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nsper7
04-05-2006, 03:48 PM
Hey,

I am going to, pretty soon at least, begin working on a KK story.

The basic plot is this:

KK is flying to the Bahamas to begin filming for POTC 2 or 3, but en route, he plane suffers engine trouble and is forced to land at Gainesvile, FL (my hometown IRL). At Gainesvile, the current mayor is a Mr. Victor Sparrow ([no relation to Jack, merely an alteration of my IRL last name] a 21-year-old, based on yours truly, who was able to rally the students of the University of Florida around him to get elected as mayor). Shortly thereafter, an increased Avian Flu begins spreading, thus causing my character to close down all travel in and our of Gainesville, but in the back of his mind, he has a scheme to, as the US government begins to collapse, conquer the surrounding region using a citizen militia. My character appoints her as his second-in-command in order to gain popular support (in reality, she is just a figurehead; obviously, Sparrow does not like her, but he tolerates her in the name of political expediency).

In the very end though, KK plays a very important role (scroll down and highlight if you wish to read the spoiler):

In the current storyline (subject to change) KK shoots Sparrow in the back as he tries to escape when his so-called empire is surrounded and he decides to abandon her rather than take her along in his escape plan.

Mandy
04-05-2006, 03:50 PM
Sounds....




yeah.

Ranman
04-05-2006, 04:06 PM
And a big monkey comes out of the woods and grabs her, right?

hasselbrad
04-05-2006, 05:18 PM
And a big monkey comes out of the woods and grabs her, right?
Nope...Chief Osceola, Florida State's mascot, rides into town and spirits her away to Tallahassee. Then Liam shows up in a Spitfire F.Mk VIII, rescues her from the ignorant rednecks and flies her back to London. She tries to seduce him, but he flies to the Netherlands instead. ***hearts***

Mandy
04-05-2006, 05:22 PM
Then she meets up with Baz for coffee. *rolls eyes*

Ranman
04-05-2006, 05:32 PM
Then a big monkey grabs her right?

Mandy
04-05-2006, 05:36 PM
Yes, Baz.

Pearl
04-05-2006, 05:47 PM
The story sounds interesting. Could you please also add in how a girl named Pearl shows up and rapes her silly. Then Keira cleaverly tells the cops "It's not rape if it's willing" Then flashs her million dollar smile and walks off huffily because she just zinged the cops.

Ok thanx bye

Ranman
04-05-2006, 05:48 PM
Hey what kind of movie are we making here

Jacoby
04-05-2006, 05:49 PM
Cool. Good luck.

nsper7
04-05-2006, 05:52 PM
This story does actually try to be serious. In G'ville, the University of Florida (plus Santa Fe Community College) student population could easily vote themselves into power in city government, but, alas, most students are too lazy, but for the right leader...eh?

IRL, in the 70's I believe, students in Ann Arbor, Michigan were able to elect themselves into local government. So that part of the story is plausible.

The part about Avian Flu: well, watch the news. Just yesterday, Bush was talking about how if a major pandemic were to start, state and local governments would be on their own.

The part about KK and the plane: well, planes malfunction IRL and are sometimes forced to land.

If the Avian Flu pandemic spread was already beginning and spread to Florida, then it would make sense that Mayor Sparrow might try to lockdown the city in the hopes of preventing an outbreak. After the major outbreaks had slowed down, if a person were ambitious and egotistical enough, they might try and spread out their power, especially if the US government were terribly weakened and unable to effectively respond.

Jacoby
04-05-2006, 06:01 PM
Why Keira?

I say stick with the story, drop the use of Keira. I honestly think it totally lames out the story. Create your own actress, and just describe Keira sans the name.



^ My two cents. ^

nsper7
04-05-2006, 06:03 PM
Yeah, you're probably right.

nsper7
04-05-2006, 06:08 PM
The story sounds interesting. Could you please also add in how a girl named Pearl shows up and rapes her silly. Then Keira cleaverly tells the cops "It's not rape if it's willing" Then flashs her million dollar smile and walks off huffily because she just zinged the cops.

Ok thanx bye



Okay....

That is just wrong.

hasselbrad
04-05-2006, 06:29 PM
Okay....

That is just wrong.

Nope...just Cinemax late at night.

In all seriousness, what Jake said is right. She could be playing a famous actress jetting about. Maybe she could be a Scientologist heading to Clearwater to give praise to Xenu. Or, she could be in (around) Gainesville filming. That way, the mayor would have lots of contact anyway since he'd probably be involved with any sort of film commision the city (or county) might have.
I've written one screenplay. The lead character is a beautiful, young English lass (sound familiar?), but if I sell it, I wouldn't really care who plays the lead. The character, in my mind, is played by Keira, but a director would probably have his/her own ideas which would then be filtered through a casting director who would probably hire Angelina Jolie.
In that case, I'd barf into a garbage can, and then gleefully cash the check.

Liam
04-05-2006, 07:13 PM
Nope...Chief Osceola, Florida State's mascot, rides into town and spirits her away to Tallahassee. Then Liam shows up in a Spitfire F.Mk VIII, rescues her from the ignorant rednecks and flies her back to London. She tries to seduce him, but he flies to the Netherlands instead. ***hearts***

You made me laugh at 5am. Good work :D

Swordsman
04-05-2006, 10:23 PM
I'm gonna level with you...this story is not very good. Now...if you put in that Pearl scene and a monkey then you might have something. *cough*

Pearl
04-05-2006, 10:40 PM
Also, make sure you write in that Pearl has really big boobs.

Ranman
04-05-2006, 10:51 PM
Why do you have really big boobs?

Pearl
04-05-2006, 11:06 PM
To make up for Keira's lack of.

Ranman
04-05-2006, 11:09 PM
:eek: wow :icon_idea ok, let us judge that :icon_eplu lets see a pic

Swordsman
04-05-2006, 11:26 PM
...agreed.

Pearl
04-05-2006, 11:31 PM
Well not really me, but the Pearl in the story does. She also has a 32 inch waist and is a size three in sneakers.

Keira meets her, falls in love, they have tons of test tube babies. The end.

Ranman
04-05-2006, 11:53 PM
Sorry nsper7, we kind of destroyed your thread

Swordsman
05-05-2006, 12:01 AM
His story was pretty bad so... i wouldn't say "destroyed".

Rob The BLack Douglas
05-05-2006, 03:12 AM
Having read some nspers work in the past, this one willbe a big stinking pile of poo, that is if he managed to finish it. Plus at some point, a very moral figure based on nsper himself spouting the stupid nonsence of Pat Robertson and other idiots who give christians a bad name would appear and the women would alll jezebels to taunt the pious young man, who finds any type of sex other than that to procreate to be disgusting and sinful.

Put in a bunch of rabid monkys shooting up with heroin and I might read it.

Rob

nsper7
05-05-2006, 05:28 AM
Sparrow's no moralist in this story, more of a Boss Tweed-wannabe with delusions of grandeur. His goal is to build-up territory for himself in a Post-Pandemic nation. He uses Keira Knightley because of her popularity, but that is all.

Rob The BLack Douglas
06-05-2006, 03:37 AM
Dude give it up, you have never finished a single story, that I know of, and while you talk a good game, your writing has no soul, technically competent, you lack emotion, we feel nothing when we read your work. You write for a very limited audience, and we are not it.

Rob

Swordsman
06-05-2006, 04:11 AM
That was ice cold, yet brutally true.

Rob The BLack Douglas
06-05-2006, 04:32 AM
That was ice cold, yet brutally true.


That was me playing nice. Nsper knows damn well how I feel aboot him. We've gone a few rounds in the past. Just watch, soon he'll try to pander to what he thinks everyone wants to read all the while telling about all his wonderful ideas based on whatever story/theory one of his instructors happens to be spouting off aboot.

He gets an A for effort but flunks everything else.

Rob

Leonie
06-05-2006, 09:05 AM
That was me playing nice. Nsper knows damn well how I feel aboot him. We've gone a few rounds in the past. Just watch, soon he'll try to pander to what he thinks everyone wants to read all the while telling about all his wonderful ideas based on whatever story/theory one of his instructors happens to be spouting off aboot.

He gets an A for effort but flunks everything else.

Rob

Hey, back off a bit. Just because you think his writing isn't good doesn't mean you need to tell him that! As such a driven writer yourself, you should know that the only way to improve is to keep writing. You're not wearing a "judge" badge, so back off.

What you say may very well be true, you probably know this guy better than I, but give him a chance. Don't like it? Don't read it.

Ranman
06-05-2006, 11:52 AM
And if you have a problem with Leonie I'll come to your
house and lift your kilt and smash you in the Nads with
Hasselbrads favorite wedge.

nsper7
06-05-2006, 02:04 PM
And if you have a problem with Leonie I'll come to your
house and lift your kilt and smash you in the Nads with
Hasselbrads favorite wedge.


*cringes just thinking about that*

nsper7
06-05-2006, 03:29 PM
Well, I posted the prelude/prologue and first chapter of a non-KK story that involved good old Victor Sparrow.

Rob The BLack Douglas
06-05-2006, 04:02 PM
And if you have a problem with Leonie I'll come to your
house and lift your kilt and smash you in the Nads with
Hasselbrads favorite wedge.


Why would I have a problem? Just tossing in what I KNOW aboot Nsper and in the context of the thread, I have not gotten personal, though I do admit part of my animosity has to do with his actions towards some people i care aboot, and no I won't be reading his work.

And Leonie just for your info in the past Nsper has asked me for my opinion aboot his writings, he just doesn't care to hear it.

Rob

nsper7
06-05-2006, 04:07 PM
Why would I have a problem? Just tossing in what I KNOW aboot Nsper and in the context of the thread, I have not gotten personal, though I do admit part of my animosity has to do with his actions towards some people i care aboot, and no I won't be reading his work.

And Leonie just for your info in the past Nsper has asked me for my opinion aboot his writings, he just doesn't care to hear it.

Rob



You'll notice I didn't make any negative responses to your comments. You have a right to your opinion and I know I need to improve my writing skills, but Leonie is right, the only way to improve is to keep on writing and getting feedback, positive or negative.

Also, I am sorry if anything I said ever offended or angered you, but when you start a debate when people who have very strong, yet opposing, beliefs, then you're asking for a fight. I also wish to assure that this current story does not involve KK, NP or any other real actor/actress. Their maybe references to real people, but all my characters are original (although maybe based on real people).

Can we agree to a truce?

*offers hand to shake Rob's*

Leonie
06-05-2006, 04:44 PM
Why would I have a problem? Just tossing in what I KNOW aboot Nsper and in the context of the thread, I have not gotten personal, though I do admit part of my animosity has to do with his actions towards some people i care aboot, and no I won't be reading his work.

And Leonie just for your info in the past Nsper has asked me for my opinion aboot his writings, he just doesn't care to hear it.

Rob

If that's what you call "not getting personal" then I'd hate to hear you when you are :icon_razz

Constructiveness is the key, my friends. Now smile and hold hands.

Digital_Ice
06-05-2006, 06:10 PM
/me toasts marshmallows on the flames...

Jess
07-05-2006, 09:51 PM
my gosh nsper. do you never quit with your terrible kk fanfics. they were bad when u were on kf and the story is pretty shite now. get a grip man. if ur guna write stories..leave keira out of them..especially if they're political. my goshness!!!

<3mel

nsper7
08-05-2006, 01:37 AM
Keira is not in the most recent story I just posted. :)

Jess
08-05-2006, 04:35 AM
doesnt matter. none of ur stories are really that interesting to begin with buddy.

Leonie
08-05-2006, 07:02 AM
I'm going to spell it out for you once more. C-o-n-s-t-r-u-c-t-i-v-e. If you just want to bitch, start a PMS thread.

Mandy
08-05-2006, 07:30 AM
This is starting to become a "oh, everyone else says it sucks so I'll just agree" thread. Because now newcomers are joining in. BE YOUR OWN PERSON.

Rob The BLack Douglas
09-05-2006, 06:22 AM
You want constructive here goes.

The story reads like a users manual, there is nothing to drag a reader into the story and make them want to read it, needs a hook.

None of the characters show traits that make them interesting, why sympathize or even hate them? They have no dimension to them.

Too much background information, stories should not be like encyclopedia entry's and not everything needs to be revealed at the same time.

Focus on the characters with all the big battle/political stuff happening in the background. My personal preference is stories about people not events.

Too much detail, not everything needs to be described, readers like to create their own visuals in their heads, when every little detail is laid out it reduces some of the joy of reading.



KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE know what the people where you post like to read, if what you post isn't what they normally read do not be surprised by their reactions


For everyones information, I do write for our local theatre group on a regular basis http://www.cloudcrofttheatre.com/CLOC%20History.htm, you'll find my name(Robert Wright) as writer or co-writer of several of the murder mysteries and I write some for the local paper. I am not someone who just dabbles in writing, I do profit a little from it.

Jess
09-05-2006, 06:25 AM
and and and..rob helped me write a story that i came up with and its being published in a local magazine...what now!!!??? lol. i duno how that is pertinent in any way..but yeah!!!

Liam
09-05-2006, 09:34 AM
For everyones information, I do write for our local theatre group on a regular basis http://www.cloudcrofttheatre.com/CLOC%20History.htm, you'll find my name(Robert Wright) as writer or co-writer of several of the murder mysteries and I write some for the local paper. I am not someone who just dabbles in writing, I do profit a little from it.

Not that I dispute your authority on this topic, but writing narratives for theatre is different to novel-style writing. Novels must spend more time developing characters so the reader can visualise more effectively; with theatre this is done for the audience.

You would hugely increase your right to talk out of your arse on the topic if you posted some links or scans of your published work. People could then judge your writing skills for themselves.

nsper7
09-05-2006, 03:29 PM
Not that I dispute your authority on this topic, but writing narratives for theatre is different to novel-style writing. Novels must spend more time developing characters so the reader can visualise more effectively; with theatre this is done for the audience.

You would hugely increase your right to talk out of your arse on the topic if you posted some links or scans of your published work. People could then judge your writing skills for themselves.

In fairness to Rob, I have read some of his work and it is very good.

Liam
09-05-2006, 07:17 PM
Nobody else has though.

I'm not trying to be an arse about it, I just think this whole argument would be a lot more fair if people could judge his writing for themselves.

Swordsman
09-05-2006, 11:57 PM
Not to sound like a dick to you Liam but i've read a couple of Rob's stories and thought that they were very good.

Ranman
10-05-2006, 12:02 AM
Well Liam we proved one thing, Swordsman's an idiot

nsper7
10-05-2006, 12:09 AM
Well Liam we proved one thing, Swordsman's an idiot

*scratches head*

Did I miss something? I agree with him that Rob is a very good writer and his comments/critiques of my writing make good sense.

Rob The BLack Douglas
10-05-2006, 12:56 AM
Not that I dispute your authority on this topic, but writing narratives for theatre is different to novel-style writing. Novels must spend more time developing characters so the reader can visualise more effectively; with theatre this is done for the audience.

You would hugely increase your right to talk out of your arse on the topic if you posted some links or scans of your published work. People could then judge your writing skills for themselves.


There's a ton of material in the gallery, not my fault if you haven't see any of it.

Rob

Swordsman
10-05-2006, 12:59 AM
Oooo, sorry to crush your boner Ranman by having an opinion.

Mandy
10-05-2006, 01:21 AM
There's a ton of material in the gallery, not my fault if you haven't see any of it.

Rob

Yeah but if he's anything like me, he can't be fucked reading a shitload of story on a computer screen. If I'm going to read something, it's in a published book.

nsper7
10-05-2006, 01:42 AM
Yeah but if he's anything like me, he can't be fucked reading a shitload of story on a computer screen. If I'm going to read something, it's in a published book.

The problem is that its very hard to get published and it doesn't matter if you're a good writer. You need a lot of connections. If we could published (thus making money), would we really post our stuff for free on a public website? ;)

Mandy
10-05-2006, 02:00 AM
My point is, I only take the time to read what is guaranteed to be DECENT writing.

Not saying Rob is a bad writer, I'm saying that I haven't read any of his stuff to determine whether he's a good writer.

I was also directing this statement towards the fact that Rob has posted his stories in the gallery, but I'm just not the kind to sit for hours reading a computer screen.

I'm also not all hyped about reading fan-fiction. I understand there's also non fan-fiction, but ahh well. Still can't be fucked.

It hurts me to read long posts let alone stories.


^^^^^^
Even this one is freaking me out a little.

Mandy
10-05-2006, 06:49 AM
Yes I am double posting. I just read a part of one of Rob's fan fiction stories in the gallery. Do British people really use "mate" in just about every single sentence? And did a monkey proof read your story? No wait, a monkey could probably do better.

I dont see how you can have all this pride with yourself and display your "work," knowing there are SO many spelling and grammatical problems. I just ran a paragraph through spell check and my computer shat itself.

So yeah....nsper, more power to ya.

Liam
10-05-2006, 06:51 AM
There's a ton of material in the gallery, not my fault if you haven't see any of it.

Rob

I've read some of your material that was posted in the gallery, yes. I don't consider myself a writer per se, so I didn't feel it prudent of me to comment on style. However, was any of that published? Did you make profit from any of it? If so, could you class it as 'making a living'?

To be bluntly honest, and I've now given up trying to tread lightly around the subject as you seem to have decided not to afford me the same courtesy, the praise of a few young people (themselves not qualified to call themselves writers) on an internet forum does not a qualified author/playwright/poet make. Thats like calling myself a graphic artist when all I have done is created a few well received 'skins' for games and knocked up a few pretty websites. Its a crock, plain and simple.

I pulled this line at random from one of your posts:
"Jaime peered around the corner towards Keira's trialer the box of chocolates nervously clutched in his hands. Finally the door of the trialer opened and out stepped Keira all ready for her next scene."

Its 'trailer', not trialer. There should be a comma after the first trialer. There should be another one after 'Keira' in the second sentence. Your post is dotted with punctuation and spelling errors. There is no need for a new paragraph every two sentences. Questions don't have question marks. The word 'mate' is horribly overused. The story itself reads like a typical 16 year old's quest to fulfil all the testosterone fuelled fantasies he lacks the cojones to contemplate in the real world. Violent fist fight scene? Check. Passionate snog with beautiful woman? Check. Are you 16?

For starters, dont develop an attitude with anyone if you are still writing fan fiction, cause thats laughable. Second, you should ensure your writing is at least punctuated correctly and put through a spell checker before you go mouthing off criticising other people's work (which incidentally, was far better in those departments than yours.)

Leonie
10-05-2006, 07:22 AM
If any of your "poetry" got published, could you please tell me who publishes that kind of stuff? I think I may have a shot at being published after all. Poetry isn't a bunch of words chucked together cause they sound nice and form one long adverbial sentence with odd line breaks.

I mean, more power to you if you manage to get that stuff published, you obviously slept with the boss or something, but sweet jesus, don't go assuming you know everything there is to know about writing if what you quote as an example of your work is that shite in the gallery. There's a reason I never commented on it. I didn't want to be rude. Clearly, you don't feel the same way about other people's attempts to produce writing, so I thought I'd give you a taste of your own medicine (and I could start summing up my credentials, but yeah... can't really be bothered).

kingdumbass
10-05-2006, 07:43 AM
I want him to keep posting this stuff....
I don't know why, though. I haven't actually read any of it. I just like the idea of it.

Leonie
10-05-2006, 08:08 AM
I want him to keep posting this stuff....
I don't know why, though. I haven't actually read any of it. I just like the idea of it.

I don't mind him posting in the gallery at all. Not one bit. I do mind his unfounded personal attacks on people who try to do the same :)

Ranman
10-05-2006, 08:33 AM
I want him to keep posting this stuff....
I don't know why, though. I haven't actually read any of it. I just like the idea of it.

Reading = knowledge something you don't want kingdumbass

nsper7
10-05-2006, 09:55 PM
Well, if anyone's interested, I posted a nother chapter yesterday.

Rob The BLack Douglas
11-05-2006, 01:50 AM
Those are fair critisms and a lot of the older stuff was posted in one go, no spell checker, just writing and posting. The fan fiction was written for others not myself, though I agree the fan fiction sucks.

I will say that I do not solicit input from others, that isn't why I post my writing, the writing is a side deal from my day job, stress relief, if you would.
I don't care if you like it or not, if you do bonus, if not that's ok, I'm not doing it to have my ego stroked. Several of the stories have numerous views, over 2000 for one, so people do look at my work.

I have been paid for my theatre work, which is a regular gig, not enough to live off of but it pays, and I have one coming up in November that I will be paid for, the newspaper stuff I write for free, but that is completely different beast, and the poems are written for friends, no attempts to publish them.

The screenplay submission that I entered into the Govenor's Cup competition had a couple of people express interest in it but that was all.

Oh and I have been paid for some gay porn stories but good luck finding those,even I don't know if they still exist, maybe Ranman has some of them ;)

Rob

Mandy
11-05-2006, 02:16 AM
Yeah, you REALLY didn't need to add that last bit.

I hope the people didn't have to pay for the KK fan-fiction.

Ranman
11-05-2006, 02:24 AM
why would someone pay you to write gay porn stories unless
you were gay. Aonther reason you wear a kilt.
For poking fun at me I shall give you a nickname
You are know "Dickless Bastard"

Jacoby
11-05-2006, 04:54 AM
I'm not doing it to have my ego stroked. Several of the stories have numerous views, over 2000 for one, so people do look at my work.



I usually just click on your stories so they're no longer highlighted. I stopped reading them, I don't think they're good.

And I sort of think you like ego stroking because this is not the first time you mentioned how many 'hits' your stories get. :icon_down
But I don't want to lash out.