well what's your size?"
guy: "i don't know"
clerk: "well we've all been there, so just let me see and i tell you."

guy gets it out

clerk: "well you look like a medium."

so the guy buys them quite embarassed and goes to the girls house. about an hour passes before dinner is ready. but finally it is.

they are all sitting around the table getting ready to eat and the guy just starts praying. the family just kinda goes with it. for 5-10mins the guy is praying very hard. about 10 more minutes go bye finally the girl says
"you never told me you were so religious."

guy: "you never told me your father was a pharmacy clerk."
________
Orthia (http://www.honda-wiki.org/wiki/Honda_Orthia)

Hazzle
18-08-2004, 09:34 PM
Haha...that was good.

duckula
18-08-2004, 09:39 PM
Haha...no it wasn't.

hasselbrad
18-08-2004, 09:51 PM
what'd the toilet say to the bath tub?
i get more ass than you.

That reminds me of a funny.
Several years ago, a local shock-jock (whom some of you have probably heard of) by the name of Bubba the Love Sponge had a former Tampa Bay Lightning player on his program by the name of Rudy "The Pie Maker" Poecheck (sp?). At the time, 98 Rock had billboards of the morbidly obese Bubba sitting on the toilet.
Bubba was being a smartass toward Rudy and Rudy was making fun of his weight. At one point Rudy mentioned the billboards and asked what he was sitting on. Bubba shoots back "It's a toilet you dumbass!"
Rudy says "Oh, I thought it was a bathtub," and hung up.
There was about 5 seconds of dead air. Rudy 1 - Bubba 0

Hazzle
18-08-2004, 11:03 PM
Haha...no it wasn't.

Bah...I was going for the sarcy response...cunt :D

kilyncw
19-08-2004, 01:34 PM
i don't know, dead baby jokes can be quite offensive to some but i love this one.

what's the only thing better than hanging a dead baby from a ceiling fan?

hitting with a bat every time it comes around.


i don't know, pedafile jokes can be quite offensive to some but i love this one.

how do you make your dick look bigger?

put it in the hands of a 5 year old.


i don't know, racist jokes can be quite offensive to some but i love this one.

what's long black and stinky?

the unemployment line. (doesn't count cause i heard it from a black guy, i'm not racist, my nephew and brother in-law are black.)


i don't know, religious jokes can be quite offensive to some but i love this one

how many jewish people can you fit in a car?

4 in the seat and depends on how many ash trays are in the car. (once again, nothing against jewish people, my best friend is jewish and he told me that one as well.)






i swear i'm not sick
________
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Mistikle
19-08-2004, 02:35 PM
Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York.

Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long; the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the Rockettes, and others. Eventually, they make their way to Coney Island.

As they stroll down the beach, taking in all the newness of America, they see a very large billboard that reads: "HOT DOGS," with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new, they decide to try one. So they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to enjoy another piece of Americana.

The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap, unfolds the paper wrapper, looks at his hot dog for a moment, and suddenly wraps it back up.

He then turns to his brother and says, "What part of the dog did you get?"

Mistikle
19-08-2004, 02:42 PM
Never Complain About Your Job Again...
http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/dont_complain3.jpg

Mistikle
19-08-2004, 02:48 PM
http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/hones.jpg

kilyncw
19-08-2004, 07:19 PM
oh shit, it's still in me.

what's worse than 12 dead babies in a trash can?

1 dead baby in 12 trash cans.


why don't black people celebrate thanksgiving?

cause KFC isn't open.


i'm going to hell for this one i know it.

why was Jesus thrown out of the WWF?

illegal head gear.


and the joke about the spanish guy, black guy, and white guy from boondock saints is knee-slappin' funny too.
________
Weed bubblers (http://bubblers.net/)

ChocolateMoose
19-08-2004, 11:24 PM
The Magic Slide

One day two parents took their young son for a day out in the park. In the centre was a play area which had a slide as its centre piece. It was said that the slide was magical and that whatever you said as you went down it would appear at the bottom of the slide.

The Dad decided to see if this was true so he went down the slide. As he did he yelled "beer" and sure enough, when he got to the bottom he plunged into a huge lake of beer. Next on the slide was Mum. As she went down she yelled "money!" and was rewarded with piles of money at the bottom of the slide. Lastly the little boy sat at the top of the slide and smiled. He pushed on the sides and whizzed down screaming "wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" ......

kilyncw
20-08-2004, 12:59 PM
2 guys walk into a bar.......


........you'd think one of them would have noticed.
________
Coach Handbags (http://icoachhandbags.com/)

Hazzle
22-08-2004, 03:00 AM
In the hopes of actually making this thread funny again...

A man told his friend, "I'm breaking up with Carol."

The friend asked, "What did she do?"

The man replied, "She told me she was bisexual"

The guy said, "That sounds pretty hot. What's the problem?"

"What's the problem?!" The man asked. "Who wants to fuck just twice a year?"

Blonde joke that's actually quite funny:

A blonde persuaded her husband to let her come along on his hunting trip. When they were deep in the woods he collapsed. She took out her cell phone and dialled 911. "I think my husband is dead," she said. "What should I do?"

The operator said, "Calm down. First let's make sure he's dead."

The operator heard a gunshot. Then the blonde got back on the phone and said "Okay. Now what?"

And another:

According to an article in a women's magazine, a lady's sleeping position says a lot about her: Women who sleep on their side are sensitive, women who sleep on their stomach are competent and women who sleep on their back with their ankles behind their ears are very popular ;).

Y'know how some jokes make you laugh, even though you groan at the same time? This is one of those:

Q: How do asthmatic lesbians breathe?
A: In snatches.

Finally...this one is funny because it's true :p

Same sex marriage is what you get when homosexual lovers exchange wedding vows.
Some sex marriage is what you get when heterosexual lovers exchange wedding vows.

kilyncw
24-08-2004, 12:37 PM
i'm not catholic so i think this one is funny

a priest is in a confession booth and gets a mad case of the runs and has to leave the booth in the middle of a confession.

he asks a member of the church to go sit in on the confessions and just give 10 hail mary's for everything.

the man reluctantly agrees.

a women comes in confessing to performing oral sex.

the guy thinks to himself "man, that has to be worth more than 10 hail mary's." so he opens the door and yells to one of the altar boys "hey, what does the priest usually give for oral sex?"

the altar rapidly replies "oh about a bag of chips and a soda."
________
Ifa advice (http://www.religionboard.org/ifa/)

hasselbrad
24-08-2004, 12:38 PM
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

Woody Allen

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday
night."

Rodney Dangerfield

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."

Lynn Lavner

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are
unimportant."

George Burns

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole
relationship."

Sharon Stone

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

Jack Nicholson

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

Barbara Bush
(Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

Robin Williams

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

Billy Crystal

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."

Robert De Niro

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men
are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause
severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

Dustin Hoffman

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I
know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'."

Jerry Seinfeld

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time."

Robin Williams

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

" It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."

Joan Rivers

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences
money can buy."

Steve Martin

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman.
Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Emo Phillips

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

Oscar Wilde

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

George Burns

Mistikle
24-08-2004, 02:55 PM
A Side Order of Blondes

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"

"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.

kilyncw
24-08-2004, 03:28 PM
another stupid blonde joke

a blonde and brunette are in an elevator having general discussion

an absolutely gorgeous guy gets on, the 2 women make eye contact and get all girly.

but then the brunette notices he has some bad dandruff.

the guy gets off and brunette immediately states "someone needs to give that man some head and shoulders."

the blonde replies "OH YEAH......" pauses, "wait, how do you give shoulders?"
________
Plymouth deluxe specifications (http://www.dodge-wiki.com/wiki/Plymouth_Deluxe)

Mistikle
24-08-2004, 03:33 PM
A man walks into a bar and yells "Bartender, give me twenty shots of your best single malt scotch!"

The bartender pours the shots and the man drinks them down one at a time, as fast as he can.

The bartender says "Wow, I never saw anyonebody drink that fast" The man replies by saying, "Well, you'd drink fast if you had what I have" The bartender says "Oh my god, what do you have??!!"

The man says "Fifty cents"

hasselbrad
25-08-2004, 02:38 PM
"Hey, how about this Kerry campaign, huh? He gets up on stage and on one side he has a man he saved from drowning and on the other side he has Ted Kennedy!"
- Comedian Rich Vos

kilyncw
26-08-2004, 06:09 PM
a bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods, the rabbit hopes over a magic log and a leprachaun (spelling don't care) pops up between them and says that he will grant them each three wishes.

bear: "well i am going first cause i am bear, i wish for every bear in the entire country to be female, and i want them all to love me."

lep: "alright it's done"

rabbit: "i wish i had a little motorcycle i can ride through the woods."

lep looks at him wierd but agrees

bear: "i wish for every bear in the entire continent to be female and i want them all to love me."

lep agrees to that as well

rabbit: "i wish i had a little helmet i can wear while riding my little motorcycle"

still not seeing his reasoning, the lep agrees

bear: "for my last wish, i wish for all the bear in the entire world to be female and i want them all to love me."

meanwhile rabbit starts up his little motorcycle puts on his helmet and is already to go, "for my final wish," he starts to drive away and yells "i wish for bear to be gay."
________
Lovely Wendie99 (http://www.lovelywendie99.com/)

Dyce_Blue
26-08-2004, 06:20 PM
A man goes to the dentist for a root canal, and right when the dentist is about to give the man the novacaine shot...

Man: Wait, wait! I'm terrified of needles.

So the dentist puts the needle down and prepares the nitrous oxide gas, and when he is about to place the mask on the man's face...

Man: Wait, wait! I'm claustrophobic.

So the dentist puts down the mask and leaves the room. He comes back with two blue pills.

Man: Those look like Viagra

Dentist: Well, you're gonna need something to hold onto when I start drilling.

kilyncw
26-08-2004, 06:28 PM
what's the difference between a truck load of dead babies, and a truck load of bowling balls?



i can't unload bowling balls with a pitch fork.
________
Zx14 vs hayabusa (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Which_bike_is_quicker_kawasaki_zx_-14_or_suzuki_hayabusa)

Mistikle
28-08-2004, 04:49 PM
Husband: Honey, when I die, will you marry again?

Wife: I am afraid I will. You know how much I hate solitude.

Husband: Will you let him drive my car?

Wife: Well, I think so.

Husband: Will you let him sit in my favorite chair?

Wife: Maybe.

Husband: Will you let him have my gold watch?

Wife: Maybe.

Husband: Will you let him wear my nice suits?

Wife: No, he is shorter.

Mistikle
28-08-2004, 04:56 PM
http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/reven.jpg

Mistikle
30-08-2004, 02:32 PM
This was an email i got...

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,

"Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

SEND OR SHOW THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT

Mistikle
30-08-2004, 02:39 PM
A Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45mph.

The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.
Up to 60.

"I want the car, too," he continues.
65 mph.

"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.

This makes him nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies-in a quiet and controlled voice.

"No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles.
"The airbag."

Moral of the Story: Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with them.

Mistikle
30-08-2004, 04:39 PM
http://www.shortfamilyonline.com/jokes/unknown/Nemo-Found.jpg http://www.greyowltutor.com/pictures/things/slides/ducklings.jpg http://www3.sympatico.ca/ladywillow/contributorpictures/Funny_pics/dot_kitten2.jpg

kilyncw
30-08-2004, 05:37 PM
Moral of the Story: Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with them.

here's a funny one, a guy gets in a pretty bad car accident (should prolly be dead) and loses complete sight in left eye because of airbag.

moral of the story: air bags suck ass
________
Kids Avandia (http://www.classactionsettlements.org/lawsuit/avandia/)

Kelsey
30-08-2004, 10:40 PM
I know this isnt something I would usually post, but its funny anyways....

Jacques, the Parisian cabdriver, picks up Buck from Texas at the airport in Paris. Buck has never been to Paris before and is here on business, but he doesn't have to be at his business meeting for a little while, and he can't check into his hotel yet.
"Show me the sights," Buck tells Jacques.
Jacques drives the cab by the Louvre Museum.
"Holy smokes!" cries Buck, "What kind of building is that?!"
"Ahhh, that is the Louvre. A fine museum filled with all of the great works. It's taken the French 5'000 years to get it to be what it is today."
"5'000 years?" Buck asks, amazed. "2-3 years tops in Texas."
Jacques rolls his eyes and drives towards Notre Dame.
"Whoa! What kind of building is that?!"
"Ahhh, that is Our Church....our Notre Dame, with the beautiful stained glass. Took the french 250 years to build."
"250 years?! Four months tops in Texas."
Next, Jacques takes him past the Eiffel Tower.
"Whooooaaa! What kind of building is that?"
Jacques peers out his window. "Oh, I do not know! That was not here yesterday!"

hasselbrad
31-08-2004, 12:26 AM
Two Tennessee hillbillies get married, and on the first night of their honeymoon, Junior is pretty nervous. He ain't never had relations with a woman and he's wound pretty tight. After a few minutes of nervous kisses and carressin' LuLu rolls him offa top a her an' says, "You ain't never done this before, have you?"
"Naw LuLu, I reckon I ain't."
She says, "Junior...ain't nothin' to it. You just put that thing you play with where I pee."
So Junior gets up and throws his bowling ball in the sink.

***rimshot***

Dyce_Blue
31-08-2004, 12:55 AM
I know this isnt something I would usually post, but its funny anyways....

Jacques, the Parisian cabdriver, picks up Buck from Texas at the airport in Paris. Buck has never been to Paris before and is here on business, but he doesn't have to be at his business meeting for a little while, and he can't check into his hotel yet.
"Show me the sights," Buck tells Jacques.
Jacques drives the cab by the Louvre Museum.
"Holy smokes!" cries Buck, "What kind of building is that?!"
"Ahhh, that is the Louvre. A fine museum filled with all of the great works. It's taken the French 5'000 years to get it to be what it is today."
"5'000 years?" Buck asks, amazed. "2-3 years tops in Texas."
Jacques rolls his eyes and drives towards Notre Dame.
"Whoa! What kind of building is that?!"
"Ahhh, that is Our Church....our Notre Dame, with the beautiful stained glass. Took the french 250 years to build."
"250 years?! Four months tops in Texas."
Next, Jacques takes him past the Eiffel Tower.
"Whooooaaa! What kind of building is that?"
Jacques peers out his window. "Oh, I do not know! That was not here yesterday!"


Help me out here, I don't get it...

Kelsey
31-08-2004, 01:54 AM
Help me out here, I don't get it...
The American dude looks at the extremely famous French landmarks and tells the cabdriver that Texas can build it faster and better. So the cabdriver, a little upset but amused at his behavior, tells him that it took the french less than a day to build the eiffel tower, quite possibly the most impressive of the three french buildings.

kilyncw
31-08-2004, 02:37 PM
it was a pretty good one
________
AMATEUR ADULT VIDEO (http://www.fucktube.com/)

keira_lover
01-09-2004, 06:59 AM
Alright, time for some funny:

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I bet you $50 I could lick my eyeball” So the bartender says, “You’re on.”

The guy removes his glass eye, licks it, and pops it back in. The bartender laughs and willingly gives the guy his cash. The next day, the guy walks in again with another bet.

“Bartender, I bet you $100 I could bite my elbow.” The bartender agrees. So the guys pulls out his dentures, bites his elbow, and pops them back in. The bartender laughs and grudgingly forks over the $100.

The next day the same guy walks in and says “Bartender, I bet you $500 I could place a shot glass at the end of the bar and piss in it from here without spilling a drop.” So the bartender thinks this is a no lose situation.

He agrees. So the guy stands on the bar, pulls down his drawers and proceeds to piss all over the place. He pees all over the bartender, the customers, in peoples drinks… everywhere. The bartender is rolling on the floor with laughter. “You owe me $500!”

“That’s ok,” says the guy, “I just bet those two guys at the end of the bar I could piss on you and still make you laugh!”

-----------------------

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn’t hear her correctly and says, “Come again?”

The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, “Oh, no it’s just mustard this time.”

-----------------------

A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”

The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”

The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”

“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”

“Tiger Woods.”

“Tiger Woods the golfer?”

“Yeah.”

“Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

“What are you doing?” asks his wife.

The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that!” she claims.

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that,” again she claims.

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it a third time.”

The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”

“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this damn hole!”

-----------------------------

What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you

-----------------------------

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.

“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”

“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

-------------------------

A drunk walks into a bar, sits down, and demands a drink.

“Get out!” yells the bartender. “I don’t serve drunks here.”

The guy staggers out the front door, comes in through the side door, sits down, bangs his fist, and loudly demands a drink.

“I thought I just told you to get out,” says the bartender.

So the drunk gets up, stumbles out the side door, and returns through the back door. He again sits down and angrily calls for a drink.

The bartender walks over to the guy and yells, “I told you, no drunks allowed. Now get the hell out!”

The drunk looks up and slurs, “Hey, buddy, how many fuckin’ bars do you work at, anyway?”

---------------------------

A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, “I’d like some Polish sausage.”

The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you Polish?”

The guy, clearly offended, says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?”

The clerk says, “Well, no.”

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, “Well, alright then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?”

The clerk replies, “Because this is Home Depot.”

--------------------

John dies and arrives in hell. He’s met by the devil and told that each person is offered several choices of torture that run in 1,000-year cycles.
The devil leads him to room after room of torture, each more horrible than the next. Finally, they go to a room where a young college co-ed is performing oral sex on a man drinking beer.

John tells the devil, “This is more like it!”

The devil says, “Are you sure? It lasts for a thousand years!”

John replies, “Yes!”

So the devil walks over to the young woman and says, “You can go now. I’ve found your replacement.”

hasselbrad
01-09-2004, 12:47 PM
...between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.

ralfusius
01-09-2004, 05:48 PM
what is the roof of SM? draw a whip on the wall then throw your girlfriend (/boyfriend) against the wall!

Mistikle
02-09-2004, 04:16 PM
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window.

"Good lord!" he screamed, "one of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.

The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanour seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.

Each crew member attached the package to their backs.

"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?"

The pilot said they were.

The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

Mistikle
02-09-2004, 04:22 PM
A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy.

"What the heck are you doing ?" he asks the drunk.

"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it." he replies.

"So how does feeling the roof help you ?" asks the puzzled manager.

"well," replies the drunk earnestly, "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!"

DefyingGravity
03-09-2004, 01:00 AM
^^ I don't get it... :icon_conf

Jacoby
03-09-2004, 01:03 AM
He's a police officer.

Mistikle
04-09-2004, 03:28 AM
yeh....lol

-----------------------------------
A Dreadful Fight

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"

Mistikle
02-10-2004, 05:46 PM
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys
a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.

She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome
with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

Leonie
03-10-2004, 12:31 AM
Funny you should say that. I actually had a real life non bbq cat sneeze me in the face a couple of weeks ago. Seriously. Not very enjoyable... Maybe I should have started a bbq, instead of turning it down like you suggested.

Not a joke, I know. I'm not funny at 2:30am, k? :icon_razz

Flightfreak
03-10-2004, 09:43 AM
a birddog:
http://www.flyingcirkus.com/forum/uploads/GoeKeli/2004-09-26_204313_8508doggirdMEDl.jpg
:D

deviljet88
03-10-2004, 09:59 AM
That's cute and funny lol.

Jacoby
03-10-2004, 04:10 PM
That's cute and funny lol.

Yeah, if I saw one of those things running toward me in the street I'd say, "Awwwww:)." :icon_conf

Flightfreak
04-10-2004, 05:00 PM
http://www.flyingcirkus.com/forum/uploads/adrian/2004-08-27_103752_29038523.jpg

Flightfreak
05-10-2004, 03:46 PM
http://www.flyingcirkus.com/forum/uploads/3DSWEPED/2004-09-09_004326_funinthesnow3.jpg

Mistikle
05-10-2004, 04:24 PM
hahahaha, that was a funny one flightfreak.... hahaha

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and
said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear."

keira loves lipgloss
05-10-2004, 06:36 PM
Lmfao.. *dies*..enough said.

http://img29.photobucket.com/albums/v86/adamrawks/catlmao.jpg

xXxlol cool cat!

Foeni
05-10-2004, 09:26 PM
Yeah?? What's the funny thing about it? Funny pictures are the last two flightfreak posted...
This one is kinda funny too:

Elijahfan
05-10-2004, 10:08 PM
too funny Foeni! where do people actually find pictures like that....

Clinton
05-10-2004, 10:12 PM
http://www.flyingcirkus.com/forum/uploads/3DSWEPED/2004-09-09_004326_funinthesnow3.jpg


Now thats some FUNNY ass shit!!!!!!!!!!

Foeni
06-10-2004, 03:24 PM
Here are some more:




I'm gonna post some more in severel post.. It's not spam, it's just to avoid having to click a link to see the pic!

Foeni
06-10-2004, 03:30 PM
And more:

Foeni
06-10-2004, 03:32 PM
Even MORE pictures:

Foeni
06-10-2004, 03:34 PM
All the pictures are from www.blingbling.dk

Leonie
06-10-2004, 04:51 PM
http://unix.za.net/~gida/chinese.jpg

They used to have this on the wall at my dad's work. Lucky for them, the Chinese interpreter was blind, so he never knew. You've probably seen it before, but I think it's funny :D