View Full Version : Legal Seperation=forgetfulness?

25-08-2004, 02:15 AM
My parents recently got a legal seperation and my father moved out. He decorated my bedroom the way Ive always wanted and he said it was because he felt as though he ruined my life. I told him he didnt, and weve been getting along better since my rents seperated...all was fine and dandy until my mom got another boyfriend. She began to make plans with him, and leave me out of them, which I dont really mind because they need to be alone. Follow me so far? Well my mother was about to make plans of going to this country fair that her and I always go to, *every since I was like 3 thats almost 13 years!* and shes talking about going with her new boyfriend, and taking the motorcycle which happens to seat only two. Then when I point out to her that I wanted to go, she seemed forgetfull, and just kind of sat there daydreaming, and said, "oh yeah" Am I over reacting over this? I just feel so lost and confused, and I just need some advice. Please!


25-08-2004, 08:09 AM
tell your mom about the bond you guys share....the tradition for starters....and like all movies ask "who do you love more?".....that question can be asked at a later date...when u feel the need. but mainly tell her u want to go....just the two of you..."just like old times sake" or something....hope this helps. BTW you aren't over reacting!

25-08-2004, 06:22 PM
you just gotta remember that everything is always good, it sometimes just takes awhile to realize it.

i wish i knew where you were coming from though, i was only 2 months old when my parents split up and i was only 2 and a half months old when my mother started seeing my current step father.

but it is a lot easier to be close to the one you don't live with. i lived with my mom and to this day me and my father are so much closer than my mother and i. and i go months/years between visits with my father, even when i was in high school.

my advice to you is just let your mother know how you feel about the situation, i'm sure she will understand. confrontation is the best resolution.
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26-08-2004, 02:49 AM
Heh, welcome to my world. I won't advise you act the way I did, as I am getting the impression you feel differently about this situation than I did. Here is what I do suggest:

One thing you need to remember through this whole process is that it isn't just you who needs to adjust to this new situation. I'm sure your mom feels pretty good right now - free maybe. She's not forgetting about you, she's just using this opportunity and going with it. Which is fine. If going to the country fair with her really means the world to you, then I suggest just talking to her. If she's *not* anything like my mom (which I hope for your sake, she's not like my mother), she'll understand. Just be honest, maybe present it like "Mom, we've always gone to the fair together, and with all the changes recently, I don't really want this to change too." Surely, that'll melt her heart and she'll take you, buy you cotton candy, the whole nine yards. And if you feel comfortable, maybe even suggest to her that you, your mom, and her new boyfriend turn this into a bonding opportunity. I'm sure that it's probably important to her that you like this guy she is choosing to date, right?
If you don't want to suggest that, maybe it's time to move on from this tradition. You're currently living with your mother right? Maybe you and your dad can spend a day at the fair.
Divorce changes everything for everyone. You just need to remember that it's hard for your parents too. I'm sure your dad would jump at the chance to take you to the fair and spend time with you, because what a shock to see your child every day one day, and the next you're seeing them every other weekend.

26-08-2004, 04:14 AM
My dad is like that with his girlfriend. Really pisses me off.
Suggest to your mom that its your guys' day, and you need some time just to yourself. Maybe say you need a "Girls Day Out" or something like that.

27-08-2004, 05:04 PM
Divorce changes everything for everyone. You just need to remember that it's hard for your parents too. I'm sure your dad would jump at the chance to take you to the fair and spend time with you, because what a shock to see your child every day one day, and the next you're seeing them every other weekend.

You ain't whistling Dixie. Going weeks on end without seeing my ex-wife, no biggie. Going two weeks without seeing my daughter is tough.

If your relationship with your father is getting stronger, let it. A lot of what I would have to say on the issue depends on the status of your mother's new relationship. If this is something that seems like it's going to be for the long haul, then you are going to have to make some adjustments in your personal life. If this is some guy she met a month ago, my advice would be not to sweat it. Chances are it won't last.
Is your mom's new boyfriend nice to you? An asshole? Indifferent? He may not really say much to you because he may not know what to say. If he's interested in a long term relationship with your mother, chances are he'll want to include you in an activity like the country fair. She may be spaced out because she has some crazy female :rolleyes: romantic notion about riding there on his motorcycle. If so, maybe it would be best if you go with your father. Or, go with friends. Of course, he might not have any idea what she's got in her head (this happens a lot!) and really not have any interest in going to the country fair. He may be planning to drive, assuming all three of you are going. If he's not an asshole, mention the fair and see what his plans are. Open the dialogue and see what happens.
Good luck.

27-08-2004, 07:30 PM
Man, you guys are really helping me out, and thanks so much! Ive been spending more time with my dad which isnt so bad, and my moms boyfriend isnt so bad, but before, maybe it was because he wasnt my dad, he seemed like a jerk and constantly getting on my nerves. A couple days after this post, he took me and my mom to play mini-golf, and seeing my mom happy for the first time in a long time was worth the agitation. I havent talked to her about the fair yet, but I see her in a couple of days so I can give it a go. Thanks everybody, you helped me A LOT!!!!

27-08-2004, 07:38 PM
Glad to hear things are going well.

01-09-2004, 04:32 AM
Awesome. Thats good to hear. Hope everything turns out well!

wee me
24-09-2004, 10:19 PM
yeh me too. good luck! let us know what happens!