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28-07-2004, 08:32 AM

AP - 10 minutes ago

by KRev, AP special correspondent

At an impromptu press conference, FBI Director Dick Johnson announced the capture of two of four known ringleaders of the international terrorist ring "Wavefront" after a two week intercontinental pursuit.

Terror ring founder Winthrop Devonshire (a.k.a. “Barrington”) and his right hand Drew Humphries (“Liam”) surrendered to the international taskforce after a twelve-hour firefight on the island of St. Croix and are now being held at the U.S.’s Guantanamo Bay. Government insiders reassured AP that the preponderance of physical evidence and recently legalized interrogation methods will soon lead authorities to the remaining ringleaders and key international operatives.

Innocently known to the Internet community as the Keira Knightley Wavefront, this tightly regimented, deadly organization, rivals Al Queda in its ferocity and intercontinental reach, Johnson explains. Recent concerns that the terror network is even larger than originally projected are well justified given the website’s hit count: over one million unique visitors as of July of this year. “There are only 397 suspected terrorists registered on the site,” Johnson expounds, “Though there may be tens of thousands Wavefront fighters around the globe, given the site’s unusually high level of activity.”

In a preliminary interview with AP correspondents, Keira Knightley, the 19 year old burgeoning movie star for whom the fan-site is named, had no comment about the website or alleged terrorist activity. Knightley’s mother, playwright and agent/spokesperson Sharman MacDonald, fiercely denies allegations that her daughter’s international acting schedule corresponds to reported terrorist smuggling routes and hideouts. “The website is completely unofficial, unauthorized, and is in no way, shape, or form connected to my daughter or our family.”

Johnson attributed the mission's current successes to the “cordially collaborative” efforts of the FBI, DOHS, CIA, MI6, Interpol and Google.

More to come as the story unfolds...


28-07-2004, 09:55 AM
lol, nice read, pretty funny :D

28-07-2004, 12:11 PM
Amusing stuff. The admins themselves seen it yet?

28-07-2004, 12:24 PM
You emailed me saying you are submitting anrticlefor the newsriters competition. Although this is quite funny and well written it isn't the sort of website update we are used to seeing. If you had followed the rules I set out, PM'd me the article rather than starting a rather useless thread, then maybe, just maybe we would have considered it. Try again with a real news item, and we will see what you can do.

That goes to everyone btw. Get PMing me with your NEWS stories.

28-07-2004, 04:30 PM
Very funny though Poggs, and maybe this guy should submit more of his funnies to the Gallery?

29-07-2004, 01:01 AM
C'mon, aps. Useless thread? It's the Gallery.

29-07-2004, 12:12 PM
This thread half made my day.
Well done sir. You win this chocolate biscuit. I look forward to reading more about the plight of the KKW Terror Network. :D

29-07-2004, 10:02 PM
You're welcome, your Knightley Highness.

Maybe the follow up reports will fully make your day, Your Grace...