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duckula
05-05-2006, 12:55 AM
You are the problem.

Mandy
05-05-2006, 01:00 AM
Duckula, why are there so many gay people in Canada?

Ranman
05-05-2006, 01:03 AM
Do gay canadians have sex with the moose?

duckula
05-05-2006, 01:22 AM
The gays have flocked to Canada because of the delightful rainbows to be found in Quebec. Information on gay/moose relations is hard to come across in the current climate of fear but I think I speak for everyone hear when I say 'fear the hills, they aren't marshmallow'.

Leonie
05-05-2006, 06:17 AM
Duckula, who abolished Spring and came up with the ludicrous idea of going from 8 to 25 degrees within one week?

Mandy
08-05-2006, 07:42 AM
Duckula, why do penguins have wings if they can't fly?

Ranman
08-05-2006, 11:54 AM
If penguins can't fly, how do they travel between the poles?

duckula
08-05-2006, 12:49 PM
On boats. Jet boats.

duckula
08-05-2006, 12:49 PM
And the wings are for dance routines, they would look silly dancing without wings, that much is clear.

Leonie
08-05-2006, 02:27 PM
What is the charming way of getting rid of a druggie/homeless person who's stuck to the student house across the street and refuses to leave even when the police ask him nicely?

BrunoJA
08-05-2006, 02:35 PM
Gun...

Mandy
08-05-2006, 02:38 PM
Gun...

Clearly you don't know the rules of "Ask Duckula." No one is worthy enough to answer questions other than duckula, of course.

BrunoJA
08-05-2006, 02:42 PM
Rules are for the weak.

Mandy
08-05-2006, 02:43 PM
Rules are for the weak.

So then this thread is not for you. Run along.

Ranman
08-05-2006, 03:34 PM
Is it wrong to throw rotten eggs at the homeless?

How about BrunoJA,?

Foeni
08-05-2006, 08:44 PM
Duckula, what's wrong with Ranman?

duckula
08-05-2006, 11:49 PM
What is the charming way of getting rid of a druggie/homeless person who's stuck to the student house across the street and refuses to leave even when the police ask him nicely?

Throw buckets of piss on him.

duckula
08-05-2006, 11:50 PM
Gun...

You've not played knifey-spooney before, have you?

duckula
08-05-2006, 11:51 PM
Is it wrong to throw rotten eggs at the homeless?

How about BrunoJA,?

Of course it's not wrong, they're homeless (or on their way to being so in Bruno's case), they don't have rights. If you can do it to an animal, you can do it to a hobo.

duckula
08-05-2006, 11:52 PM
Duckula, what's wrong with Ranman?

Nothing a good shoeing can't fix.

hasselbrad
09-05-2006, 12:29 PM
Throw buckets of piss on him.
Isn't that like cologne to a homeless person?

duckula
09-05-2006, 01:36 PM
It will sting when it gets him in the eyes.

michael22
11-05-2006, 02:31 AM
dukula why are scots so hatefull

and why are pointy things so cool ( especially swords)

Ranman
11-05-2006, 02:36 AM
What do they mean when they say" She has a snapping pussy"

Swordsman
11-05-2006, 03:14 AM
Why does the retarded kid next door keep yelling?

Ranman
11-05-2006, 03:24 AM
Is it wrong to laugh at him when he is yelling?

EmotionSickness
11-05-2006, 05:35 AM
duckula, what is the truth behind the break up of the Beatles?

also, do you know of a good recipe for buttered scones?

Ranman
11-05-2006, 11:15 AM
What are buttered scones?

duckula
11-05-2006, 09:05 PM
Scones with butter on. My recipe: Take 1 scone, slice it in half, butter it, eat.

Re the Beatles, homosexual life mates John and Paul had a catfight and the rythm section decided it had had enough of the prima donna nancy boys.

Swordsman
11-05-2006, 11:21 PM
But what about the retard that keeps yelling next door, Duckula?

duckula
11-05-2006, 11:38 PM
You are just going to have to deal with the realities of living in 'special' accommodation.

Foeni
14-05-2006, 09:23 PM
Duckula, what is the meaning of life?

duckula
15-05-2006, 12:58 AM
Duckula, what is the meaning of life?

Follow the yellow brick link. (http://www.answers.com/life&r=67)

Swordsman
15-05-2006, 01:30 AM
Duckula, what's the best way to get away with arson?

BrunoJA
15-05-2006, 02:11 AM
This is the link you want: http://www.answers.com/meaning%20of%20life

Foeni
15-05-2006, 12:17 PM
Duckula, what will it take to make BrunoJA understand the meaning of 'Ask Duckula'?

BrunoJA
15-05-2006, 01:09 PM
He gave the wrong link lol

He's clearly incompetent. :D

Jacoby
15-05-2006, 04:33 PM
He gave the wrong link lol

He's clearly incompetent. :D

He gave the right link. He gave a link to the meaning of life. You gave a link to the meaning of meaning of life.

ahem


Duckula, what's the best way to attract a woman?

BrunoJA
15-05-2006, 04:50 PM
No, he gave a link to "life." Nothing about its meaning. :D

duckula
15-05-2006, 05:24 PM
Those were the meanings of 'life' you dreck faced retard.

duckula
15-05-2006, 05:26 PM
He gave the right link. He gave a link to the meaning of life. You gave a link to the meaning of meaning of life.

ahem


Duckula, what's the best way to attract a woman?

Magnetism or an Amex Black Card.

duckula
15-05-2006, 05:27 PM
Duckula, what will it take to make BrunoJA understand the meaning of 'Ask Duckula'?

We could try a three day ban.

once_dreaded
15-05-2006, 06:03 PM
Duckula, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?

BrunoJA
15-05-2006, 06:12 PM
Duckula, I'm in an airport with a flight in 45 minutes. Will there be snakes on my plane?

Also: Is it okay to like The Bee Gees?

seventhson
15-05-2006, 09:40 PM
What is the charming way of getting rid of a druggie/homeless person who's stuck to the student house across the street and refuses to leave even when the police ask him nicely?

Invite him in for lunch?

Mathew 25: 40, "The King will answer them: 'I assure you, as often as you did it for one of my least brothers, you did it for me.' "

That's only one sentence. I recommend you read that whole chapter in the book of Mathew.

Peace,
(-: SeventhSon :-)

Swordsman
15-05-2006, 10:25 PM
Dammit, Now I'm Never Gonna Get Away With Arson!!

duckula
15-05-2006, 11:22 PM
Dammit, Now I'm Never Gonna Get Away With Arson!!

Generic accelerant, gloves and don't hang about. Happy?

barrington
16-05-2006, 09:18 AM
Dear Duckula,
My internet forum seems to have been overrun with mindless spam and pointless threads. How can we best return it to glory and how long should we ban everyone for?

duckula
16-05-2006, 09:33 AM
Give everyone a week off to think about how sorry they are for wasting my time.

Then on their return, lock anything that hits the snooze button. Produce a leaner, meaner KKW. (Though it should be noted that in the current state of affairs, leaner may end up ethiopian).

Ranman
17-05-2006, 11:10 AM
Can God create a rock so big that he can't lift it?

Digital_Ice
17-05-2006, 11:17 AM
woah, spooky, i was jujst pondering this very question yesterday...

duckula
18-05-2006, 12:13 AM
Can God create a rock so big that he can't lift it?

No doubt, he could lift it too, he is pimp like that.

Ranman
19-05-2006, 09:54 AM
Dear Duckula

A half dozen or so Redneck Americans in Florida have been attacked
by alligators recently. What should be done about this?

P.S. you never answered my snapper question

acliff
19-05-2006, 11:08 AM
Dear Duckula,

In your estimation, how many cakes must one eat to start looking like one?

duckula
19-05-2006, 03:44 PM
Dear Duckula

A half dozen or so Redneck Americans in Florida have been attacked
by alligators recently. What should be done about this?

P.S. you never answered my snapper question

The alligators should probably be shown the wine menu.

On the snapping pussy issue, it means if you don't treat it right it will snap your cock off at the root, true fact.

hasselbrad
19-05-2006, 04:02 PM
The alligators should probably be shown the wine menu.

What sort of wine goes with Redneck Tartare?

duckula
19-05-2006, 08:10 PM
What sort of wine goes with Redneck Tartare?

Anything in a cardboard box.

Hazzle
20-05-2006, 12:28 AM
We could try a three day ban.

I've done one better than that. Try a several month long ban. Try being the most banned member of KKW. Yes, I even have one over the great Ducks! Muhahaha

Clearly you don't know the rules of "Ask Duckula." No one is worthy enough to answer questions other than duckula, of course.

And Hazzle. After all, "Ask Hazzle" was the sole reason for the return of Ask Duckula. He felt threatened.

Mandy
20-05-2006, 12:33 AM
And Hazzle. After all, "Ask Hazzle" was the sole reason for the return of Ask Duckula. He felt threatened.

Not really. But ok.

Hazzle
20-05-2006, 12:38 AM
Not really. But ok.

Read your avatar back to yourself.

Nuff said.

Jacoby
20-05-2006, 07:58 AM
Oh wise and honorable Duckuleth, please answer the question presented in this (http://www.kkwavefront.org/forums/showpost.php?p=54541&postcount=18) train of thought...

michael22
26-05-2006, 12:57 AM
dear dukula why am i not funny

p.s. what is the best sword known to man

Hazzle
26-05-2006, 07:40 AM
dear dukula why am i not funny

Christ that could take even the great Duckula a year to answer...

Ranman
05-06-2006, 09:26 PM
Dear Duckula

I learned a new word today...Cuntslop

Is it a noun or a verb?

And could you give me an example on how to use this word

michael22
06-06-2006, 06:35 AM
In a fight who would win Lancelot or achilles. Also which is cooler

Klown
27-06-2006, 04:47 AM
Duckula why am I so gay?

Sundance
27-06-2006, 05:43 AM
Duckula,

Why do I have this recurring dream of doing Keira, "knightley"?

And what is it with Michael22 and swords?

runangl
27-06-2006, 05:49 AM
duckula...

who is the greatest animated superhero? my friends all say the flash. but i think that's a load of crap.



well then again they're the friends that say if we could only have one right now they'd rather have a cure for cancer over a cure for aids.


OH and i'd really like to know about this one: Oh wise and honorable Duckuleth, please answer the question presented in this (http://www.kkwavefront.org/forums/showpost.php?p=54541&postcount=18) train of thought...hehe

Sundance
27-06-2006, 05:59 AM
Most powerful, regal Duckula,

Are you wiser than Confucius?

Digital_Ice
27-06-2006, 10:24 AM
Duckla: How do we deal with the pile of shit KKW and KKW IRC is subsiding into?

duckula
27-06-2006, 11:19 AM
-"And also, on Kaballah... If you have a red string on your tampon...does it keep evil spirits away from your vagina?"

Yes.

-"dear dukula why am i not funny?

p.s. what is the best sword known to man?"

You aren't funny because you lack intelligence and charn.

The best sword known to man is the one to hand.


-"I learned a new word today...Cuntslop

Is it a noun or a verb?

And could you give me an example on how to use this word"

It is a noun. Example 'That filthy harlot is a mangy cuntslop (and she smells like wee).

-"In a fight who would win Lancelot or achilles. Also which is cooler"

I will ignore the raging homoness of this question and proffer as an answer 'who gives a fuck'.

-"Duckula why am I so gay?"

There are several schools of thought on this issue, nature and nurture and combinations of the two. Or it may just be because of your hideous visage.

-"Why do I have this recurring dream of doing Keira, "knightley"?

And what is it with Michael22 and swords?"

The recurring dream is a subconcious embodiment of your sexual dysfunction and latent incestuous desires.

Michael22 clearly has too much time on his hands (traditionalists would have you believe it was because of his small penis and self denial over his lust for men, while both these may be true it is not really the heart of the isssue).

-"who is the greatest animated superhero?"

This is barely a real question as batman's supremacy should be clear to all.

-"How do we deal with the pile of shit KKW and KKW IRC is subsiding into?"

Harsh moderation.
-"Are you wiser than Confucius?"

No, that I am still answering these rediculous questions should be proof enough of that.

duckula
27-06-2006, 11:24 AM
Duckla: How do we deal with the pile of shit KKW and KKW IRC is subsiding into?

Harsh moderation.

Ranman
27-06-2006, 12:11 PM
Dear Duckula,

What can the rest of us KKW members do to
stop the stupid post of these newbie members
sundance, swordsman, Dave, kingdumbass

duckula
27-06-2006, 12:14 PM
Dear Duckula,

What can the rest of us KKW members do to
stop the stupid post of these newbie members
sundance, swordsman, Dave, kingdumbass

Ridicule them mercilessly until they leave (but try to keep on topic aswell). Or just ignoring them works.

Digital_Ice
27-06-2006, 12:38 PM
ducks; whats better, a Volvo 340 or walking?

Hazzle
27-06-2006, 01:13 PM
Ridicule them mercilessly until they leave (but try to keep on topic aswell). Or just ignoring them works.

Ducks: Can we just ban them?

duckula
27-06-2006, 01:14 PM
ducks; whats better, a Volvo 340 or walking?

Show some love for the 340, praying a car up a hill has its charms.

duckula
27-06-2006, 01:15 PM
Ducks: Can we just ban them?

We can.

Ranman
07-09-2006, 08:22 PM
Dear Duckula
I just read in the I.M.D.B. that keira will star in jurassic Park 4.
I am a fan of the J.P. series and a fan of keira, But the two
don't go together well in my opinion.
Oh wise and merciful seer of KKW
Say it ain't so, Say it ain't so.

Part two

Dear Duckula

Cara and Mandy are making fun of me on the IRC. They're asking me
do i manscape. I have no idea WTF they're talking about.
Something to do with the will and grace show. Could you please inform
me what these crackheads are raving about and any good insults
I could reply with.
Yours truly Ranman

mehrdad368
10-09-2006, 09:09 AM
Part 1.
Keira on Jurassic park?I don't think so.Because dinasours never eat that beautiful girl.;)
Part 2.
:D I'd rather don't talking anymore about Mandy.

Foeni
10-09-2006, 10:03 AM
You obviously have no idea how this works, meathead. Someone asks duckula a question and duckula replies (if he pleases to).

seventhson
10-09-2006, 03:41 PM
Duckula,

Can peace be found?

duckula
10-09-2006, 05:49 PM
Duckula,

Can peace be found?

Yes. It comes just after the excedingly large nuclear explosion that wipes out life on Earth.

duckula
10-09-2006, 05:53 PM
Say it ain't so, Say it ain't so.

Part two

Could you please inform me what these crackheads are raving about and any good insults I could reply with.

It ain't so.

I don't know what those 'crackheads' are raving at it. It is clearly some woman thing so not worth worrying yourself about. As for insults, tell them they can't have an opinion because they don't have a y chromosome. Point out that theirs is the weaker sex and that all they are good for is making babies and cleaning up after us.

EmotionSickness
11-09-2006, 07:44 AM
Duckula, why is Ben Affleck such a tool now?

runangl
11-09-2006, 03:44 PM
uhm i think you should rephrase that to:

why has he always been such a tool?

seventhson
11-09-2006, 03:59 PM
Yes. It comes just after the excedingly large nuclear explosion that wipes out life on Earth.

IMAGINE by John Lennon 1971

"Imagine there's no countries It isn't hard to do Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too Imagine all the people living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us And the world will be as one"

Peace be with y'all,
(-: SeventhSon :-)

Mandy
11-09-2006, 04:36 PM
........

EmotionSickness
12-09-2006, 12:12 PM
uhm i think you should rephrase that to:

why has he always been such a tool?


I rather liked him in his Kevin Smith days. He was great in Chasing Amy and Dogma.

Anyhow, follow-up question, duckula: why do bad things happen to good people?

acliff
12-09-2006, 12:52 PM
I rather liked him in his Kevin Smith days. He was great in Chasing Amy and Dogma.

Anyhow, follow-up question, duckula: why do bad things happen to good people?

Don't forget his brief appearance in Mallrats!

I'll answer this question in duckula's absense:

If anything, bad things happen to bad people more, but when bad things happen to them, we just don't care. I'd like to think bad people's life expectancy is far below the national average.

Ben affleck has been a tool ever since his father used Ben's chin to hammer nails and break down walls.

Mandy
23-11-2006, 09:55 AM
Duckula, why can't I fall asleep?

hasselbrad
25-05-2007, 01:07 PM
Why has this thread slid into oblivion?
And why is Duckula such a smooth pimp?

Ranman
12-08-2007, 03:44 PM
Dear Duckula

My new girlfriend keeps hitting me when we are sleeping. Can I break up with her over this? and if yes what is the best way to break the news to her?

duckula
12-08-2007, 05:30 PM
Ranman, this is absolutely grounds for ditching the bitch, she clearly doesn't understand how domestic abuse works. May I suggest telling her that you want to break up during sex and then see if you can finish before she kicks you out.

Mandy
14-08-2007, 02:07 PM
Ducks, why is there so much censorship in the media in the United States?

duckula
14-08-2007, 03:55 PM
Because you aren't allowed to watch naughty things until you have cast Satan out of your filthy, degenerate lives.

Jacoby
14-08-2007, 09:59 PM
Dear Duckula,
Do you still think I'm gay?

-Jacoby

Ranman
14-08-2007, 10:04 PM
Dear Duckula

Do you still think I'm gay?

Mandy
14-08-2007, 10:06 PM
Ducks,

Do I still think they're gay?

Digital_Ice
14-08-2007, 10:09 PM
Dear Duckula,
Do you still think I'm gay?

-Jacoby

Dear Duckula

Do you still think I'm gay?

Ducks,

Do I still think they're gay?


ducks, do they not realise they ARE gay?