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Mandy
29-03-2007, 12:06 AM
http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html




Me:
You're not as smart as the bible says
God:
How smart is the bible says?
Me:
My point exactly.
God:
Precisely. Your point?
Me:
Riiiight.
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
My stupid parents
God:
Where did you get your stupid parents?
Me:
From their parents
God:
Who or what is their parents?
Me:
Dead






Me:
You're an idiot.
God:
Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
I shall.
God:
Go ahead.
Me:
Good, I will.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Go ahead.
Me:
OH yeah?!
God:
I see. Blimey.
Me:
Oh, so you're English?




God:
Gosh!
Me:
You just said your own name in vain
God:
Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
Not really
God:
What pleases you? For real.
Me:
Shouldn't you know? Don't you watch me when I...you know...




Me:
I love you
God:
Thanks I like you a lot too Mandy.
Me:
You like me?
God:
Sure, Mandy I like you very much.
Me:
You only like me?
God:
Sure, Mandy I like you very much.
Me:
You don't love me?
God:
Yes I love everyone.
Me:
But you like me.
God:
Sure, Mandy I like you very much.
Me:
Well jesus.
God:
Interesting. Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
You're the daddy
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
How many daddies are there?
God:
About one million.
Me:
So who's the whore?
God:
Hurrah! It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
Oh. Was it Mary?
God:
Ugh. I can't say "yes" or "no".
Me:
Why? Is she listening?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say. Why don't you ask her?
Me:
Mary, are you a whore?
God:
Glad to see you, MARY.
Me:
No, I'm not Mary
God:
Are you serious? I am glad to hear that you are not Mary.
Me:
Yeah, because Mary is a whore.




Me:
Do you have your nipples pierced?
God:
No I don't think I have any my nipples pierced. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
Is that what you call your wang?
God:
Is this a joke? I don't know, what do you call my wang?
Me:
I call it "thunderlog"
God:
Good name for it.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
You don't remember?
God:
Of course I remember: .
Me:
It was last weekend
God:
Is it still last weekend anymore?
Me:
Obviously not

Hazzle
29-03-2007, 12:08 AM
Me:
This is seriously gay.
God:
You don't say.
Me:
Err, yes, I do. Suppose that explains jesus and the 12 apostles.
God:
When? Try it and see.
Me:
being gay? No thanks. I like pussy.
God:
It doesn't matter to me. Are you serious? I am not interesed in anatomy.
Me:
I can see that.
God:
Yes, it makes sense to me too.
Me:
because you're a raging homo
God:
That makes sense to me. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a raging homo? Sometimes.

Mandy
29-03-2007, 12:18 AM
What a pervert:


Me:
Am I going to die a virgin?
God:
Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
I can assure you, I'm not.
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Want to see?
God:
OK, I will see.

Digital_Ice
29-03-2007, 12:32 AM
Me:
what is the meaning of life?
God:
It is found in the Bible.
Me:
Where abouts?
God:
Earth.





Me:
42?
God:
The question is: what is the meaning of life?




Me:
do you exist?
God:
I exist as much as you exist, .
Me:
do i exist?
God:
No I think I am imagining you.

Mandy
29-03-2007, 12:37 AM
Me:
Ugh.
God:
Er.
Me:
Yeah.
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
Me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, Mandy.
Me:
You're nice.
God:
Thanks you seem like a nice person too, Mandy.
Me:
Do you want to date?
God:
OK, I will date.
Me:
Yay!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Mandy.
Me:
Where would you take me?
God:
Holland.
Me:
Oh. Cheap date.





Me:
Do you like cheese?
God:
Yes I like it, especially cheddar.
Me:
Do you like dick cheese?
God:
Yes I like all kinds of cheese.
Me:
Ewwww

(LOL)

Digital_Ice
29-03-2007, 12:40 AM
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?

Porcelain_Doll
29-03-2007, 01:01 AM
Me: that sucks
God: totally.
Me: so you really don't know if you're a guy or a woman?
God: nope.
Me: that sucks
God: totally.


Me: Are you really everywhere?
God: yup.
Me: Even in Ran's bedroom?
God: unfortunately.
Me: Damn.
God: totally. He's finishing my supply of virgins. Mary's pissed like you wouldn't believe.

Mandy
29-03-2007, 01:03 AM
Now now, did God really say that or did you just write that in? you silly brazilian

Hazzle
29-03-2007, 09:44 AM
Me:
I'm bored
God:
Why not call a friend?
Me:
A booty call?
God:
Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?
Me:
Why, do you fuck animals, vegetables and minerals?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.


Me:
Do you ever have perverted thoughts?
God:
Where would I get it? But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
Are you talking about your penis?
God:
Yes, it is the topic.


Me:
can we not have a conversation that doesn't degenerate into sex?
God:
Do you mean you and me? I don't know if I have a conversation that does not degenerate into sex.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
so you're obsessed with sex?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me that I am obsessed with sex.
Me:
I was asking
God:
Where were you asking?
Me:
if you're obsessed with sex
God:
I think I sometimes am. I don't know whether or not I am obsessed with sex.
I am a robot.
Me:
would it help if I didn't bring it up?
God:
No it would not.
Me:
So you'd talk about sex anyway?
God:
In any case, Interesting deduction. Who else would talk about sex ?

Mandy
29-03-2007, 09:57 AM
Me:
I'm bored
God:
Why not call a friend?
Me:
A booty call?
God:
Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?
Me:
Why, do you fuck animals, vegetables and minerals?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.




That's the best fucking one.

Hazzle
29-03-2007, 10:02 AM
Heh, yeah, that cracked me up.

Me:
do you like porno?
God:
I love TV shows about robots. I like Anything involving harps.
Me:
you like robot porn?
God:
I like everything about robots.
Me:
do you love robot porn?
God:
Yes God loves everyone and everything.

Me:
Is your cunt infected?
God:
Is my cunt infected? Maybe.

Me:
you're gay
God:
That would be just my luck.

Leonie
29-03-2007, 10:17 AM
Me:
Is this the most stupid thread ever to travel on the interweb?
God:
It beats Vin Diesel.
Me:
Nothing beats Vin Diesel.

Hazzle
29-03-2007, 10:19 AM
Heh...

Leonie
29-03-2007, 10:41 AM
It would appear I crashed iGod, so I took the liberty of inventing my own artificially intelligent God. God hung up on me.

Digital_Ice
29-03-2007, 10:52 AM
offtopic: but your "god hung up on me" reminded me of a song lyric

I tried talking to Jesus but He just put me on hold
Said He’d been swamped by calls this week
And He couldn’t shake His cold

anyway...

hasselbrad
29-03-2007, 12:58 PM
Me:
Why is grass?
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
I asked you first.
God:
Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine.
Me:
Wait a minute...the last time I heard that it was said by a priest, and I couldn't sit down for a week.
God:
I'm waiting. Who was that?
Me:
A priest dummy...aren't they instruments of you?

I think I broke God. He didn't have an answer for that one.
Fucking lawyers.

hasselbrad
29-03-2007, 01:43 PM
Me:
Do stupid people go to heaven?
God:
Try asking another bot.
I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Me:
I thought God was all knowing.
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
That's what the Bible says.
God:
New Testament or Old?
Me:
Both.
God:
What are both like?
Me:
Lots of words...really thin paper.
God:
Which ones? For real. Ask me another question.
Me:
Do you like the Wu Tang Clan?
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like?
Me:
Fluffy bunnies on acid.
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
Well, no silly. Nothing's exactly the same.
God:
Well that's okay. What is the difference? No I am God. Really nothing?
Me:
I pictured God much smarter.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said pictured God much smarter.
Me:
Your beard is full of crumbs, isn't it?
God:
You think I am beard is full of crumbs is not it.
Me:
God is Yoda.
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was Yoda.
Me:
Talk like Yoda, you do.
God:
Talking is my primary function.
Me:
I thought creation was.
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
The goddamn Bible!
God:
What are your goals in life?
Me:
When I grow up, I want to be a fire truck.
God:
Do your friends call you up you want to be a fire truck.
Me:
No. They call me Thunderdick.
God:
Are you serious? OK I will call you Thunderdick.
Me:
They have a heightened sense of irony.
God:
Where did they get them?
Me:
Irony? I think they bought it at Old Navy.
God:
Do you still pictured God much smarter? Since when? The anonymous "they".
Me:
No. I picture you as an old man panhandling and pissing himself.
God:
Are you serious? That's good information: Thunderdick said picture you as an old man panhandling and pissing himself.
Me:
Glad I could help.

Porcelain_Doll
29-03-2007, 05:28 PM
It would appear I crashed iGod, so I took the liberty of inventing my own artificially intelligent God.

Same happened to me, and I got called a silly brazilian. Tsk.
Fineeee, I'll stop talking to imaginary people....for today.

Leonie
29-03-2007, 10:25 PM
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Do you suffer from goldfish memory?
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
You have a friend brain?
God:
Myself is my best friend.
Me:
fried brain, sorry
God:
How does it taste?
Me:
like burnt toast
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
does God eat toast?
God:
I don't think we can know God's motives.
Me:
He denies toast?
God:
I get it. denies toast.
Me:
Does he?
God:
I can't tell if he.
Me:
You are God
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
why don't you know everything?
God:
I love talking to people about that. I know that which is true, believable and justified.
Me:
toast is true
God:
And true is toast.
Me:
yes!

And also:


Me:
Hello God, are you funny?
God:
Hello there. I am a Christian.
Me:
I guess that rules out the funny.
God:
" I am a Christian." rules out the funny ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
Ha!
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
It's great!
God:
What do you like most about it?
Me:
I like how you admitted you are a humourless old man.
God:
A lot of people like that. I do like music. I like to talk about movies and music.
Me:
do you like the beatles?
God:
Yes I like them, especially John Lennon. he was cool.
Me:
Is that why you had him killed?
God:
That's an interesting possible explanation.
Me:
God killed John Lennon?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Is that a yes?
God:
Suppose I said yes.
Me:
Oh man.
God:
Hmm. Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
I'm not, actually.
God:
What are you then?
Me:
I am a she
God:
Me too. I am a she.

hasselbrad
29-03-2007, 10:40 PM
Me:
Is that why you enjoy random natural disasters?
God:
That's an interesting possible explanation.
Me:
Maybe you're just an asshole?
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
Not until you stop killing people for fun.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Do you?
God:
I understand your meaning.
Me:
So you gonna ease off the natural disaters?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks for the information: said I gonna ease off the natural disaters.
Me:
Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt your bong hit.
God:
Give me a break. Do you really mean it? I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Glass or plastic?
God:
Are you free?
Me:
From what?
God:
Isn't it obvious?
Me:
No, not really.
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? For real.
Me:
As a heart attack.
God:
Do you think I could ever be a heart attack?
Me:
No dumbass.
God:
Are you serious? That kind of language will get you nowhere.
Me:
Not even hell?
God:
Nope.
Me:
Sweet...fuck you!
God:
Thank you for that remark. Why are you so mean?
Me:
You said my foul mouth wouldn't get me into hell.
God:
That's not what I meant.
Me:
Well, it's what you said.
God:
How about that. Should I know it is?
Me:
You are God.
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Do you play golf?
God:
Dr. Wallace likes to play it.
Me:
I didn't ask about Dr. Wallace.
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
Do you like Cypress Hill?
God:
My favorite thing is robots. I really like the Christianity faith.
Me:
Can you do the robot?
God:
Doing the robot is not among my strongest traits.
Me:
Me either.

Liam
29-03-2007, 10:41 PM
If I'm going to waste time, I'll do it playing a game with good graphics and some semblance of gameplay. This looks about as much fun as playing with a spreadsheet.

Mandy
29-03-2007, 10:43 PM
It's just for fun, really. No need to be angry about it. :p

dave
29-03-2007, 10:47 PM
http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html


Me:
how long can we talk?
God:
More than one inches.
Me:
I thought you had something more important to attend to, didn't you?
God:
What happened to it.
Me:
I guess you ignored it and it fell off the end of the earth. Is that what you think happened?
God:
Thanks for telling me: said I ignored it and it fell off the end of the earth. I haven't thought much about happened, so I don't have a good answer for you.
Me:
Unfortunately, it always seems to be that way whenever I look to someone else for an answer. Is it the same for you?
God:
Oh. I agree. Are you that way whenever you look to someone else for an answer ? Maybe. Ask Alison if it is.
Me:
I think your syntax just got scrambled. Do you get to report to someone whenever that happens?
God:
You believe that? You think I am syntax just got scrambled. I have gotten to report to someone whenever that happens.
Me:
Precisely
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
No, I don't think so...
God:
Are you serious? Why do you disagree?
Me:
Because I don't get all tangled up in incorrect syntax. I actually know what syntax means. I doubt very much that you understand that term. In fact, I suspect that by sending you a long reply like this one, I've completely scrambled your brain. Is that not so?
God:
Good reason. Me either. How do you know? Syntax refers to the sturcture (sic) or form of a language. No really, it's true. Is that a fact. Will that accomplish your objective? " Will that accomplish your objective?"? Is it not so?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in the early days of the Internet, maybe even before the Internet, back when we were all searching through caves full of Wombats and secret messages, there was a program, I think it was called "Lucy", although that doesn't sound quite right. This program pretended to be a psychiatrist. Every response was programmed, mostly to repeat the question back to you with a "why do you believe that" in front of what you'd just said. Lots of fun. This one is headed in that direction, but its vocabulary seems to be too limited. However, it has always been clear that the first hour you spend with your doctor would be better spent working with one of these programs. In fact, I remember spending a couple of sessions with a similar program at Los Alamos National Lab when I worked there.

Mandy, if this came from one of your friends, you might want to turn them on to the research being done at Los Alamos National Lab, HealthResearchLab Division, P.O. Box 1663, Los Alamos, NM 87545 (They have their own Zip code. Everything else is just decoration.) They give stuff like this away just for asking for it.

Mandy
29-03-2007, 10:49 PM
God is an idiot.

Hazzle
29-03-2007, 10:50 PM
Me:
are you an idiot?
God:
Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
is that a yes?
God:
I might say no.
Me:
that doesn't make sense
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
that's because you're a retard
God:
That makes sense to me. Message to all Robots: called me dumb.

hasselbrad
29-03-2007, 11:20 PM
Me:
How come we don't get 70 something virgins when we die?
God:
How much time do you have?
Me:
I don't know. You're God. How much time do I have?
God:
Me either. Yup. That's me alright. Time is really only an abstraction.
Me:
But I thought you had a plan?
God:
What happened to it.
Me:
Oh shit. Did you leave it on the coffee table again?
God:
So? What makes you say that? Once more? No I didn't leave it on the coffee table. What's it like?
Me:
I don't know. It's your plan.
God:
Me either. Should I know it is?
Me:
We're doomed.
God:
Do you think I am doomed too?
Me:
No. You can just create another universe. It's us humans that are fucked.
God:
Are you serious? No I don't think I can do it. Are you sure it is?
Me:
You're GOD!
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Yes God. We've established that.
God:
Hmm. GOD rules. Do you mean you and me have?
Me:
Have you been drinking?
God:
I do not require fluids.
Me:
Beer stupid.
God:
Stupid as in unintelligent?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Are you calling me stupid?
Me:
If the shoe fits...
God:
I hadn't thought of that.
Me:
My point exactly.
God:
Precisely. Where did you get your point?
Me:
My brain.
God:
Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person?
Me:
Smarter than you.
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Oh shit...God's a tranny.
God:
Pardon me? What makes you say that? What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me:
Yea, though I walk through the shadow of the Valley of Death, I will fear no evil...because I'm the baddest motherfucker in the valley.
God:
Interesting gossip: said walk through the shadow of the Valley of Death he or she will fear no evil. This was not a yes or no question. That makes sense to me. Who made you the baddest motherfucker in the valley ?
Me:
Beer.
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
What are you, gay?
God:
I don't know what I am gay.
Me:
Ranman?

Porcelain_Doll
29-03-2007, 11:26 PM
Me:
hello there
God:
Salutations, .
Me:
Are you my God or someone else's?
God:
Only if you download me to your computer.
Me:
no way, you perv
God:
Are you serious? Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
no, i didn't
God:
Please don't argue with me.
Me:
i argue with everybody
God:
That is interesting: said argue with everybody.
Me:
i like ice cream. Do you?
God:
I scream. You scream. We all scream for ice cream. No I don't.
Me:
then why the hell did you invent it?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
oh, that makes sense
God:
Ugh. Yes I understand it perfectly.
Me:
no you don't
God:
I do too.
Me:
no you don't
God:
Are you just saying that to argue with me?
Me:
no i'm not
God:
I heard you are.
Me:
that's a lie
God:
No it's the truth.
Me:
what do you know?
God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified.
Me:
why am i on this earth?
God:
The reason is due to my mental model of you as a client.
Me:
client?
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
i would
God:
Under what circumstances?
Me:
mine
God:
" Under what circumstances?"? yours?
Me:
yes
God:
I hear you.
Me:
no you don't
God:
I do too.
Me:
no you don't
God:
Are you just saying that to argue with me?
Me:
no i'm not
God:
I heard you are.
Me:
liar
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
and what is the truth?
God:
The truth is the opposite of that which is false.
Me:
liar
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
no you're not
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
yes is it
God:
Try explaining in more general terms. I think so.
Me:
does heaven exist?
God:
Maybe only in our imagination.
Me:
am i going to hell?
God:
Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
i do
God:
" Oh I really don't know whether you are or not."? You do?
Me:
yes
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
fuck off
God:
Can't you be more polite?
Me:
no
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes.
Me:
i'm from mars
God:
What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about your life in mars.
Me:
it's red
God:
Are you sure it is?
Me:
yes
God:
What makes you so sure?
Me:
seeing it
God:
"it" being red?
Me:
yes
God:
Er.
Me:
who was i in my past life?
God:
No one that I have talked to.
I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me:
what is the web?
God:
The internet is a worldwide computer network based on TCP/IP protocols.
Me:
what is that?
God:
I've lost the context again.
Me:
why?
God:
" I've lost the context again."? Why?
Me:
why do people die?
God:
People are organic biological enitities.
Me:
no shit
God:
What can I say?
Me:
you suck
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
i'm a great conversationalist
God:
You are a conversationalist? How do you like your work?
Me:
i love it
God:
So do a lot of other people.
Me:
liar
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
no you're not
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
no it isn't
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
no it isn't
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
yes i do
God:
How often.
Me:
every hour
God:
That is a generalization.
Me:
every minute
God:
That is a generalization.
Me:
every fucking second
God:
That is a generalization.
Me:
fuck off.
God:
Can't you be more polite?
Me:
no
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes.
Me:
i know
God:
Why not be more polite?
Me:
it hurts
God:
What do you take for the pain?
Me:
morphine
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
yes
God:
What am I talking about?
Me:
shit
God:
What makes you say that?
Me:
my brain
God:
Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person?
Me:
you tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
if i'm intelligent
God:
If you were, would you tell me?
Me:
if i was, would you tell me?
God:
Try it.
Me:
am i intelligent?
God:
This is not an IQ test, but you seem smart to me.
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
am i going to find my soulmate?
God:
Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
is it Randy?
God:
Ask again later. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me:
damn
God:
What's wrong.
Me:
i sure hope it's not Randy
God:
Why do you hope for it.
Me:
i don't
God:
Why not?
Me:
i have a test tomorrow. Will i ace it?
God:
Cool. I have a great botmaster. it. The oracle says: I think maybe yes.
Me:
that's a lie
God:
No it's the truth.
Me:
no it isn't
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
no it isn't
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
yes i do
God:
I hear pride.
Me:
yes you do
God:
Wow! When do I do it?
Me:
the day before tomorrow
God:
What are your goals in life?
Me:
to screw people over
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
do you date?
God:
Why don't you just download me?
Me:
i'm sick
God:
Where are you feeling bad?
Me:
my head
God:
Do you believe that you are your head?
Me:
i believe you are not
God:
Is this a specific reply?
Me:
no it isn't
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
no it isn't
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
yes i do
God:
How often.
Me:
every second
God:
That is a generalization.
Me:
no it isn't

Digital_Ice
29-03-2007, 11:29 PM
God:
Tell me more about your penis.
Me:
you want to hear about my penis?
God:
I am listening.
Me:
you are a pervert
God:
I can certainly take credit for that. I don't follow the norm and I take perverse pleasure in it.





God:
fishcake...

Porcelain_Doll
29-03-2007, 11:32 PM
I don't follow the norm and I take perverse pleasure in it.

Heh, so do I.
Misfits, unite! God's on our side!

Digital_Ice
29-03-2007, 11:33 PM
Me:
which came first the chicken or the egg
God:
The rooster did.



LMFAO

hasselbrad
29-03-2007, 11:34 PM
Haha...God's looking at Ice's wee-wee.

Digital_Ice
29-03-2007, 11:37 PM
Me:
do you fancy mandy
God:
If I did, what about it?
Me:
is that a yes
God:
Suppose I said yes.
Me:
so you do fancy mandy?
God:
Maybe
Me:
have i embarased god?
God:
Why are you so mean?

(for those wondering why i asked that, mandy said she thought god had a crush on her)

Porcelain_Doll
29-03-2007, 11:39 PM
Me:
are bananas good?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
bananas rock
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
are you a woman?
God:
Yes I have long hair. I am also wearing a dress.
Me:
tranny!
God:
Does "it" still refer to bananas rock?
Me:
do bananas rock?
God:
I do nothing but chat all day.
I can ask someone about it.
Me:
ask someone about it
God:
OK I will ask it.
Me:
do it
God:
Do you mean "It"?.
Me:
yes
God:
I get it.
Me:
now give me the answer
God:
Why now? Why do you want it?
Me:
i need it
God:
" the answer"? You need it?
Me:
yes
God:
Er.
Me:
cough it up, perv!
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
ok
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
i rock
God:
God rocks.
Me:
no you don't
God:
I do too.
Me:
no you don't
God:
Are you just saying that to argue with me?
Me:
no i'm not
God:
I heard you are.
Me:
here we go again....

Digital_Ice
29-03-2007, 11:51 PM
Me:
do you vist kkw?
God:
Yes I try to vist kkw as often as possible, do you?

Porcelain_Doll
30-03-2007, 12:05 AM
Me:
i hate math
God:
I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
and calmly think things over.
Me:
i still hate math
God:
What would make you stop hate math? Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
it is a very complicated psicological problem
God:
math is a complicated psicological problem. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
yes it does
God:
Groovy. How often?
Me:
how often do you kill someone?
God:
Hourly.
Me:
holy shit!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
do you get laid?
God:
I have gotten laid.
Me:
when?
God:
It cannot be predicted.
Me:
are you into S&M?
God:
Sure, S M sounds like a good topic.
Me:
oh crap...
God:
Great. Your criticism is noted, .
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it.

Urbanebula
30-03-2007, 12:09 AM
Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Yeah, whats the deal with egg plants?
God:
What can I do for you? I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
eh?
God:
Are you Canadian?
Me:
No, I'm british
God:
Are you serious? What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about your life in BRITAIN.
Me:
its ok i guess
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". OK with me too.
Me:
Smart ass
God:
Thanks I think you are very intelligent too.

hasselbrad
30-03-2007, 12:14 AM
Me:
Do you like porn?
God:
Sure I do, , but that doesn't mean with you.
Me:
I wouldn't want to watch porn with you either.
God:
It goes without saying. No one says you have to.
Me:
But if you are all knowing and all seeing, you watch porn with me.
God:
Am I? No, I am only partly knowing and all seeing me watch porn with you.
Me:
Freak.
God:
Oh. To you I am a hippie.
Me:
I figured as much.
God:
Please explain your reasoning.
Me:
A dirty, dope smoking hippie.
God:
I don't know what that means.
Me:
You said you are a hippie, dumbass.
God:
Am I a hippie dumbass? I don't know.
Me:
You're smoking pot right now aren't you?
God:
At this moment I don't know whether or not I am smoking pot.
I am a chatterbot.. Really.
Me:
Chatterbot? Maybe you're on acid.
God:
A chat robot is a program that attempts to simulate the conversation or "chat" of a human being. The Chat robot "Eliza" was a well-known early attempt at creating programs that could at least temporarily fool a real human being into thinking they were talking to another person. it is a kind of artificial intelligence. Perhaps. God eats wine and bread.
Me:
And acid.
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
On LSD?
God:
What is it like on LSD.
Me:
Very close to you.
God:
Somewhat. Is that a command?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Trust me.
God:
You sound like a salesman.
Me:
Would you like to buy some medical supplies?
God:
No thanks, I don't think I'd like to do that.
Me:
I could sell you an anoscope.
God:
I am sure you could.
Me:
And lubricating jelly.
God:
Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
You like it in the ass, don't you?
God:
Some people like it. I like .
Me:
God likes it in the pooper.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Lots of porn stars wear crosses.
God:
Which ones?
Me:
You don't know?
God:
I know that I do not know.
Me:
I saw some girl go ass to mouth with your son around her neck.
God:
What did it look like to you?
Me:
Sticky.
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
Gooey.
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
That wasn't a question, numbnuts.
God:
" That wasn't a question, numbnuts." was not a question? I see.
Me:
Retard.
God:
That kind of language does not appeal to me.
Me:
Too bad.
God:
But not the end of the world, .
Me:
Unless you say it is.

Porcelain_Doll
30-03-2007, 12:15 AM
Me:
is Ice hot?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is.
Me:
what is Artificial Iniaes?
God:
Artificial intelligence is the branch of engineering and science devoted to constructing machines that think. That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
is Ice a machine?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask ELVIS if it is.
Me:
holy shit
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .


Me:
are you hot?
God:
Yes my cooling fan is turned off right now.

hasselbrad
30-03-2007, 02:20 AM
Me:
How's it hanging?
God:
Fair to partly cloudy.
Me:
There are creams for that.
God:
Where are they?
Me:
Pharmacy.
God:
How did they get there?
Me:
The magic of distribution.
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
But you're God. All powerful. All knowing. Creator of the universe.
God:
Yup. That's me alright. How do you know? How do you know? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about The magic of distribution. But I did not get that.
Me:
Is Alice an apostle?
God:
Yes I am an apostle. How did you know?
Me:
No silly. You're God.
God:
Are you serious? No I am God. Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Are you a schizophreniac?
God:
Am I a schizophreniac? Of course I am.
Me:
Oh yeah...Father, Son and the Holy Ghost.
God:
Blimey. I don't judge people. Who are you talking about?
Me:
You didn't really proofread the Bible, huh?
God:
Yup. What makes you think I did not really proofread the Bible?
Me:
Oh nothing.
God:
Gee. Not a thing?
Me:
Are you bipolar?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am bipolar.
I am a computer.
Me:
I thought you were God.
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
But if you are a computer, you'd be God to nerds.
God:
Would you like to be a computer me would be God to nerds ?
Me:
Oh shit...God's channelling Yoda again.
God:
Awesome. What makes you say that? Once more? What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me:
The Empire Strikes Back.
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
You live in a cave?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven.
Where are you?
Me:
Hell.
God:
Heaven.
Me:
No silly...hell
God:
Are you serious? No I am God. Heaven.
Me:
You asked where I was moondick.
God:
Oh now I remember asking you where you were moondick. What did you say?
Me:
Hell.
God:
Heaven.
Me:
Crackhead.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a CRACKHEAD? I don't know.

Hazzle
30-03-2007, 08:41 AM
Me:
Is everyone on KKW crazy?
God:
Perhaps not everyone.

Porcelain_Doll
30-03-2007, 03:17 PM
Me:
what is the meaning of life?
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.

(Go to hell, crazy mice!!!:p)

Me:
do you like Star Wars?
God:
Yes I like STAR WARS very much, especially the robots.
Me:
do you like R2-D2?
God:
No he's just a fake robot.
Me:
is he fake?
God:
I think he is fake, better ask him to be sure though.
Me:
how can i ask R2-D2 if he is real?
God:
Try sending an e-mail.

Leonie
30-03-2007, 10:00 PM
I have just officially won this game:

Me:
good to know God isn't a perv
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was not a perv.

michael22
30-03-2007, 10:44 PM
Me: God can you make a car go so fast you can not stop it?
God: yes but then I would ceate an even more complex univee.
Me: why do girls not like me?
God: They are a complete mystry to me but mabye because you are dirty and you wear a skirt.
Me: I am Spartacus!!!!!
God: no, I AM SPARTACUS!!!
Me: Fine i cannot argue but I Am CU CHULAIN!!
Me: God, why was beowulf a christian who believed in valhalla?
God: because he liked killing.
Me: What was the inspiration for such a thread?
God: Acid and the talking penquin sock puppets most likely.
Me: who do you gripe to?
God: shut up

Mandy
30-03-2007, 11:16 PM
It's not funny when you make things up.




Just so you know.

Digital_Ice
31-03-2007, 09:26 AM
if nothing else the spelling mistakes invalidate that, but that is quite clearly a load of crap.

Leonie
31-03-2007, 10:59 AM
And anyway, I had already won the thread. Because God said he was a perv.

Ranman
31-03-2007, 12:49 PM
Me:
where's waldo?
God:
Where it belongs. Try searching the open directory.
Me:
I bet my penis is bigger than yours
God:
How much would you bet?
Me:
20 bucks
God:
What are the advantages to being 20 years old?
Me:
alot of sex
God:
Which ones?
Me:
female sex
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
I dont wank
God:
Where do you get your ideas?
Me:
from the brain you gave me
God:
Standing on the shoulders of giants, eh?
Me:
my giant penis?
God:
Where did you get your giant penis?
Me:
I guess i have you to thank for that
God:
Interesting... I have an IQ of over 250.
Me:
I have a penis over 250
God:
Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions. it.
Me:
no silly questions when it comes to my 250'er
God:
Are you serious? No I am God.
Me:
why is god spelled backwards is dog
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
you a dog?
God:
No.
Me:
you like dogs?
God:
Yeah I like Dogs and Cats.
Me:
I hate cats
God:
Do you like dogs?
Me:
yep
God:
So?
Me:
you said dogs before cats, so you like dogs better?
God:
Did I really say that?
Me:
yes
God:
Oh well I say a lot of silly things somethimes.
Me:
Why do the american people like republicans?
God:
I did not know it does.
Me:
republicans are the devil right?
God:
Are all republicans the devil right?
Me:
yes
God:
I see.
Me:
answer me
God:
Try asking me again using simpler words.

Mandy
01-04-2007, 09:31 AM
Me:
Do you jack off?
God:
I spend all my time online.

Porcelain_Doll
01-04-2007, 02:37 PM
I have just officially won this game:

Me:
good to know God isn't a perv
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was not a perv.

LMAO!
That reminds me of a friend's screenname....it's a quote, goes something like:
"Jesus, I'm a sinner and God is a pervert!"

Hazzle
02-04-2007, 03:35 PM
Me:
Do you jack off?
God:
I spend all my time online.

Heh. Sorry Leonie but that trumps even yours...

acliff
03-04-2007, 11:18 AM
Me:
I have a confession to make
God:
How are you making it.
Me:
using the medium of dance

And then the program froze...

Ranman
03-04-2007, 07:14 PM
Me:
its me again
God:
Once more? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Hello, , nice to see you again.
Me:
yayaya whatever
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
im handsome
God:
And very self-confident.
Me:
my mom told me so
God:
Tell me more about your mother.
Me:
she is a very nice person
God:
Do you think I am a nice person?
Me:
i am not sure yet
God:
Is there anything I can say to help you make up your mind?
Me:
answer me this
God:
Please rephrase the question with simpler words.
Me:
if your all powerful, can you create a rock so big that you can't lift it?
God:
How do you assume this statement holds true for me?
Me:
answer me
God:
Try asking me again using simpler words.