PDA

View Full Version : Need sexual harrasement help!


aznkkfan
15-02-2005, 02:46 AM
I was sexually harrased when i 12, and it went on for about 3 years. The things he did seems very small compared to other's experiences but I kno it's gonna haunt me.

So this guy who sat next to me during middle school band asked me out. I said i wasn't interested and he stopped asking me for a couple of days. Then he goes on constantly asking me until it turns into a "I love you. you wanna have a play date?" to a "youre so hot. hop into my bed" until i was scared to even sleep because of dreams.

On the day we had a celebration and i had to wear this beautiful long chinese silk dresses. I was okay with the dress thing until he sat next to me and started rubbing my knee, eventually he slipped his hand under my dress!!! To make things even more uncomfortable, he started rubbing his prop (american flag pole) against my leg backstage!

I was hiding in fear, spending my lunches with my yearbook advisor and going from loving band to wishing it would be cancelled everyday. The day came when i couldnt take it and comfronted the principal when he gropped my ass while i was playing the piano standing up. After that, I didnt really see him because he was in a mental institution. A little relieved until 9th grade started and i had band 4 times a week. I saw him for the first few weeks of school until he slit his wrist.......

At that point i was crying my eyes out wondering wat would happen if he comes back to school. I've told my counselor about it and it's been filed somewhere. But i'm still a little uneasy when hearing anything about him. I'd eavesdrop on my guy friends and i've become more violent. Just wondering if there's any advice to calm me down. i'd be real grateful

seventhson
15-02-2005, 03:40 AM
aznkkfan,
Hope you don't mind an old man like me offering some advice. You said you have told a counselor. That was a smart thing to do. Please stay in touch with counselor & keep her updated on what you see/hear about this boy who is harrassing you. It sounds like he has alot of problems. Maybe he has an unhealthy home life. Do you have other guy friends who know this guy well? Another guy friend could maybe talk to him about calming down his behavior...Maybe one of your girl friends knows one of his close guy friends and peer pressure could work on this guy to back off 'cause he is freaking you out. Do you know his parents or older siblings? Maybe the counselor does and she could talk to them about his behavior...Maybe this guy needs serious psychological help from a psychollogist or Doctor of mental health. Talk to your counselor to see if he behaves this way with other girls. Chances are, you aren't the only one he's been inappropriate with. Stay in touch with your school counselor & they may be able to get this guy some help. Other than that, just keep your distance from him, report everything inapproprate he does to the counselor, the school counselor may be able to put a restraining order on him to not come within 25 feet of you or expell him and maybe have one of your guy friends (a BIG one) keep an eye on him. I would also recommend you pray for this guy to be forgiven for misbehaving. God can help with alot of things, including peace for aznkkfan. God bless you + good luck.

deviljet88
15-02-2005, 06:18 AM
Woah, you're only around my age. Know I couldn't handle it if it happened to me, but I'm born ugly so noone's willing to touch me :P In seriousness, I agree with 7thson, staying in touch with the counsellor is a good idea. Also, this may seem silly, but have you told your parents? Just wondering because it has no mention.

aznkkfan
15-02-2005, 07:44 PM
yea, i've told my parents about it. They were concerned and they made me watch some unsolved mysteries show on lifetime to help... which ironiclly gave me nightmares. I thought i was ugly too, but apparently he's got problems (like what seventhson said). My counseler did say i could get a restraining order, but he wasnt really in school at the time so i just asked the police officer to document it. And you know what really sucks? they dont kno anything about him and his behavior with other girls (cuz he was only there for about.. a month). and they said that they couldnt tell me any personal stuff about him. :mad:

if he approaches me and i make a scene, should i use violence or words?

Trisear
09-03-2005, 09:02 AM
if he ever approaches you don't do anything rush and don't use violence... be calm (I know it's not easy). talk to him slowly. or else he would turn into his "violent" state of mind. i think he's one of those "borderline" people... this means that they live their lives always on the edge between sanity and insanity, therefore even the smallest "menace" they feel can make them turn into violent people... it's like pulling the trigger of a dangerous weapon, you know?

maybe at the beginning, ask your friends to come out with ya. don't ever go out alone (only at the beginning). then gradually go back to the old situation (going out even alone... etc... just like before you met him).

if you talk to him remember to be calm.
and maybe keep in your bag one of those "anti-rape-things" such as the pepper-spray... just in cases, you know?!

the safer you feel, the better you will sleep... no more nightmares!!!

aznkkfan
23-03-2005, 10:21 PM
i should get pepperspray shouldn't i? haha. where do you get it?

hannahjane
24-03-2005, 12:05 AM
Hmm..don't know that I'd recommend carrying pepperspray - that makes it as though YOU are the aggressor; and you're not, you are the victim in all this. Also, avoid violence at all costs unless it is imperatively required. I'm still a little unsure on the exact circumstances of the situation to be honest. Could I ask a few questions just so that I'm sure of the situation you are in, and thus, I'll be able to help more readily?

1. How old are you?
2. How old is this boy that you speak of?
3. This counseller that you talk of....are they part of the school? Or an external body?
4. Your principal knows? What has he/she done about it? What do they say will happen in the future if his behaviour continues?

At the moment, it doesn't seem like your school are doing an awful lot to help you to be honest. If this sort of thing had happened to me, I'd expect the boy to be, at least suspended, if not expelled. Get back to me with the answers, and I'll see if I can help you further.

Ranman
24-03-2005, 02:11 AM
Kick him in the nuts.

It's my old reliable.

Foeni
24-03-2005, 10:45 AM
Kick him in the nuts.

It's my old reliable.

And kick him so hard that he can't walk. That way he won't come near you :p

hannahjane
24-03-2005, 11:18 AM
Yeah, except don't kick him in the nuts, coz you could fuck up his ability to have kids. (I know someone who was in a fight and it happened to him. He wasn't arsed at the time, now he is). I prefer Ranman's other favoured method....poke him in the eyes. It's effective and has comedy value. What more do you want?

Foeni
24-03-2005, 11:22 AM
Why not just do both? Frankly I don't give a fuck if he's never able to get children. He should have thought about that before.

Flightfreak
24-03-2005, 12:35 PM
yeah, and pay for the rest of your life, because you are responsible for him not being able to have kids anymore.
I would go for the pepper spray, a friend of mine has one, its forbidden thought.

Foeni
24-03-2005, 12:53 PM
Heh, so does a Danish politician. She was one ordered to pay a fine for having it.

Ranman
24-03-2005, 12:54 PM
People like this shouldn't be aloud to have children.
Kick him as hard as you can in the nuts.

deviljet88
24-03-2005, 01:07 PM
If we've switched to torturing the bastard, why not just run at him with a sharp knife or a red hot poker?

Flightfreak
24-03-2005, 01:25 PM
Heh, so does a Danish politician. She was one ordered to pay a finege for having it.
Had to pay once a penalty for having a pepper spray.
if you kick someone his balls in his brains, so he cant get children anymore, than he can sue you and than you will have to pay penalties for the rest of your life.

Foeni
24-03-2005, 01:39 PM
Not in Denmark. We don't use that system very much. I would have to pay him once as a compensation. Plus I would be charged for violence. The fact that he would never be able to get children would just make the compensation bigger. But most likely I would only be charged for the assault.

hannahjane
24-03-2005, 05:39 PM
Hmm...this is a constructive conversation :p ;) :D

Foeni
24-03-2005, 06:01 PM
Very. You like it? :p

hannahjane
24-03-2005, 06:40 PM
You know it. ;)

acliff
24-03-2005, 10:53 PM
Most people don't kick hard enough to impede one's ability to have children, unless they are extremely lucky. They'd undoubtably cause excrutiating, nauseating pain however. And maybe even heavy bruising.
It takes a fairly hefty kick to do serious damage, so don't fret over it.
(besides the point of the thread, I know)

aznkkfan
25-03-2005, 12:16 AM
1. How old are you?
2. How old is this boy that you speak of?
3. This counseller that you talk of....are they part of the school? Or an external body?
4. Your principal knows? What has he/she done about it? What do they say will happen in the future if his behaviour continues?

At the moment, it doesn't seem like your school are doing an awful lot to help you to be honest. If this sort of thing had happened to me, I'd expect the boy to be, at least suspended, if not expelled.

Be aware this event took place in Middle school and a short time in high school, so i had different sets of principals and counselors.

1. i was 12-14. I'm 14 1/2 now
2. He was 13-15. same grade.
3. the middle school counselor didn't really do anything. I didn't see him for a while after telling her, but i doubt she did anything. My present counselor did help a lot. She set up a meeting with one of my former teachers, her boss, my housemaster(dean, whatever you want to call it), and a police officer within the school. They said they were going to document what happened.
4. Both principal at the school didn't know anything unless it has to do with rape, pulled fire alarms, or drugs. It's usually the housemasters that take care of this stuff.

I don't really know what happened to him. Like i said, the last thing i heard about him was that he slit his wrist. I was talking to my 8th grade teacher, and she said that he purposely tries to get into the hospital because he doesn't feel safe anywhere else. She said it was a mother-son relationship where the sos takes the responsiblity or something.

And kick him so hard that he can't walk. That way he won't come near you

Tried that when he touched my ass. But i still wasn't really comfortable with the old monthly visit. So it turned into a tried kicking him in the balls, then tried using my trumpet as a weapon.... :fencing:

didn't really work! I'm wiser now. i have a stalker/scary freaky guy who follows me when he sees me or desperately tries to hide like papparazzis. i know where to hit, i'm learning from sci-fi books too hehe. my avatar's one of them

I prefer Ranman's other favoured method....poke him in the eyes.

i'm too short. i'm 5 ft he's about 6'1''.

Flightfreak
25-03-2005, 07:54 AM
why don’t you follow some self defence courses, it will make you mentally and your muscles (?fysicly?) stronger.
I believe a few hours course could already make you react in a more effective way in those situations.

Foeni
25-03-2005, 11:18 AM
Self-defence courses would be a great idea, I would suggest karate. A friend of mine used to go to karate, but he has stopped now. The best thing about karate is that you can put up 3-4 punches in his face/stomach or whatever before he has the slightest chance defend himself (except of course if he know any fighting sport as well). And a right punch in the face (if the new stalker isn't too tall) can send a man to ground (not really sure how to express this in English, I hope you understand).

acliff
25-03-2005, 07:07 PM
as a 'martial artist' myself, what you two have said is essentially bollocks. Take into account that the person being advised is diminutive. It will take her a long time training to even begin to overcome even a normal 6'1 guy. And thats if he doesn't know some shit himself.

On the topic of mental strength, she seems to have alot of it already.

Foeni, 4-5 punches before they even notice? pfff. Even Muhammed ali or bruce lee couldn't do that. And take notice that neither did karate.

aznkkfan
25-03-2005, 07:56 PM
why don’t you follow some self defence courses, it will make you mentally and your muscles (?fysicly?) stronger.
Physically. I was 12 at the time! I live in the safest town in the US, i didn't think i needed defense courses. I'm very athletic (rarely dress-up), shotput, volleyball, biking, and a whole lot more. like i said, i had the monthly killer-cramps, i couldn't move, was busy playing Canon in D (bad decision), he was standing behind me and i was stupidly locking me knees. But you'll be proud! my reflexes are a LOT better. I flinch at the littlest things. My high school has a fitness center for our new gym, so i ocassionally go there to work out.
And a right punch in the face (if the new stalker isn't too tall) can send a man to ground
I'm probably the shortest girl in the 9th grade :icon_redf but i can do that. I have really hard hits and jump high(owe it to volleyball :) ) I was thinking of getting one of my big guy friends for support, and confront the stalker telling him that i know what he's doing and either he leaves me alone, or he'll end up with a bent dick(i probably won't mention that, what do you guys think?), broken ribs or nose.
It will take her a long time training to even begin to overcome even a normal 6'1 guy. And thats if he doesn't know some shit himself.
One of my guy friends took sombo(sp?) classes with him. He said it was a type of russian martial arts. so.. he knows some shit. It sucks

Foeni
25-03-2005, 08:26 PM
Foeni, 4-5 punches before they even notice? pfff. Even Muhammed ali or bruce lee couldn't do that. And take notice that neither did karate.

If you're good at karate and the stalker doesn't expect anything like it. The element of surprise gives your a great advantage. I got that from a friend of mine who have done karate for years.

aznkkfan
25-03-2005, 08:47 PM
If you're good at karate and the stalker doesn't expect anything like it. The element of surprise gives your a great advantage.

just a fun fact. well, this before the fun fact: he wears a women's fur coat

okay the fun fact: i've got the advantage, even though he's half a foot taller than me. I can lift 10-20 lbs more than he can (more on my right arm). he's in my gym class :mad: , and he's the saddest stalker/flirter/impressing a girl techniques a guy can ever have.

hold on... i think you have to switch those facts around for it to be under the proper heading

Flightfreak
26-03-2005, 09:37 AM
is public humiliation an option?...could work...
humiliate him ervery time he comes near by,...

Ranman
26-03-2005, 11:20 AM
Call him a fag for wearing women's clothing and go for the nads

aznkkfan
26-03-2005, 01:28 PM
my friends and i already are (well, not to his face). i'll try kicking him there but it depends if he's wearing the damn coat and if he is, how wide his feet are spread. when you say come near by, that's like.... a lot. nearest is probably less than 2 yrds

Trisear
26-03-2005, 02:04 PM
I think this conversation has turned into a "cast your bollocks here" one... I'm very disappointed especially by what many of you wrote. I am a martial artist and I feel offended by those who said that martial arts such as karate can help you putting up some punches or kicks.... martial arts themselves should teach you to control yourself, your emotions. those who say as mentioned are just violent people. and I'm not just saying it.

I think you can buy pepper spray (which is anti-violence... not violence itself as someone said) at any pharmacist's... they are supposed to sell it (if I'm not wrong).

anyway, I thought this was something serious, not some kind of joke as it has turned into.

and remember: violence should be your last, definitive defense against that guy... but before using it, try any other way.

I hope everything turns better soon.

see ya.

acliff
26-03-2005, 08:05 PM
If you're good at karate and the stalker doesn't expect anything like it. The element of surprise gives your a great advantage. I got that from a friend of mine who have done karate for years.

And take it from someone whos done taekwondo for years, you cannot seriously expect your opponent to take 4-5 punches without noticing. If they are taken by surprise, then great. One punch should do if you're very good. And even then, its very unlikely to knock them out. If you do have the advantage, you do what you can to finish the fight, and thats definitely not 4-5 punches. Usually knees, elbows, stomps, breaks.

I feel confident that I could kick you in the head faster than you could move out the way, but even so I'm hesitant to advise self defence and martial arts as the answer. Don't give advice when you obviously have no idea what you're talking about.

aznkkfan
27-03-2005, 01:08 AM
I think this conversation has turned into a "cast your bollocks here" one... I'm very disappointed especially by what many of you wrote. I am a martial artist and I feel offended by those who said that martial arts such as karate can help you putting up some punches or kicks.... martial arts themselves should teach you to control yourself, your emotions. those who say as mentioned are just violent people. and I'm not just saying it.

I think you can buy pepper spray (which is anti-violence... not violence itself as someone said) at any pharmacist's... they are supposed to sell it (if I'm not wrong).

anyway, I thought this was something serious, not some kind of joke as it has turned into.

and remember: violence should be your last, definitive defense against that guy... but before using it, try any other way.

I'm sorry you feel offended by the karate stuff. of course violence is my last option, but after what the sick asshole did to me, it's risen to choice number 2. I would have taken martial arts a long time ago, but my mom didn't want me to, so i got into volleyball which did help me mentally and physically.

It is a serious topic, but sometimes when kept too serious, like how i've kept it for a year, can ruin people. I have a lot of mental strength, but every once in while i'll breakdown completely. I cried myself to sleep almost everynight during that time period, a few tears right now as i type.

The reason i even posted my story in the first place was to lighten my load of stress, get some opinions on what i should do and how to cope. of course i want to keep it on the serious side, but cracking some jokes makes it seem a lot less of a problem than it really is

duckula
27-03-2005, 08:39 AM
Nothing says "stay away freak boy" like one of these
http://www.nyeuniform.com/img/baton.jpg

in the face (or the side of the knee).

aznkkfan
27-03-2005, 07:20 PM
HAHA!!! My god! I should get one. I was gonna do lacrosse for the stick and carry it around with me, but it would've been a waste of money for all the equipment and not make the team.

Elijahfan
27-03-2005, 10:33 PM
you should be able to get pepper spray at a police office, i've been begging my mom to take me so i could just get some for fun....and of course if i do get attacked. if you do use it, aim for the eyes, then kick the nuts. very good combination and more useful in that order. also if no one's looking...kick him while he's down.

i know how you feel about being short though. i'm 5' and the shorted person out of 230 in my class, i'm in 10 grade, and that's basically how tall i'm going to get. damn asian genes!

aznkkfan
27-03-2005, 11:31 PM
i know, i hate my genes. will they really give a random girl pepperspray?

Foeni
28-03-2005, 03:30 PM
I think Duckula's suggestion is better. :p

Elijahfan
28-03-2005, 06:27 PM
i know, i hate my genes. will they really give a random girl pepperspray?

they should, that's how my sister got some

aznkkfan
28-03-2005, 08:16 PM
Ducky's might be better, but i'm not gonna keep a baton in my bag. ugh. i knew i should've joined lacrosse :mad:

Ok. so now it's official he IS my stalker. i was walking to chinese class and he and his hyper friend stand in the front of his classroom desperately trying to hide behind the wall and catch a glimpse of me walking. and at the end of class, he waited for me to get out and followed me to my math class.

So my little helpers, should i give him a warning, or get the baton, pepperspray, work my legs and kick him?

Foeni
28-03-2005, 08:33 PM
Start with a warning. Don't use violence unless you have to. But DO you is if necessary.

aznkkfan
29-03-2005, 01:42 AM
i'll do that. all i gotta do is think whether in private, or in front of my friends/ his friends, and if i should make it a HUMONGOUS(sp?) scene and when. haha, thinking of a scene in my head right now :)

Trisear
31-03-2005, 09:57 AM
yeah, I think they should...

anyway, I understand that sometimes making jokes about serious stuff is ok... nothing to say to this.

I've been practicing martial arts for more than 10 years. you learn how to defend yourself or anyone in danger (or at least you are given a help on how to defend), you learn how to control your emotions, your reactions, and I swear that martial arts have nothing to do with violence. violence depends on the people, and on their minds... not on what they practice.

I didn't realized this situation had lasted over 1 year, I'm sorry... I understand why you can't stand it any longer and why you wish to smack him somewhere. so if you get annoyed by him again, use the pepper-spray, aim for his eyes and then just kick his nuts... and... you know the rest.

aznkkfan
01-04-2005, 01:41 AM
Ok people...

You'll be glad to know that i yelled at the woman*achem!* guy with the furcoat when he trying to act cool (try imagining a chinese napoleon dynamite chasing a mouse). And he and his little friend(the mouse) were trying to spy on my friends and I, until i shot my head off and told him i knew about his tricks/poor stalking moves and if he doesn't stop, he and his friend better watch themselves and i'll file for sexual harrasement. Which is what he was doing.

It worked too! He stopped following me, but the sad thing is he's not wearing the furcoat.. so no more public humailiation. I know it sounds cruel, but hey, i told him to back off before and he didn't listen

Thank you everyone! you've helped me alot!! if there's anymore stuff i need to post up.. i'll try not to waste your time on how to open a mayonaisse jar

Trisear
01-04-2005, 11:24 AM
wow... that's pretty good. anyway, I think we're all friends here, and friends help each other... so... you're welcome. and we'llstill be here.

aznkkfan
05-04-2005, 07:26 PM
ok so, apparently he's not stopping. He's got his little hyper friend who knows my schedule following me around. He's keeping very close tabs on me like what i wear, when i speak in class to report to the stalker, he's even trying to find out my last name...

Which is dangerous since he doesn't really like Chairman Mao

Trisear
05-04-2005, 07:48 PM
oh my gosh, this guy's insane.. completely insane. please, just do the world a favour: call the cops whenever he gets within 500 feet from you!!! this is a stalker, something serious, nothing to underestimate. tell the cops what he's been doing and what he's doing now.

aznkkfan
05-04-2005, 08:55 PM
i would. i really would.. i should take a pic of them to show you guys. there the worst kinda stalkers EVER, my sis can do a better job

Foeni
06-04-2005, 06:33 PM
Why don't you have some BIG friends come and tell them kindly to back off? And by this I don't mean violence. It's much more frightening if some big guys comes to you and ask you kindly, yet strict.

aznkkfan
07-04-2005, 12:53 AM
ok.. took your advice, got one of my guy friends(who is HUGE) to help me out. ok i'm done bombarding you people with shit.. see ya

Trisear
25-04-2005, 09:25 PM
well done... I hope he'll never bother you again.