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View Full Version : My Video game fan fiction.


Urbanebula
25-04-2005, 01:35 PM
Heres a somwhat brutal section from my Multiple choice fan fiction from another forum. Tell me what you think.

Hell, those of you who like Half-life might actually understand it. :p

Passage :


The others fired at the second lumbering creature. The bullets ripped into its chest opening completely shredding the remains of the lungs and heart. The body dropped to the floor.

“No no no! You fucking morons!” there was a touch of panic in Tower’s voice. “Aim for the goddamn head!”

“Where did the crab go?” said one voice

“I don’t know!” shrieked another. The tunnel was dark and the floor was barely visible. A faint tapping noise could be heard to the left of them. There was a flick and then a loud stomach churning crunch. A blood-curdling scream filled the tunnel as the parasite began to devour the defenceless man’s head. The front fangs ripped into his eye sockets and he fell back kicking and flailing like an upturned antlion.

Allanon
25-04-2005, 03:39 PM
Everything seems pretty good except this bit

The bullets ripped into its chest opening completely shredding the ...

Urbanebula
26-04-2005, 08:32 AM
eh? Why.

The bullets ripped into his chest opening (ah, missed a comma here)

Bad grammer on my part. :( sorry

Allanon
26-04-2005, 09:06 AM
Don´t feel sorry we all miss commas sometimes.