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CFC
04-12-2004, 07:27 PM
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that---since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

marry rich people
04-12-2004, 08:52 PM
He just got the A because the last paragraph made his teacher horny.

Hazzle
04-12-2004, 10:43 PM
Worked though.

marry rich people
04-12-2004, 11:03 PM
That it did, but the real person that deserved the A was Teresa.

Hazzle
04-12-2004, 11:06 PM
That it did, but the real person that deserved the A was Teresa.

Nahh...she deserved an oscar ;)

IBO
05-12-2004, 12:25 AM
That was pretty damn wick-ed!
________
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frodo1511
05-12-2004, 02:43 AM
Wonder how long it took the guy to write that answer down...

Dyce_Blue
06-12-2004, 08:10 PM
This guy is the King. I have been known to write BS on tests, though.

One time on a biology II test, I was supposed to diagram how bacteria or something turns into insulin. I spent the whole period drawing the Phillips (my teacher) Insulin factory. In the factory, there were conveyer belts and stuff. The funniest part was the tube labelled "Industrial Waste" that offloaded into a truck labelled "Hair Gel".

I got a 29, but he did give me 1/20 for that one.