View Full Version : Worlds Dumbest Newspaper Headlines

02-12-2007, 11:45 PM
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995

Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us
Holland Sentinel, date unknown.

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut
The New York Times, November 22

Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find
The Los Angeles Times, November 2

'Light' Meals are Lower in Fat, Calories
Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30

Alcohol Ads Promote Drinking
The Hartford Courant, November 18

Malls Try to Attract Shoppers
The Baltimore Sun, October 22

Official: Only Rain Will Cure Drought
The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts

Teenage Girls Often Have Babies Fathered by Men
The Sunday Oregonian, September 24

Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
Newsday, July 11

Man Shoots Neighbor With Machete
The Miami Herald, July 3

Tomatoes Come in Big, Little, Medium Sizes
The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30

Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows
The New York Times, March 10

Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies
The Los Angeles Times, March 2

Scientists See Quakes in L.A. Future
The Oregonian, January 28

Wachtler Tells Graduates That Life in Jail is Demeaning
The Buffalo News, February 26

Free Advice: Bundle Up When Out in the Cold
Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26

Prosecution Paints O.J. as a Wife-Killer
Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, January 25

Economist Uses Theory to Explain Economy
Collinsville Herald-Journal, February 8

Bible Church's Focus is the Bible
Saint Augustine Record, Florida, December 3, 1994

Clinton Pledges Restraint in Use of Nuclear Weapons
Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6

Discoveries: Older Blacks Have Edge in Longevity
The Chicago Tribune, March 5

Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear
Journal of Commerce, April 20

Biting Nails Can Be Sign of Tenseness in a Person
The Daily Gazette of Schenectady, New York, May 2

Lack of Brains Hinders Research
The Columbus Dispatch, April 16

Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism
"Accusing some of her male colleagues of sexism, Los Angeles Councilwoman Laura Chick lashed out at City Hall on Thursday as [sic] the 'most sexist good-old-boys work environment that I've ever been in.' ..."
The Los Angeles Times, June 23

How We Feel About Ourselves is the Core of Self-Esteem, Says Author Louise Hart
Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5

Fish Lurk in Streams
Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle, January 29

03-12-2007, 12:27 AM
Haha, the last one is from my local newspaper...the one that I never read.

04-12-2007, 02:19 AM
Hmmm...this looks like a job for Mr Obvious. 8:

04-12-2007, 08:59 PM
That's CAPTAIN Obvious to you. He didn't fight in two wars to be called Mr.

05-12-2007, 02:28 AM
HA HA I'm referring to a radio show skit in which a fake
caller (long time listener , first time caller) calls in to the
Mr Obvious show. Its from a local radio station and now
syndicated all over the United States. One episode has
a caller complaining that he has a badger stuck in his sink.
After about 15 minutes of stupidity, it turns out this twit
has a garbage disposal. "hmmm Mr Obvious...I never made
the connection."